index
Brahma_Yoga_F-Meaning_Part_32

1/2013. I am back at fluctuating between Italy and the UK. One reason is that I have temporarily lost my taste to Italy nf-factors and it has been pretty consistent, and because of that I don't see nor feel the bads of the UK nor the goods of Italy but instead feel both the lack of feelings as well as the lack of doings in Italy, feeling like I am there like in any place but with a lack doings that are better in the UK. As being a zombie, I feel the UK fitting, and been thinking of the purpose of life from the doings point of view, though it's not the purpose, but life energy anyway, with a sort of a meaningful life or life generally. The work factors as a possibility of getting better work and likely better salary in the UK compared to Italy is up to huge, depending of luck also, e.g. the non-professional salary in Italy in 2008 or so was 800e per month after 25% tax (I got that much before tax in such a work in 1990 in Helsinki) (a flat for one costs e.g. 400e per month, that somewhat levels it compared to some 650 per month in London at that same time) and the base professional salary at nothing special job being like 1100e after taxes (something like my first professional job in Helsinki in 1991. One might think Italy is 20 years behind. After the possibly 400e rent - in a possibly colder and more noisy flat using more clothing and protection that both have become pretty standard for me [it's usually about 21C during the winter half on my current flat while the summer half was generally the best 23C though often a bit too moist even for clear pink] and the lack in ear connection to around is not so big at clear pink that covers more than the mere pink and I and my ears have got pretty used to protections - one has 700e, that's not little, if one can get professional work) when in the lucky cases one might get much more in the UK with a base professional job (with a good deal one might have here got a base €2.5k before taxes ten years ago in Helsinki, that's about the same job than in 1991 here - the year and even just the exact place of the job often making a major difference). Not all jobs pay as badly in Italy and it's easy to be in a low salary work in the UK also (could be worse than in Italy as even if one gets a good looking 1400 [in 2012 like that - 8.5 per hour - was the aim for an adult minimum in London] minus taxes - and NIC - getting maybe some 1k clean, so one does not have more than maybe like 350 after the rent - making it like a low salary work in Italy - and if one gets still less salary [the national minimum salary for an adult was like 1050k per month, meaning after taxes - and NIC - and 400 flat in Manchester or so, so also the Italian level. Though it all depends of how much they like paying just the minimum in the UK but it looks like to me that the salary level for a non-professional or so is the same as in Italy even in the 2012 UK, leaving just the difference in doings, that are worse in Manchester than in London if one gets just the minimum in London also], one needs to live at the furthest and so possibly white Aura [that could be so in Italy too with a minimum salary though they I think don't figure to have any minimum, and so some extra money/incomes might be making the difference] [they have those e.g. 200k people parts that might indicate they are even clear pink except - if not more tightly packed than e.g. the more populated part of Espoo - the end parts of London maybe, that then might be white] edges to get a lower rent, or share the flat or something - e.g. one has a locked private room though such might cost just pretty much like the single person flats - that they in some forms often do in London, so London doesn't necessarily look good or even be possible, nor any other UK city either necessarily, one needing to know more. Personally, I might need to drop the UK option because of that or go in Manchester or so and maybe try to get some better job from London later, but as the UK is getting worse here, I start to feel some sun and so of Italy in me again, with the usual light, more persona expansion, more life like so, though it's relative poverty for the next 30 years for me - the next life might then not be so good either in a non-professional job), making it then up to a really bad deal, losing the goods of e.g. Italy, though one might get some more education that in cases can make a major difference, that's pretty silly but I haven't invented the economics, and so my general line for base work is to have some education if it pays more than non-professional job that I though have so far picked for my future. So, it's not necessarily that one will not be poor in the UK also. In case one's state of being is better in e.g. Italy, maybe one won't care about the money as much, but it's a lot of dreams on/in the air with nothing solid and true for sure to the major amount to show for it - the same basic structure of life at both places. I have for some time been writing most of my personal notes (when I think, I do it writing, that might also be recovery for the left or even for the right, as I might do my thinking major slowly, using intuition also, that's kind of thinking similar to feeling) in Italian, so my Italian isn't all that bad, but being a zombie, I don't feel enough value in the language and the country (with the better weather and all) but feel the lacks of them and the lacks of the actions though them too being in Italy also but only half way so. And so all in all there is a good reason to be shaken about Italy and as well as doubt any nf- and sf-feelings that might fully take over and then the UK feels like the opposite. Though my zombie is like some Gautama's fourth or whatever, with no feelings, it's not real either and sure is not consulting the truth from the nf (nefi!?) and sf (sefi!?) and I know there are all kinds of absolutes, just that the facts of the weather comparisons and the place comparisons do not support the dreams of those absolutes to the true level, contradicting the facts, both in good and bad feelings, that I really do not understand to that amount, just that when they take over, it's the life and there is no question of picking something else then, but I am also a zombie and there are other factors also and the doings factors of one's life and I know the feelings make sort of wrong picks factually but I also know that the feelings are a meaning to themselves, the important thing being different, but it still doesn't mean it covers enough, that it is true to the amount it thinks, and all in all what I feel should rationally be more balanced between all the factors and not be split but I doubt there is such a persona that covers them both and there is no question that there isn't enough doings in Italy for my Italian persona that even doesn't care about the doings as much as my zombie that has basically just the doings life though I tend to believe it has some fun for the Italian persona also when it happens, even in the UK. While the salary, also thinking of what one gets on pension, for some 50 year old, isn't all that much a lose in my case, but still scary, though I can get some more money but not necessarily if I pick some F-path that might limit my doings too much. If the Italian persona for me would be a permanent factor, I would pick Italy at this age (even considering the possibility of a rebirth there), but as it isn't, I likely need to put some deadline to my pick of the country as I don't seem to be able to solve it, it being something I am slowly growing into and though I am an S-INTP and figure to remain so, I do go rounds with many different personas, and I can unload to more amount and drop the T for more amount like that, or even by will and not just as a mere fluctuation, that then leaves me around NF and SF, depending of my pick. All close possibilities because of my S-part, and that S is the reason why there are fluctuations to my persona and they all are somewhat blind to how the other personas see though they respect the serious facts to some amount but of course not as fully as some other persona as there are positive factors then also, that the other persona does not as much see or/and need. This is what it seems like to be especially an N-Buddha (a mere S already is a Buddha but with no fluctuations if not counting the ST's nf that some of the time takes some more over the x-mind, and because of their nf they too can view their emotional factors similar to how I and the NF-dominants view them, though not that the others do not understand basic emotions but they don't view them as major and don't really understand why the other types put so much attention on them) when it comes to making some difficult personality related picks, that are not really possible because of the in-built fluctuations of the new persona and much there depends of the serious facts (economics, doings, absolutes) and from much part of the range of doings in my case that I need to weight and re-weight endlessly on my path of growth here for the best path and it needs also many difficult life answers (needing a more or less scientifically based philosophy of life and living as absolute answers can't be answered mere subjectively and it's possibly too hard to understand all well enough and in proportions and see into the future, so making it more of a slow growth path, where the path too is one's life but does not give the whole answer that's there only at the end. The best one can do is to try and finally guess if one has to, the easiest being to grow old and die but then one has sort of made a pick of staying where one is, that's not necessarily any better) and is maybe asking too much for the limited time one has in one life.

The UK or so might not be a part of the EU in around 2016. After I have checked the facts of doings and other things and if they hold, I have the UK on my list before that deadline. I have been okay enough during the winter so far (the end of January) at clear pink (and bright light lamp) and in some more action and I don't feel that much a problem in the lack of light and sun (in case one gets much during working anyway) (and temperature) these times while I feel the lack in doings and in some other things, making the UK the better pick for me if the check holds. But I will have to go in the UK as I might not have the option later if I so pick or won't get or stay in Italy. This way I get this pick on the practical level also as I get to experience the UK and the doings there, and I will be there till the UK picks to stay in the EU, or till I get the nationality, after it might look better to go in Italy as I can come back any time then. No more moving in Finland, just getting enough preparations for the UK ready.

2/2013. After less than one week of preparations of the UK and being sure I (will) go there, I have experienced the extra stress of moving - inside the country also there is such and I will be looking of the aspect of that about Italy now also, and I have had it about Italy many years ago when I was first thinking of going there after two years of language learning and was in somewhat the similar inner situation except I wasn't cold, and that coldness is the problem about the UK to me, it meaning something on the emotional side gets cold, as well as is cold but the warm dominant part of the good emotions will control all that, similarly like everyone has the unconscious/subconscious not good feeling emotions. With coldness there is emotional coldness, and then the body too suffers; I got sick not just in that way emotionally just after one week this time but also physically and that's when I started to think Italy again, that then warmed my emotions, my body and I was feeling that good again and then my body too started to feel better. So, it's an emotional or physical health issue to me also, and the persona is somewhat related to my INTP as I see some liking aspects similar to it, though it also sees some things (better) than my so called Italian persona sees - as well as the so called UK persona gets things done faster as it's T, while the Italian persona puts more priority on the emotional state, balance, being, as well as they look at the preparations differently, but as I have again progressed the UK preparations, much of them are also Italy preparations and what are not all so has given me new or improved views and better information about the aspects of moving as well as my life in general, where I again was weighting the doings vs. the beings though it's persona (and unconscious) dependent and has little to no factuality in it, and so the being aspects are on (the) top again, nothing new about it as well as the doings aspects are seen as somewhat secondary and up to worth to risk losing even completely if that's the price, that should then also factually tell to me that they are not as important as the UK persona thinks, except when just being that UK persona as the only thing or the major it has are the doings - and with that look I felt the lacks in doings in Italy, it being the loneliness aspect in the lack of doings, seeing one is in a wrong place, but the Italian persona sees the loneliness aspect of living the life of being dominant in the cold and dark UK, though not that it's just the weather, but an inner weather issue also, and the outer weather actually does not bother the UK persona, but it seems I haven't overcome some psychological problem there as well as it might never enjoy the health of emotions and balance overall anymore with my current persona that's S-INTP and not INTP. But the UK is definitely the best pick for me as I am situated at as age and loads, but it's not so to the S-INTP it seems and to the Path it seems to have ahead and it's not possible for that persona, S-INTP, to exists as a whole in the UK, though it could go if it doesn't get or so in Italy, though that time is risk limited now, but worth the risk for me, though it means more and more delay to my leaving, but that's also on the Path. If I am right about these things, I should trust to the Italian persona and be untrusting about the UK persona, and prepare the point better that give me cold emotions about the Italian case, that has its shaking lacks, and from that point it's not only the UK but also the Italy that gives me emotional problems and on coldness to more or less amount, that too I need to weight like temperatures, it not being that the UK isn't without its goods, and I see and feel those goods any time the pick fluctuates to the UK, just that it's soon with the negatives also (up to just because of my problems or/and the whole persona, without the UK pick would not figure to get that much negative dominance later but the goods of it would stay on top or the negatives would be supported away in other ways or no support needed at all. There is a clear persona difference here also, not just an emotional weakness that though if in Health would handle the negatives up to no major problems and be more constantly in the first impressions of the UK persona likings), and I likely can't improve those negatives soon enough though I don't think it's impossible to get rid of that unconscious (with 'understanding' connections in the Xmind) but the main is that as a whole it's a long process even if some major becomes secondary, though with years it would then improve the UK further and let me be in a better balance in the INTP or so

Often looking also like a cold ST-persona when it's less warmth supported but that's because of my S, and the likings match the NT with SF as I feel that SF's likings in some of my picks as well as in the colder nf then that's not getting its major/support but as I am not an INTP I also have the nf live enough under that it's not happy like the SF/sf would be, and even my spontaneous/from unload, doings though also or only, persona has been on the path with more nf, even (a bit) pre-Nirvana, and so this is one of the problems as well as the reason for split likings and fluctuations (as one can have after any change as well as generally between different liking aspects) in a temporary dominant way.

Where the only Path seem to be to make things better and better fit for the Italian persona (I also need to focus more on patience that I also in overall way in some aspects have been some part lacking even in the moment to moment everyday life though it's strong in other aspects and the lack of patience isn't my overall weakness, and it isn't exactly natural that one shoud tolerate e.g. a ten years' delay just like that, but I have a weakness there I need to be aware of, and I need to think life as more like a P/path than about the 'instant' matters under the light of some aspects that could be improved now but still isn't the best path overall, the best P/path being the case, as long as it can be made to happen soon enough and at least one can try if it looks like possible and take the secondary option later, so it's like the usual psychological math where one tolerates temporary worse to get overall better goods during one or even two and more lives, or even just as balance and getting mental-emotionally, and physically maybe, better, even if getting up to nothing better in the outer world), and it's not even the weather now as I have now seen a connection of emotional coldness even in Australia - and Canada - and that figures to mean English then? Or/and the Italian aspects lacking. English as used, spoken or so, I don't see enough wrong with it to make it a dominant case, it not being that important if any as it has its goods too and isn't worse then if even worse if one would be an okay persona, not needing a support, and then the rational English path is way the better pick (the UK persona sees this as a whole and even I think he is right) with the best things in it in the whole world and that's (an 'economical') fact, though the Italian and weather aspects have their own goods and absolutes and ultimately one's life more or less definitely needs to be improved on that direction also.

There is some a major truth/fact when it comes to emotional coldness, that's an indication that something is likely wrong for one reason or the other (and remains as a fact so even when repeated many times, though one should see why, it not necessarily being a sign that something is bad, just that it makes some emotions colder as well as one might move from e.g. nf to st where the latter naturally tends to be colder to the nf,  though the st is generally warmer because of the right, but that's not about emotions other than when the emotions are colder one is more away from the right, or/and there is more coldness, and not that the left itself is necessarily warmer though in my opinion emotions can be both warm as well as cold and that's physical (also) and not just a word and looking that the ice doesn't hit the emotions is generally a good idea, though the whole case seems like the opposite of Sahaja Yoga where cool is good and hot is bad, but that's about hot and cool and not about warmth and cold, though I wouldn't follow the cool that's actually the ice/cold of the emotional hit from the left, a cold disturbance, except as an indication of a problem until it's eliminating something hot on the right and one so gets cooler, but that's not really my general line that I see most often, my case dealing with the ice and warmth and that's how I view and wonder things at this time, though when the left is unloaded and the right isn't, one is stuck with stucky (no left energy to keep things more cool as a whole and running) and hotter that needs to get out - or the left cooler added - and then one feels cooler and better, that so being one more case, like the hotness on the right generally when not stucky but just up to burning hot on the right, that is again one thing that is not on my main line but those other two happen more to me and with enough left x-load just the ice and warmth tend to be the case, and with reasonable balance and being warm one might see how e.g. monitor makes the cool/coldness run in one's system, being the visual and so left and then if the same when starting to do some right thing like using R2 more, one might see the hotness of the right increasing in one's system and body, and maybe flow through the legs increasing in many cases (if it doesn't just get packed in or maybe being balanced by the left), depending like if one has been without action or the actions increase enough and so the energy levels too and the flow out then too) and generally the picks that make one colder are bad, but there are bad and good things like anywhere as a whole and things might be relative also or under better situations, loads, one might handle some coldness or even see it as better (the same coldness then doing good, just maybe, relative good). But all in all, emotional coldness is sort of bad and emotional warmth is sort of good, but one is not to take it fully seriously or like an absolute (that though are sort of relative also if one isn't of the fitting personality types or is loaded, or wrong, differently) (though dealing too long with hot or cold isn't good for the body or to anything psychologically either) and it isn't worth that much without understanding the reasons better, that by itself is also possible development in understanding itself, not just with possibly increasing knowledge about the cases, that one though might very much need until going blindly with the feel, that isn't all that bad an idea actually as I don't see them failing here that often, though when some facts change, the emotions change also and what was good before, doesn't even feel that good anymore, meaning that the facts can change all of these emotions and only the case of true facts relative to what one is at the time (personality, hot, cold - one's state of balance, state of mind, what's in the x-mind or deeper currently dominating), remains and there emotions are smarter than the intellect as it can't feel, that's like being unable to feel it's too hot or cold and so making a mistake. Intellect can see the history and reason out based on that history, seeing the emotional input in/on the time scale of one's history of experiences, that the emotions can't see and can make a mistake.

That's to me X-mind compared to the usual x-mind that by itself is also the domination influence on the mind at any moment but not something that takes the role of the dominant persona like the X-mind does where there is less split as far as this persona thing goes but can be used for any functional change at least with other abilities and so somewhat likely for more or less connecting to any other things also (and some things to me have a rather fresh and lasting influence for a longer time in the x-mind already from the times before my Nirvana, being like fresh memory, though not that my general memory is any better). The one experiencing the x-mind is our ego (I) and the x-mind is the current happening in the mind, but with the NS the functional things can go deeper; the X-mind being the x-mind that's then sort of covering more space and can last any amount of time as it's personality functional. The old vs. the new and contradictory likings that all fluctuate more and less in normal life also. I am not counting the S-INTP being out of the normal life, but as old vs. new as well as a phenomenon in itself, and an improved as well as a mere changed persona overall, that all in all need to go through tens of years to become more and more one or the dominant one takes over more and more, and the Path there seems to be an improved nf-life aspect, both as a balance and a relative unconscious change (and improvement). And the need is the same with anyone who is an NF/nf. Jumping in cold water like the UK might feel up to good for a moment but it will soon get one hypothermic with pains, though not that the other options are without problems but for me personally they should be less overall and in the long run and I view some absolute aspect in these picks and to what they connect to also, and the UK isn't covering as much that ground and seems to be somewhat on the wrong path to my absolute needs with the nf added and maybe even overall also, though I don't have a full trust into the views made by one persona, but as it looks like I have a better path than the UK of taking care of the well being of my nf and any absolute things related to these picks, and other than some factual goods of the UK, that are not necessarily too bad in Italy, if any, there is nothing to support the pick of the UK for me and I don't count my hobbies or even necessarily the global English and better possibilities and things of the English world as being absolutes, them being just nice things to have but not absolutes, though I don't go that far as nice things have their absolutes and should be aimed at to have but they are kind of fake absolutes as it's just about people.

persona, but that would also be a pick, but picking the Italian persona means taking some counter balance to an emotional, psychological problem, to have a support and a support is not Health though one stays okay and that's picking the inner (and outer) weather and lifestyle to support that balance. But as long as I am not well without it, it also makes sense to use a support till one is okay, and it's a part of my general view also of it being better to use supports and protections as long and to the amount one basically needs them, that doesn't mean one is not going to work with the problems, just that one (counter) supports them, and when things are better or one has some other supports that keep one okay also in e.g. the UK (in the colder and darker waters, in that Sea), then one needs less and less the now best supports.

Yoga with no religion, Chinese style, seems like a good idea, not even having any E/enlightenment stuffs in it, neither smaller nor bigger. No K/kundalini, no D/dhyana of any sort, bigger nor smaller (the sensors possibly won't get into dhyana anyway and zen nor Sahaja Yoga need no dhyana though not sure of the lack of knowing the Kundalini then, as well as the lack in seeing and understanding the system, but I think enough can be understood as when things are done right, people feel better, as well as they do feel and see energies in some main ways at least. Also meditation can be changed to more being and less (mental) doings, kind of liberal zen, that's my path also and is more or less a spontaneous thing/need for me as more or less of that is the only way where I feel the best as well as get better in many ways). No G/god of any sort, no G/guru either. Nothing about chakras or even about emotions, just enough of karma and dharma to understand to stay in better balance and with positive energies, and maybe cold and hot energy to understand, and see how the energy goes away like through the legs and generally also how doing different things produce different energies, up to stronger ones, and how we get a habit to those (karma, loads). There is no block of religion then in any form, no language of religion used, and nothing to believe into. This is the kind of path I am personally in; the balance, the types of energies, the states of existing. This system is the most abc of everything and they have had a pretty good idea about it in China since the beginning, it being the form of Yoga they have there, but without any religion in it, though not that Religion is religion but it makes a difference in the mind of the common person. And the level of understanding of Religion and more or less any inner things, is just too poor and there is a lot of resistance to in what kind of a pack the goods should be at before they take even a second look at it, though not that people have ever understood energies either, Chinese or no Chinese, though not that the pack has been understood well enough there either, and though one might think people could understand simple things of the system (basically with just energies without structure and no energies they can't experience), I am not sure about that as even the average person has a major weakness when it comes to inner things (needs education of basic things). So, no enlightenment, no Kundalini, no chakras, no channels, no gurus and no gods or even deities and emotions or at least one needs to be careful (eliminating all that can't be seen and understood, is unnecessary for the abc. Systems often have aspects that are not based on enough reality or are not easy enough to verify at the most important abc-level) there even with basic emotions (though one might make emotions with the nf as a more important point also but it can be difficult and balance and energy levels deal with the majority of things) and more so with any connection to divinity as people don't understand about anything. But with the balance stuffs (in some observed and non system form), energies, there is potential to have a nice sort of system based on simple observations alone and if that alone is good enough for me (though not that that's all I have but it's all I do), it should be enough up to most and the most people can deal with anyway, and it's highly important for the health and well being of people, though even that is likely missed by most and I do have some additional things also in my life that I do, and that's about the well being of my nf (and it's from much part also at the simple here and now S-level, just having that nf there also), but in some form and with the understanding of the outer personality theory increasing in the world, it can be included in the energy stuffs also with and without reference to emotions where the thing is just the energy itself and maybe with the cold and hot included (it's possible people won't see them any more than they see emotions but they are less likely to not see the energy itself if pointed out in many ways though I don't have some top trust in that but some people might see it and maybe even somewhat understand it), but especially the balance with the health and well being (and these can and will go in time up to the physical body stuffs of medical science), energy amount, balancing as energy moving out or as energy being produced by some type of actions or even by being in connection with something of some type of energies. But again, even if all is told rationally, after it gets through people we have similar stuffs to outer deities, outer gods, gurus as gods or so, Sahaja Yoga (based on collective energy [I don't see one can say the Kundalini is there at this time, nor the understanding of the system, and that's why I don't think Sahaja Yoga has any future the next thousands of years on that exact area as it is, and considering other people, I don't think the Kundalini and its system even maybe is even worth a mention, it being a thing that just did not collectively succeed at this time, though it still has a place for that also now and more so later but at this time it's time to look elsewhere also] and religion in spite that they have the knowledge though the balance thing is also there though it needs no Sahaja Yoga but the understanding of the system one can get from Sahaja Yoga is better than it's anywhere at this time or basically at any time, being the best thing that has happened on this planet) and Buddhism (and Tao etc. Chinese stuffs also if one reads them also have similar religious stuffs, with non-rational stuffs also, that at some time might have had at least a rational bases, being real things in everyday reality or so) in the hands of the nf's and the whole collections of belief systems in Buddhism (not based on experience, understanding, reality) and so on, including the energy stuffs in case they have had enough reason/reality in them even in the first place. But the type of path I am in myself is based just on energies, balance, nf and is the core of health and well being and I can't figure anything that would be more important, and in the simple form, it has no major demands to understanding (though not that people necessarily will understand even that) and no connections to anything at all that differs from basic nature phenomenons. At least, the whole case can be brought down to as basic and simple level as needed or possible.

I have now picked the UK. The reason that made me to pick it was picking my doings, my hobbies for this life and for the next ones and the situation in Italy for them isn't good enough. There were other points also that came with this pick but nothing important enough in itself for the nf-persona, that would pick Italy in my case, and though there are enough for the doings too in Italy, that is not the case when picking the dominant doings as they make me like ST (these are more or less just relative, not exactly nf and ST but one can think so also, me being an S-INTP, making it rather different) and that is not picking Italy in my case and with my doings. I did find some warm spot in English and even in London, and in my doings, and I am at better balance now otherwise also than when I about some week ago picked the UK and got cold, then having more load on the left as well as less warming factors in my Xmind (that has now somewhat changed). With the UK (ST) pick the awareness changes, the light around changes (to ST-type, so to say) and I also have earlier and now seen that light in the pictures from the UK, especially from inside with the light coming in from a window, and it's sort of pale light, to give it some name but all that has no major hold over me at this time as long as I keep the balance and those warming factors also, then the pale light is kind of like on the other channel (program) and I am myself in a warmer state. So, possible no more major down reactions to the UK pick anymore, though somehow I don't trust into that and would wonder if at least the Italian persona wouldn't counter it. The pick of the persona, that could be done by the Italian persona, but it's not about the persona as much with the UK pick, but about the doings, that then produce the persona. Now it's just to see if the nf is going to take over my major preference of doings, and it needs to do it pretty well as there is a lot to trouble still to learn more Italian passively and then read it a lot to get it active (fi-it), and then possibly the lesser quality of work I might have in Italy, though I am not worried about those two factors, the nf being more important than those, but at this time not as important as my major doings in this life and after. What made me change my mind is that I put the pictures of Italian cities and some UK cities in my tablet computer and started to look at them, elimination not so pretty pictures and so, and about Italy I got some nice collection if pictures from Milan (that surprisingly were looking nice to me) and then I saw that my collection of Genoa and Sturla in Genoa were pretty, really nice, and then I looked the UK pictures and then it happened that I was feeling okay enough about my London pictures (after eliminating many but not even most of them) and that really started it, thought the UK still is and looks colder and more pale, and not somewhat warmer and nf-pretty like the Italian ones (of those cities this time but I have at times liked very much some other places also, so it's much in one's mind also), losing to them at that point, no doubt, but they were good enough for me to feel somewhat more comfortable, more warm about London, and then more warm about English, and then points dropping of Italy also because of the extra troubles of the Italy deal, though not dominant over the nf, and then finally it becoming clear that my doings will be with me in a big enough way in this life and longer that I should pick the UK, it being the place then. So, some things change and the balance of the pick changes, and though it's dominant then, it's dominant only as long as some factor doesn't change, get less or more. I don't believe into my feel of the UK anymore and as long as my balance stays good enough, and I value the doings over the nf, I will be better in the UK. The facts of the UK are mainly in its weather (that's weaker) and the rather neutral English (as well as it isn't written correctly) and then that it doesn't look like to be the place for my nf, that has more expansion maybe, but more light and colors with the Italian pick, and Italy as weather too as the pick for me is also about in a life of being and there are no such weather nor emotional factors in the UK for my being, it being mainly about the doings there for me though it's also being in a sense of different type of doings than in Italy, the joy being different, in the moment but different stuffs, different persona; different stuffs especially, having a different type of a life as so. Maybe there can be only one dominant, though fluctuations happen, but in my case I could have two or more dominants, but I needed to pick one or the other. Italy would have been the best pick for me if the doings there would be better (then I would not have needed to make a pick but would have had a place that fits to me completely), but as they are not, it isn't the best pick for me on the path (and so persona) that I have picked. With my other main persona, the nf, it's clear it hasn't liked it being made secondary, but the fact is that it's too often (a) secondary, and so it can't say it's the dominant one and so Italy should be picked (because it factually fits to it up to much better and it might not even be able to exists elsewhere as a dominant one, though it isn't clear it can in Italy either), and now it's just to see if it can make me think my doings should be secondary to that nf (that can't be there dominant in the UK, or at least not compared to Italy). The probability that I will be picking Italy again, is close to 100%, but that doesn't bother me at all and I am again preparing my UK further, heading to that direction and thinking that I am going to (try to) move there. I have made steps further in my understanding of Italy, UK, languages, doings and my future doings, but that the pick stays at this, isn't likely. There is also some dream in my, like memories even since the last six years or so, where I see some images and dreams of the pale type of living in some flat or old people's place like from another life (and the scary boogie thing from the dreams was at one of those a couple of times though not related really - it figures to be about the scary things in unconscious memory, also generally faced in Nirvana and non-doings and too much silence and at stuffs like that, and by music, movies, happenings, one's imagination producing x-realities of such also), and a dream from some school in like the UK, being outside of it, then inside, and all those connect to the same type of feelings at kind of dark semi-nirvana, ST, I some of the time see and feel and not all sure what to think about it, and it's not really what connects to the UK case as a main, the UK case being just about as I have written about it while this other case is like death, old age, ST on the dark side, living in the UK pale, some amount black and white instead of color, so it adds a bit to the UK(-)picture. The Italian case as main has only life, light, surface, high, nothing such, though there are things in Italy I don't like (and as a lack in doings it gets those dark things also, while pure white London/UK case might have none but a cooler weather (not as well fitting to a life of being and so) and more neutral language I suppose, if one would have the right balance and right interests (with warmth also) to fit the UK and the pale light too then being just good, like winter in Finland is good at times) but they haven't mainly got to do with the absolute factors of Italy and Italian. But I don't buy the view of the UK being sadness, darkness etc. and Italy happiness, light etc., those things somewhat connect also to my state (and the Xmind) and if I keep it good enough (and the Xmind changes some, with better knowledge at least), the downsides of the UK figure to be less, and the upsides of the Italy and Italian (that persona) figure to be less.

Am I better to be in Italy or in the UK (partly forgetting the time and possibilities), depends of what I will pick to be or/and do after I am there. Possibly also of what I need to be then for one reason or the other (for the start I know what I will be doing in both of the countries). NF/nf is important to me now (why? Because of the S-NT that's about ST-nf) but not if I am not S-NT or ST-nf later, in the near future even. It's possible I could be clearer ST any time now, even whether I want it or not, because of my S-NT and my doings and beings, and I have been going changing between Italy and the UK, English and Italian so many times as well as making progress on the clearer ST being happier and lately I have been in not only dominantly clear ST, but also having delight of it, the qualities of the UK fitting to it well, it being even happy about them, as well as of being the clearer ST, as a state of awareness or so also, having got delight of being so, and of course every dominant function, function pair(,) always likes itself the best. I know that at this time I still need the NT, that has the best understanding of dealing with not only my situation still at the moment before the move, but also in solving these problems, as one need to keep all the things together and be sort of intuitive about it, and though all use of intelligence needs to consider all the factors and connections, the NT in this case is the one that might be able to solve the case, while the clear ST (S) wouldn't be enough in the N to be even interested, it being about the ST doings and ST thinkings that are both more like doings rather than thinkings, it being more like living (doing) than thinking, even when its thinking (it being more like doing then, though one is free to disagree, just trying to make a general point here and what the ST is especially to me, both as ST-doings and ST-thinkings though to me also but as they are to me). The ST is about (S-)doings, just to make the point absurdly clear, and that doings is (S-)living and has nothing to do with (N-)thinking, the ST existing in the S-world with the S-clarity and there he functions with the T dominantly, a doer, definitely. The S-clarity has nothing to do with thinking like this though with the very best academic or similar Se/Ti-thinkers, they do make stuffs like this or similar, but I really don't at my ST where I drop the N-part and just live the S and do the ST, these N-things just disappear, and even the T disappears at the SF, that I have come to know as having been like one year in a clear SeFi (and so at the SiFe), and so I understand what the S-clarity is, what it's with the T and with the F. I also have seen after and during my life of course, Si vs. Se, Ne vs. Ni, and then the S-NT's ST-nf (the sort of weight on the nf, but with a constant vision at the same time at the S, ST, S-here). I don't really need the NT when I won't need it anymore, and I see that coming, and not only as a drop in the need of it but also as my doings or/and persona has sort of been optimal at ST-nf type or so and has remained so, the SF not having been optimal, that I picked after Nirvana, and as I have been years in the S-NT, the S-focus having been there also, with the nf (with the sort of ST-nf persona), it being like constant Vipassana (constant practise of the S here), automatically (with a need/optimal also), though I am still not at the clear ST dominantly but there is a possibility at any time, whether I "want" or not, it just being the further clarity of where/what I have been being and doing (and what's optimal) but the more I stay on the study mode of the NT/nf, the more there is a possibility of it not becoming dominant, though there sort of is no NS-persona but the past is like (and is) a load and won't go just like that (even some STs think to the direction similar to NTs and not any worse on that part, even with added nf-factors in it that generally are not there at the texts of the NTs, though it's tricky as the NTs also have feelings and understand them, and actually the mains of my understanding of the deities is from when I was an NT - with W&C - only, just that I needed to get the basic knowledge to understand that feelings are real, so to say, like it's still in the collective mind generally, though not in the NF/nf world that has always given wonderings to the NTs of what are they talking about and why their focus is so weighted there and not really understand that kind of living [the same between e.g. S and N types], or that the feelings being so centrally important when they are just

secondary to the NTs, so they do see them but they are sort of unreal or secondary and that produces up to extremely serious lacks and education about the matter is up to extremely important, though not that the other types or NF/nf's themselves should be without better knowledge, though not that the STs necessarily care or understand [the general weakness with the N all their life, and if combined with a weak intelligence, then one won't understand much. The majority of STs have a major weakness in N-thinking, often resulting in worse picks, up to bad life, worse thinking than with the N added, and that's one result one needs to consider when picking the ST, of how much one is doing fine with the type of intelligence one then has and what is one's emotional understanding then, that together with a good logic ability is an important support and intelligence to an nf, and NF, and SF in sort of way. Though the pick is possibly mainly emotional, the state of being and doings, supported by some reasons and possibilities], and the NFs tend to have both the lack in NT-interest and -understanding - bad knowledge and good experience based that as a whole form the fact to them. To NTs a good reasoned argument is a solid thing, but not to an NF who already thinks he knows better or something, having little self doubt about his more or less wrongly connected feelings as the knowledge. One of the main things to consider, additionally to how much one's rational ability drops with the NF, the F taking the dominant seat, is if one gets enough true knowledge with the F - the same for the SF - and as far as I see that is only half so outside of the support of the NT, one definitely will suffer of the lacks of that intelligence, but I have been and am trying to see if there is enough truth in the F, nf; the likely case is that there is the other half of the truth, an absolute like a deity, in it but the other half is then just air, one having just the green stuffs; the green things for some personality type and persona, and it doesn't take as much weights of where and even what that green things is, and the phenomenon of e.g. religion is a good example, among the nf's too, when it comes to the green things of the Fs, though the other types - NTs - have their green things also - different dominant likings and feelings or feels with the cost of the nf-factors that are sort of not there necessarily at all but still the NT like the SF is up to fully happy to his life, likings, doings - but it's not generally lacking as much in reason, e.g. religion as a whole is wrong from the NT-part of it, and needs to be fixed, though it's not what the f-religious thing is, the green stuffs, but as it is, it has a very serious lack in it and what would be necessary would be to have a good understanding of the nf-factors and so being able to produce oneself the best overall life in the light of those green stuffs, and it's all about the green stuffs outside of the NT, and secondarily outside of the clearer ST - as/when/if it has that much a doings weight in its life and likings, and the ST having a good reasoning ability and staying away from the NT areas to be exact, not having a liking there, though the STs do have likings even up to philosophy [because they, Se/Ti's, get delight from reasonings, logic, in some forms in philosophy also, and generally from details of like math, language details, technique, in the more here and now of the S(T)-things, and secondarily from the nf, that's the main thing for the NFs], not to mention religion, and it has its serious N-lacks, with some strong points also e.g. with the nf(,) the aim is to connect the nf with the logic without serious mistake from the NT-point either, and the Ss have the S-world better seen and understood, and if that's so also about the nf - and logic - then it will all produce a good and intelligent life). Those are some things one needs to consider when making any picks in dominant personas or even in doings. As well as one understands the lacks and the more or less extreme problems because of them and other factors. It isn't accidental why I think the nearest thing for a complete intelligence is the NT. Some things in one's views and attitudes (in one's knowledge, understanding) need to be changes, basically the understandings and attitudes and the paths about the ego and superego as a whole, there being a more smart way and improvements in how to deal with all those stuffs of psychology and religion, and without observations, knowledge and understandings of those phenomenons, things are not as good as they can be.

Picking some other persona but the NT(,) is dropping down in overall intelligence to something else, more specific to something else, and there the reason is indulgence in some doings or/and beings of those functions or/and using that persona to do/be things that one for like no reason wants to do or/and be. There maybe being no real reason to those likings and one might be able to just drop them and being with up to no such likings (sort of Buddha, so to say), though one has then picked to be with something or nothing, or just deal with the life's basic needs and nothing else. Life is all about the likings of functions and the dealings with/of the deities; the life energy in those forms and likings, with no real meaning to them but experience, delight, improvement. What one picks when it's optimally possible or the best in the shorter long enough  run, makes no major difference to the person itself at least. All x-doings might produce x-likings to them, though not that so when it's against one's x-moment likings and generally different from one's dominant functions, but one can get it at least x-rolling and even develop more or less liking by staying with it and maybe even manipulating the attitude (up to X-mind is possible) or improving the understanding of the case (changing the Xmind's attitude/understanding). And to be at some x-functions isn't the whole life but one can split one's time more or less and more or less deep with different functions and doings, though not that that necessarily serves the dominant functions and needs or what's best for one for one reason or the other. I personally might not currently feel like being in the SeFi in my future of this life, but it figures to be as meaningless as the resistance to any change because of the current functions or other X-mind or x-mind and Xmind factors, and the current optimal needs. And so the real question is why be something other than something else when and if there is no difference when and if one is free to pick anything. Being as one whole is a rather theoretical possibility (e.g. NS), one generally needing to more or less but dominantly be something, and it better be based on good reasons, seen from all points of views before landing at something more or less completely if and when possible.

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