2/2013. Why not just eliminate one's likings of doing this or that exactly, like one's mere hobbies with up to no big reason to keep them? There is some reason to ask meaningful questions because of this, and any answer should basically be argued against. One way to solve this and all questions is to pick a personality type that mainly doesn't ask these questions (life is enough to them as it is then), as well as won't do stuffs like this either. But it's not really an answer, but a drop of all questions, and though one won't feel any lack then, just living one's functions and likings, hobbies, like that's all life there is, but looking from this (writers) perspective, it looks just so blind to be what one is and do whatever has a liking as so and as a specific interest and so. Even in ordinary/every day life there are things one can do or not to do and one might question them, or then just do the spontaneous things (like a robot, program). I know why I am S-NT and not NT, as even as an NT I understand better then, though with a weakness in NT when ever I am not well enough in the N, that's much of the time until I am doing some study in case one is more in the N then (also figures why and e.g. academic ST might have more N in their thinking, though what I mostly look into is the quality/correctness of their thinking, that in some cases is better than I would think possible and they are plenty smart people because of their good reasoning ability, that covers more or less aspects of thinking and so I figure it's basically a result of training and is somewhat situational like the development of the body's many abilities). Talent as a whole is one good reason to develop more and in many ways, and one can pick some priorities also. Then what it's to be some SeFi then, a bad pick? A holiday pick, and how one is going to come back after the holiday? And what about one's talents, abilities that sooner or later might be used more dominantly when needed, or is it all just loads and exact loads also, with some heavy addictions of the body, genes, or and the Xmind to exact likings or/and habits of using the mind. Getting loads down to a good enough level is a good thing. What when some persona x-pops up, X-pops up and it wants to go in the UK to do things? Doesn't make all that much sense? If that's what one picks or so to be, it better do something, and if it makes sense too to do so, and supported by talent possibility, loads decrease, one's situation now and later, not a bad pick, and compared to the options. To me the path has the loads decrease in it, and for some reason maybe the nf-aspect too, that connects with Italy (and the NT also supports the better as written Italian, and my nf the better life aspect of it). So, some good reasons, that make sense and up to absolute sense (deities, reason) that figure better options than some random option. I think there is some reason for me to develop some (more) nf-talent also, for the balance of it also, and a part of my problems in this life has been in the lack of that too, though not that my thinking is fully ready either but it gets the job done, and my Ni, no surprise as top function and much used, is/was plenty strong. Why we do what we do? Needs, talents, abilities, likings for one reason or the other. (Personal) needs coming first and I should put
more weight on that. Then the escape from one's Xmind as a whole, doesn't look like the right thing to do (as well as it's difficult to do until the situation is good for it) though it's easy to just start being and doing this or that as long as it lasts so or one insists. I kind of think I should be the S-INTP (that though itself also is just made up) as it has it all sort of and I am what I am as ability ad current loads and a total change would be radical though often the thing to do to achieve something, but I don't think I need a change, just getting this final thing clear and living more on the S- and nf-directions for the purpose of recovery, nf-learning/habit (and being, fitting to the recovery too), but still remain as S-INTP, meaning not in clear S, that so serves also the nf, that's n. Though that's just the path and can take any turns with time. I don't really need to think any major further, the NT not being a major need later or even relatively soon, there being other aspects to life than preparations and so, that are just kind of one sided doings, there being the other functions too and I have no major need for so dominant NT for much longer and could pick SeFi, and could pick the ST, or the ST-nf, but not the full NF (though with my NS, it's sort of, like my ST is just a sort of too). And I know I am able and ready for a further change, and that the situations for it will become good. I am not really picking anything too radical out of the S-INTP but let it kind of float, though I know there is a direction too, but not what the result will be, so it's a float and as long as the main aspects/needs keep getting better as so, it needs no adjustments, and if it needs, I will make them. And by the way, I have picked Italy back in about one day from when I picked the UK, but I don't so even remember anymore what was the last pick and even during that one day or so there was fluctuations, like I was thinking my Italian was too poor and the work situations too bad in Italy (the latter is with the language as the language poor is not a real reason alone in my complete case), but I don't think so as a whole and was ready to take whatever I get and try improve them with time, the state of being (the nf) being more important to me than the (S)T-aspects as a whole, and other than in the clearer ST that looks like the (pale) true reality (the normal life ST-points) but isn't as I figured it has just as many dreams as any other pick has, there being no one reality/dream but functions, deities and needs. The added actions in the UK are
not enough as a whole to my whole persona (with nf) though some other factual factors also being worse in Italy does add up and there's a definite bubble of air (nf-bubble, dream, liking, one sidedness) in the Italy pick also, but I can pick only one dream and it has been holding true that only Italy is possible for both of them, and though it's not the pick for my ST, it has enough there as a whole of my persona and I have no evidence that the ST as so would take and remain as the dominant factor and I figure it's fine or even happier (it's a more outdoor place also, even to an ST-doer, or more so, if it has the time and energy and gets some more goods of the warmer weather) in Italy even if it takes the main seat when I get more out of the x-N, X-N, and under any of my Fs, the UK isn't the place for it. So, all-in-all I have a perfectly rational reason to pick Italy and my picked path as a whole, just some weakness in the Italy option and if the ST really comes and wipes the table later, though I am not any sure it's still going to loose up to anything in Italy when it gets to get all the things there and currently I think it will like it, and it then just needs to deal with Italian, that's rather meaningless to it, but that doesn't then matter any more or less than English from that point. My NT is part history, my SeFi is part history, NF isn't the favorite nor ideal to be picked, though too much of nf might lead there and I have been there quite a bit already, but I just don't see my NS going to be an NF as there is a constant S-focus automatically and I have my ST-doings kind of integrated in my Xmind or elsewhere. A good possibility the nf-bubble breaks but up to as good a possibility it won't and it supports my education on the nf-area and is a life aspect. And so it's Italy, even if the optimum, absolute factors of the weather and the language (counting out the global people sort of absolute of English and maybe the UK then also as so, especially London) become more neutral with the ST-doings persona, I have enough in Italy, and I don't see that as an ST, I wouldn't also use and be at the nf, also more dominantly, as there is no reason to miss that life aspect and it's also educational and it has been more or less with me the last six or so years already, so not being something too temporary this time (SeFi was) and nothing to see that would put it out of the optimal range. The SeFi could be picked later (it's really a good beings life of being with plenty delight of the Se with Fi, and even with the minor neti that gives some additional mental visual delight at some times though it's a part in the general look and mental life also but the main is the Se with Fi [can be made to happen as so using also] as long as one isn't too mental, and the only downside of the EP is that one tends to fly there mentally, also, compared to the Ni, Si, though the fly is a part of the fun. One might pick some form of the S-ENFP also, that has its flying at the NF instead, a look in the F(i) with N(e), instead at the Se with Fi, or technically it's Ne with Fi but I didn't experience Ne as visual, just the F with the N, like the SeFi changing to the aspect of the N, that I had before going in deeper recovery try in 2010, or just before as I was at ST at that year after L6 total x-unload and I haven't been at that much NF of that type ever after, just with the Italian persona, that's close and has in time formed to become more with the ST, because of less L6 I suppose, and more with S-part having got as a stronger habit but still with nf, and that part is not going away completely with the ST, who are nf as a mind, while I am not but I can still have sort of more dominance in nf than the average ST, my ST and nf being just X-mind deep even when they dominate clearly, that wasn't exactly the case when I was at SeFi, where I really was that though also an X-mind thing but an INTP is an sf), but with my pick I can have both the doings and the f, with n, looking like the better deal, though that's just business, while being an S-INTP as a whole, all options are any time possible if one so picks also temporarily, and the fact is that my R2 needs recovery, but it's not necessarily (needing more speed) worse at St-nf, though it's always with the T-energy while at SeFi one is X-/x-unloaded of it, though also has some more weight at the Se Fi at the left that might keep the right's motivation to some less to unload or recover but that's theory and the only thing is then the possible fly of the neti, EP but might be fine in balance and isn't so heavy as some NT that gives pains (till stable/enough x-energy) of the N as it's both T and N heavy.
Picking some balance to functions, needs to be considered; if I pick the nf, I will possibly lack in ST, and the other way around (for more likely, basically sure), as well as having the n/N there, result in an S-lack, and the other way around (for more likely, basically sure). Here the S-nf looks like the better pick, but keep an eye open for the lacks and mix in some regular doings and likings of the ST - that alone happens covers both the T and the S - and even one's work alone might deal with that, more so if one is also open to being some more like an ST, having enough likings there also for beings and doings as so, not just liking to be and do as an nf as then any ST or so would not be a happy thing often enough (in a good nf-state, the ST does suffer but as I am not an NF, though the possibility of becoming one might exist, I should be able to deal in the S and even ST-world naturally, especially as the nf as N is connected to so much N, and that as the past NT also, isn't so on my path, though I don't know how much my nf will eat in the future). I like the constant additional S-vision in my life, it being good for me, to my S-reality, understanding, nf and to the decrease of my NT-loads and its doings (where I am more like a visitor in x-addiction when ever I am there for enough/too much time - the same x-addiction factor as like anywhere in life and functions), and all-in-all producing a better balance all by itself, though I can be further away from the N as well as of/from the nf, if I don't keep them closer with some regular practise, being, but I won't need the NT later enough to bother about that and might make my thinking more ST, and ST has some attention in/on his nf, but having likings on that nf-area as beings or/and doings, figure to be needed, my liking of the S is that sure and constant, just that it can change in/to a form of st, under the nf, where the thinking is here (s) but under the nf, in case my nf will have enough to eat to stay even, less so to grow and I sure see how my ST easily grows with the work and hobbies and other doings like outdoors, the S too being liked as S, not just at the st as a side-product to the X-dominant nf. The UK on that view has a point but even as so, I still feel more comfortable with the Italy option even with all its problems, though at this time I can take them only with that nf staying strong enough, though I am not a full ST, that has nf as his comnplete, I having sf and NT also, and if my ST would grow, then the nf in a way would also grow, and secondarily an S isn't as likely to bother if he is living in the UK or Italy, though that's not clear, many going there where the action is significantly better, that in my case as I have lately figured, isn't the case in the UK, just needing to deal with more or less extra problems in Italy and needing some counter weight to that to be able to take that pick and the simple change to clearer ST would likely wipe the Italy option away, but there is no evidence of that remaining as the dominant one after a bit over three years of fluctuations, and so I just need to hold my horses when ever the ST is dominating (and as major it's only so a minority of the time, where I have so far usually picked the UK, though not that the nf is there as a major but a minority of the time either, me usually being somewhere in the middle, with just enough nf to stay on that path), and much of the time it's dominating when there are some problems in my nf-area, though I have developed a liking to the ST also and will not know how it continues to develop, but I am going to try (needs to succeed as there might be no UK option later though I still might have time to try it also if the first time(s) don't succeed in Italy, but I have no set plans of picking anything but Italy and will later think what to do if it doesn't work out, or I soon lose faith in it working out well enough or at all, or some change happens in the world or in me to change the balance in favor of the UK again) to take in many ways the best average pick, where there is a cost, but there is a good enough possibility it being worth the cost and the risk, after having seen and figured (out) more facts and having seen three years of fluctuations.
4/2013. I am possibly letting the optimums to decide what's the best persona or so for me to be, and that's then produced by both my outer situations and inner karmic needs like unloading (can't then live as energy pumped on neither side as a majority) that then produce a more balanced persona on Ts and Ns, and giving some more way to the feeler. Though a good Balance produces more positive energy, that will counter with the negatives, but the F will be more of a case and will be in that positive or state then more as T is used less, though still needing T and no pick is actually made though a lot of picks have been made, radically, but still up to nothing, just up to everything. (That's how I mark it at this point as a radical - with the cost of many loses to me - and best for me pick has been made but not exactly sure of what it contains with time as it depends of so many things under the optimum needs and they too will change with time, so I only know the direction, the about Place, the T vs. F to some amount, as well as more or less of the amounts of energy on the left and right).
There is good stuff about negative and positive feelings in psychology (in the English world, where everything tends to be more advanced, better, more options and is the only reason why I am still even considering the English path, and for me it's good, being supported by the best stuffs out there - on many areas - is a major thing, so fitting and good. But texts and softwares are global and Italian is close English, so I won't figure to have a too major lack there [though not that I rate to be born in Italy either and then it's the same English question in the possible next life and so making sense to try to think it through right now already, though I maybe would just like to wait till next life and e.g. see if I am still alive, in case that tells me something. The UK seems to be getting out of the EU in like 2015, and I have never felt good about the UK, after picking it I am always getting major problems with my system], just with some things like hobbies - and hard stuffs - but they would need to be a major thing, and a rebirth in the UK is just a possibility and then one maybe heads in Canada [from anywhere], and all maybe just possibilities and hoping to finally get in the USA for lives, so getting the best of whatever one wants, though not that all goods even there tend to be in the same place and all in all the USA might be even worse than e.g. Italy to some or even to me though I don't think so at this moment, but the moment has been rather meaningless to me even when having observed it for a couple of years about this case), about the feelings and situations (that are sort of considered as feelings) that I from most part know somewhat well and are a major part of the life of a feeler especially (and have much to do with the state of balance(s) also though not limited there).
Negative things produce cold stuff in us, and positive things produce warm stuff in us and make life feel better, good, being positive life energy, while the cold produces just the opposite. Also how we think about situations and about our own situations has much to do with these happenings, energies, feelings. So, we generally should not be without thinking here. Much of our dreams for better things produce positive feelings (that we usually should also use, see, find, when under negative dominance, in cold, and then we can get more or less more warm and feel better, good), and they are not just dreams as they contain positive aspects that we figure better aim to collect as many as possible (they are as real as cold and hot, good and bad, Auras, e.g. 21C [cold] vs. 23C [optimal] etc., all real things like all being similar to weather factors, and the best picks might have the most of those factors on average, though not sure when one gives more weight to some factors in case the whole as a pick might have more negative weight even, though doesn't look to be so, but might with a weighted focus, and then likely as a whole also though the other things around will likely be darker and colder) and at the same time try to decrease the negatives. So, all in all this is an emotional-psychological reason-meaning for our life and feelings. When we have at least as much good as bad factors in our life, x-mind, there is no major pain (from the negative dominance), and likely no meaninglessness either as the meaning is with the positive, with the positive life and I don't figure there is any other meaning, really, though it's about the F, and mostly for the more or less Fs, though no one is without the F(s). The negatives decrease the good value of our life and should be decreased, and many of those negatives (and positives) are (additionally to more or less temporarily dominating X-/x-mind stuffs, including the lack of positives in the same picture) addictions and bad (wrong) habits and so a part of any realigion also (it will be relatively clear that psychology will get this clear enough to us one day, among other psychological things they will also keep improving with, so one can get some good positive energy from that future already now, and using the positive goods as increasing this times positive energy is a part of good dreaming and optimistic view - balanced with the pessimistic where the latter is a negative feeling but serves a sort of positive purpose. If we just could still get the balance stuffs clear, it would be pretty nice a pack, like a religion, that's still as a whole sort of ahead of psychology. Though I still have a major negative feeling about the mortality of our lives, that ignorance and lack of motivation I don't like, though not that it bothers when one is going strongly positive, but that aspect is a negativity and needs to be dealt with one way and the other), while the positives are generally not bad and should be increased instead, especially as they are the opposites also, and are to be more or less viewed in the same picture.
Leppävaara vs. Tapiola during spring is a different case than during the winter where Tapiola seemed to be more comfortable during winter than Leppävaara, and not sure which one is thicker then. Durings Spring Tapiola feels related to mere pink that I generally do not like and find it depressing, dull, as it's limiting the Aura too much and is not some city center red core that's the only place outside of expansive clear pink and maybe Leppävaara and Myyrmäki and near those, that have their good sides, like Leppävaara is clearly more half city than some Tapiola and I think the Aura in Leppävaara is expansive enough (not sure inside) and so possibly not to me depressive as one has just enough expansion, and then the summer Aura might not have the half-white problem like Tapiola has. So, all in all I would not pick Tapiola but might pick Leppävaara; and Myyrmäki and around though they are a bit more isolated (from most part having just a top good summer Aura during more or less of the summer, and so that's at least nice, maybe even four months and then I don't know of the depressing factor of the other part of the year but winter possibly isn't one of them and autumn just might not be one of them), like Matinkylä is, but Matinkylä has good expansive clear pink like all the time but during the summer Aura when it has at least the same problem as Tapiola has.
In Matinkylä one needs to go some 500 meters away (like to the south) from the shopping center before the good expansive clear pink hits in, that at this time and during the winter is top good, and I visited there little time ago this same month and it was a major good experience with good expansion but thick enough Aura to make one feel comfortable and as a whole it has half so a time stopping influence (like more or less the Myyrmäki and around summer Aura has) and it looks like one is not feeling isolated, lonely, or even naked but the opposite instead, and that Aura is more or less the same deeper down in Matinkylä also and it's gone only some nearer than 500 meters of the shopping center, e.g. there is one traffic circle where the redness hits in the first time when coming back, and then it's all that 'poorer' clear pink type though there are differences with those poorer clear pinks also, but it's no more the best case for sure and living under that poorer one isn't the best pick as the difference is huge (the small differences make a big difference even in Leppävaara vs. Tapiola case that do not even need to have expansive clear pink in the comparison but just a difference vs. poor vs. more or less of the time lesser poor and action vs. lesser action), and it's possible one would not even feel lacking people even as an ST-nf, in spite of not living in the red core city center or related (like near or so in a city like London, that I actually picked a little time ago under 7C tops and no sun or not much, and the poorer clear pink that is not good as it's not expansive enough nor there is enough redness and (red) core action either, but the Matinkylä experience was the first step in changing my mind again, though I have no factual supports for dropping the UK, just feelings or so that are always mainly bad when picking the UK and good when picking the Italy, the later being more like ENFP and the UK like ESTP, though just something like, as Italy is more expansive, more colors, more light, more happiness, more NF, more E, while the UK is more darkness, more colder, more ST (and nf-people, that's one reson for picking London or so though not that it necessarily holds but that's how it feels like and there are e.g. 10 times more people, communications, global language, more globality and universality overall and I would fit in as so and in other ways also, and more so under the ST-nf, while I do not fit in Italy similarly, and even the Italian language is alian and feminine/Fi to me much of the time and I more or less can even dislike it when not in the expansive etc. mode that's more like a fiction rather than reality, but it's on the line of all that is emotionally or/and good for me, if not counting in some other factors/facts but they might not hold and if I am picking the persona more on the NF direction rather than on an ST direction, then there isn't too much in the UK for me, and maybe it's Dublin then when they [UK] are out of the EU and Dublin becomes a huge city, and a good spot to die at, and English is the official language and Irish language lack should not produce a problem. But other than that there is a reasonable possibility to be born then in the UK or so and up to in France, Spain, that are also okay, like the Mediterranean rebirth after a death anywhere there).
The UK is also more sad (to me, even under the ST-nf maybe but it fits then better than Italy, no doubt about that as the weather is no major problem then and might even feel more fitting if it doesn't desire sun, and the better actions and people, globality, communications and persona different from Italian one, are then clearly better to be in the UK, or in London exactly, though not that the greater Manchester is a small place but like 2 or 3M, similar to Rome), more on the left or so, but in balance plus as ST, it looks like a good pick for action and hobbies under more ST-nf and 7C top with more or less no sun (that winter then looks good and I think it's significantly better than Finland though it's as dark but one is not in the bottle and the higher temperature makes it less depressing or so, though not sure but that's my opinion currently, though under the more or less ST-nf persona but maybe overall also, it in my current opinion not being the same as Finland during the winter, though I don't suffer any major downs during the winters, just that I am well done during January. I am not aiming at staying in Finland all winters but visit e.g. Italy or a place like Dubai [some dangerous currents, tiny up to killer snakes, questionable water quality, sharks near etc., but is figured to be safe enough like Australia, and is near enough and has all kinds of temperatures], though again, those things are not that important to my ST-nf in 7C with actions during the UK winter, where one then might even enjoy up to exactly that weather). The sun tends to stimulate my awareness (maybe Ne or/and EP) more out and then Italian also feel better and it's generally (depends also of what one has and where one is living and what one is doing, there being a place and doings and things for every state of being) a happier state than being deeper in darkness (though one at times can be drawn to darkness, it feeling like home, as the bottom line or whatever), in more Introverted (there is a block then like at L6, with some left's cooler in it and one is a bit cooler and smaller then, while the NeFi isn't necessarily hotter, though with the cooler block getting off one might some time be, but one is more expanded and those actions flows more naturally also in that Ne-world, and the T isn't as focused on e.g. physical actions as one might have that much F on top instead, the T then being secondary, the F in-between, the T-actions, and one is also more lazy or something with ST as motivation of doing so, not necessarily as ST-doings itself, but the motivation is different like in any normal changing x-mind mode, this just being an X-mind mode, and the N is an N, not an ST, and isn't necessarily any better from the T what comes to spontaneous loading actions. N vs. T, both having problems and kicking the T away too much produces T-problems though one is more NF then, while if one is living the ST, having problems somewhere isn't significant with the fitting life (doing physical work and physical hobbies though can be too much and more so to a non-born ST, who might handle some more, and so not necessarily a possible pick for me, depending of the work), and taking more T to the NF in my case kicks in more NT, that's not really fit to pick anything though it could pick either one but both options are not the best fits though I don't necessarily know any better and I have some trust to other functions telling me the truths about what's good as I know that under disturbed mind in one way or the other some places and languages become better and it's so only because of wrong things, though there are other reasons also, likely positive also, just that to some persona under disturbance can't see, feel the "wrong" things so wrong at that time. Any persona has a biased view as a whole, and being so makes any country and language just so unfitting that one wouldn't think it twice even if one loved them five minutes ago under a different persona. The N to me isn't N but NS, but still the N-case functions spontaneously in a dominant enough way to be like N, just more possibility for rest and changing it to NF or ST at that time, especially as I know those things. Kicking out the T in my case isn't yet an option, so Italian persona can't have its cake and eat it as well, before Italy.
Maybe something like France (I don't feel out of the place there like I do in Italy but actually fitting in though my ST fits in the UK up to better, but as I look, and as Si, France and French is just fitting, though I don't like the configurations of French) would be a good between darkness and light (and so so good place for me right now) as well as one can change the amounts there, though there is also north Italy. France/French has no major femininity/Fi in it and more or less Si it has (though not that French necessarily isn't ENFP), and all in all is somewhat close to USA and Australia in those qualities. Not sure what to think of French, other than I rate it better than Spanish (that I can't handle, it being more like a language to times where there were not so good things happening, it reflecting the type of life there, being fitting to it, its nature, though I have had some little feeling/view of it being - also - like ESTP in some ways) and I have no major problem with it, though it's written wrong and pronounced through the nose, and difficult to learn, though not that much of the way Italians put the sentences make full sense, being also difficult to learn, but French might be beyond my ability, but that isn't the issue and it doesn't figure to be that difficult or it wouldn't be as popular as it seems to be. And it's about what's one's place in the long run (that I don't know enough about yet and can possibly pick also, and then people seem to like things they are, while to me I also like things that give me e.g. the fitting opposites as they can simply add the missing part of life and so one is happy, though it maybe not being fitting in more or less other ways, though it sort of seems many might be more likely to get happy with the same, but I think they both add
Plus I like and have liked many things in a major way that are not my persona but Ne/Ti or Se/Ti from most parts, Ts in action I think, being what I do and would have done still more if having got the possibility rather than needing to follow more important aims and recovery, and then there are other opposites that I like for other reasons, including Ne/Fi and Se/Fi, but not limited just to Se's as opposites but from most part that has been the case for me, though when out of some modes, I won't like some modes anymore, but it somewhat seems from the doings point that I have been born with the wrong outer persona, like some are born with a man's body though they are women. Then there is a fact to the opposites connecting also, originating from the many laws of nature, as well as from the needs or whatever of balance. Doing a dominant amount and dominant time something, one figures to change, but not expecting the genes to change that fast as they won't, and one might better pick something fitting to the genes, though it's just the past but makes more sense if at least as good, that being an INTP or S-INTP doesn't figure to be as there is no ideal place for them in the work markets and I have no intentions of staying as so as it's simply a bad persona to be at at this time and on this planet.
things, and things have their own things, like Si down to earth like peace and Se being air and Fi being subtle, and Fe being e.g. more warm, and whatever or both one feels good about and that also depends of the x-situation, x-moment, loads, persona, likings, doings, work), like about optimal place to one's state of balance, loads and related persona as well as the language being e.g. more masculine or feminine (or whatever they are as a whole, e.g. Swedish and German - Fi, S-Fi maybe - has qualities more or less similar to Italian and it figures safe to say that when comparing to other languages - and as itself I think - and people Swedish people or men are said to be more feminine and then with the fashions of the Italian men, or the feel, but it isn't missing from elsewhere either as far as especially the fashion goes, but it seems to be there more and I think I have felt it also, more or less of what it is, though doesn't figure to be the whole story. These feminine languages might produce more happiness, the maculine or so Si ones being more on the earth and it's also what one seems to also see, e.g. from TV of how it feels like somewhere, though x-somewhere one feels, sees the people and to put it to be on the earth is a bit much so for now I might think it being a language Aura or/and Xconnection as 'imagined', though real) and if one has a problem with one or the other.
I don't think French is for me, though as masculine sort of, it's fine but then it's also not fresh, air, that's good for me, and I also started to feel it's a bit too artistic for me, though in the form of mashed potatoes, rather than air art with visual beauty with a window open and more expansion, colors, rather than non-visual art like ENFJ or so, though not that I label it as so but just to indicate something. There is beauty in French also but its nature doesn't seem to be for me. I also experienced more darkness with France than I expected, with my test, though not with sadness so much because of the temperature and the nature of French. The test started well, feeling good about the aspects (Si and the nature of French in better light than before and no major sadness, just the darkness aspect, silence, artistic language), seeing it better than before, but it's just not for me.
Italian, it can sound pretty bad in the hands of some more feminine or so speakers as well as in the hands of people who speak it ugly, but that's not the major though one needs to tolerate the extra Fi one hears, but Italian as it sounds isn't the main reason for me, but what it does for me, and so not putting so much attention to sound but to what it does and what it means when one is better mode with it (before that there is more pain). Italian and Italy, it's hard for me to see a better option, not considering dominantly the hard facts (and other persona) where the UK is next on the list but if one is going to give NF and stuffs like expansion and bliss more value, then it's Italy and Italian.
The difficulty in understanding Italian as it's rather differently written seems at times up to too much but the problem is mainly in the lack of words one understands and in how well one understands them and with work I have generally got the sentences clear and so seen that it can be done, though not that my (X)mind thinks like that, while some others might think more like that naturally, or just some more. So, I haven't given up (of) Italian; I think I can learn it better.
There are some dark pulls - a part of the reason is the poor clear pink that I am under currently that's doing tricks with my views - and time limits and other things that are major factual things also and it sure being the best to pick the UK there, but I think I better follow the likely better L/life and see what happens. My ST-nf has often prefered or needed the UK/London, and the UK gives significantly better winter than Finland, I think, and at least a bit better rebirth place possibilities (than Finland). The problem outside of the hard facts is that I am not an Italian type but at the better modes more, but as I can tolerate their language and learn it and get things going, I should do fine, it just being a good place as weather and there are no options to such weather for me really, and the language emotionally/awareness, type, is more of a bonus than a downside, and compared to other language options, there is only English for me, and it's the dark UK then. I don't feel so different in Spain, less so in France and not at all really in the UK, and so I think the difference has as much to do with the language as it has with my look and so there is a good reason to think that Italy isn't the right place for me at this time (one can use the same view with any things in life, that if one really doesn't see and feel one fits in, then it doesn't figure out to be one's thing). The UK/Ireland can be a backup (with expansion possibilities to Australia and Canada, with a list of good things on this path as a whole), that might not feel as bad then anymore as one reason for sadness is gone as Italy didn't work out well enough.
If Italy and Italian work for me, it can win me up to a lot, while the UK won't win me as much, just being something, though also an English rebirth is a nice bonus but isn't something I should put too much weight on as it's just a possibility and there is no sure it's going to be up to any good if moving in Italy or so in the next life, the Mediterranean rebirth being more useful then. And I can't believe the worse (to me) weather place is the better place and that some isolated Australia beats Mediterranean (though one basically is living in just one city, even if one is changing the city and moving around), and all in all that leaves just Italy for many lives if not born in Mediterranean or similar, in case one just stays there.
It's to be noted that all these arguments are basically worth like nothing (not dominating until there is a block one can't get over) as hard facts as they don't rule out the option(s). It's all about the persona, and the only place where the arguments actually are of some value is in picking a persona and style of life, and as a backup if the primary aim doesn't work out, and then of course if one changes persona, likings. The arguments mainly give the persona (likings, doings) aims an open path, and when ever there is a block (for me Italy has a block in not fitting in as a look as well as a personality and then language limitations, and doings limitations if counted in, it all just being limitations and differences and not being ready for it. Then having worse work and education - none really if getting it from Italy - possibilities because of language problems, and so even if getting over the difference of me vs. Italy and my age, there are still problems ahead that are covered only by the dominant Italian persona, that isn't picked by me yet, the case still being open, and the time is running out), the argument continues, as well as it continues with any change of (a) persona. And the counters (and blocking more or less the good views of the not picked one and seeing things in more or less too good light with the picked one though the picked one will be countered with the bads pretty soon and the alternative will start looking better as it e.g. doesn't have those bads as much maybe) are on all the time (more after any pick) as well as the fluctuations with personas.
The best for me, but very much resisted by my emotions, balance, state and all, related weather, is to pick the UK, get sucked on the bottom line and live in darkness and be comfortable there like under a blanket, and all is sort of well, just that price and "all" is there (well, not really, it having a price also), and with expansion possibilities, and there is still time, and it's like awakening, out of the other reality to this one, and the next my system has difficulties dealing with it and it then looks like Italy pick is the better one, and sure it is, but not with my lacks, maybe, I suppose, more like 50-50 though it's a 30 year thing and not sure, though not impossible but no guarantee, a somewhat risky pick Italy for me is. Even my type isn't clear yet, and that's the one that picks (though not that the Italian persona is any more fit in the UK than the UK persona in Italy, but I am clearly not going to be neither one until under ideal conditions for it and having picked that line and related doings and amounts of them), but I don't think it will be clear this year, and if it isn't clear this year (four years then being unsure), I better try the UK, and not that I even need to stay there, and so this is what is most rational in my opinion and I should resist any pull to the other direction here, this just simply being the best decision.
So, after this year I will have my pick, that almost sure will be a draw on average, as it has been, and so it will be the UK, and half so I won't like it, and even totally I might be against it, but I will be going. The time runs out this year (though not that I need to stay in the UK) , and pretty much the only thing that might make me to try Italy (risky as there is no UK then, or no London, England) is that I stay more on/in that persona during the rest of the year (I have made progress with the doings and persona picks but nothing is reliable and could change) and don't think UK is the place to be so, or even possible to be there as so (or optimal or comfortable, or supported, stimulated by the weather and the language), though in theory it well is possible in the UK also, but these things are somewhat unclear still by today's knowledge standards, but just thinking about how one might be in this or that place (and also in this or that work etc.), one might have some up to serious difference.
Much because of the place and language related persona, together with my picked mode of living and future, and the fact that it all makes me happier, I picked Italy, after having two days ago picked the UK, also as a sure thing (that has happened to me more times than I remember, after Nirvana; S-INTP fluctuations, pickings, inner observations, priorities vs. priorities, values vs. values, personas vs. personas), after getting over the block reasons that made picking Italy too bad; them being the time limit, that doesn't matter as I am not going in the UK, or I might later, or just maybe in Ireland if the UK is out, like it figures to be - and later Scotland gets back in the EU perhaps but that might take years.
I need to be slow with all studies as one can burn out in two months and take ten years or more to recover, but with some extra slow year or years, I should stay at least okay, though I am not okay now and the priority is actually on recovery, but that's life it seems. Needing more Italian ability and some EU laws' compulsory cards to this and that job and maybe some small educations of this or/and that.
My current flat is still e.g. often humming, and not expansive clear pink, but even silence would make a major difference, making the subtle possible, and expansive clear pink to that would be more or less good to hugely impressive, but these are the flats I get in Finland these years, cutting down on subtle motivation, insight, happiness, bliss. More expansive clear pink, in my case, and not only bliss increases, but being more content and all good things, including decreasing negative emotions. But under the lesser it's more dull human like living, other than what the Italian path as a whole might give, through all this.
UK is not my current picked mode and even if I pick the UK all I get might be next to nothing, or even worse in case it's really as dark a place as my emotions for one or more reasons think it is, for me (or/and to my Xmind, that might be much wrong about this).
Up to a great state is possible and with bliss too with just the Flattings being good (in my case, but not only in my case, though it depends of the person of how much difference it would make to him). But not under these my flats and Auras, my life having been some more on the direction of a blindfold game, that's very human. One possibly not even needing to think if one's state is subtle as then one just might simply see what to do.
UK to my state of being still feels like going out there to 7C and dark and sit on some rock (that's more or less wrong emotions based or depends of the mode). Though a high likelihood that I am more or less wrong and most facts and as a whole the UK gets the best scores (the base things - other than the weather basically that's not necessarily bad depending of the mode and imagination - are better, not to mention that my Italian isn't good enough for years to come and all study is basically bad for me), but I have some other ideas, though not verified by living it/them but life tends to be like that.
I don't currently have a block with the Italian case that would not make it reasonably possible, and I have made a bit dominant persona and doings pick that's going to stay as it's a part of my recovery path also, not just about my emotional happiness (though not that it's said it's not going to be good in the UK, it partly being what my emotions think based on many things, though at least some are sure).
I don't know how much other people have pick problems like this or related but I know that e.g. my S-INTP persona has made thing more difficult for me, asking for making personality and doings picks, though also because all goods are not in the same place, but split between like two countries in this case. The rational pick is the UK, a sure improvement, while the Italian pick is the hard way, but if that's what my "unconscious" (with some more or less verified sure things, including the weather) thinks being the best path and even the rational one things so if the situation would be better, but the emotions do not consider the situations that much, just that if that's its path and if there is no block (enough) on the way, then its the life pick. Right or not, this is all I know and make the usual current pick based on what I know, and if the time woudn't be a limitation, it would in time get to the end of this case. In the long run of lives, I don't have a time limit problem, but I am not doing better staying in Finland either.
The UK is fit in my case more for action rather than being a holiday place, but it can be a nice cool recovery place, and I am changing all the time as well as the situations out there seem to be and are changing all the time. My emotions do not like the nature of being in the UK and that's more or less mode related, and if the mode changes, as it keeps doing, and I change, this case gets to a whole new level or mode, me being different, e.g. in non-doings the UK was a no-pick, but having picked the no-doings without dominant need for Italian mode, the being aspects, the darker being aspects of the UK pick start to show their attractive nature, and this for no reason at all seems a bit better in Ireland, Dublin, than in the UK or in England or in London and Manchester, and that for one is an indication that there is a wrong emotion also about my negative feelings about England, if it's no different in Ireland factually but it's not showing the same amount of negative feelings. It's like I have felt Italy too hot, but it's not true about cooler cities and for that matter during cooler times. I can also remember many other things where one has an instant/lasting feelings about something but it isn't as much true as that or even at all and I have seen many changes in my feelings and likings about many things during my life. Just by making a small change like pick a different flat and/or area to live at, can change a lot of one's vision about the country. And it's not that one necessarily can't live fine under some mode in any country, so even those feelings can't be fully trusted, but they seem to be more reliable and backed by serious and absolute facts, just that it's more or less one sided (even under favoring mode), there being other facts also.
My mind is under this non-expansive clear pink and so has a limited view into what's better for me and one thing I need to do is to spend more time with more expansion, and think if my emotions would be fine in the UK under the better Flattings (though I am not counting anything on their flats). At least the sun and temperature adds goods to Italy pick, and is related here also.
I think my inner and outer situation isn't good enough for picking Italy, and I often don't even fit in there as personality, and I better add some doings in also (the main things that seems to make the UK option okay), though under good Flattings the UK rates okay for me for being also but as a whole it's generally not a holiday place, a place for beings. After a couple of days I have Italy again on (the) top, based on only mainly to a better feeling (NF-part over the ST-nf-part, optimal, serves balance in many ways, taking priority).