6/2012. At least the current flat too figures to be warm and one might manage with the teddies most of the time on average, though living with teddies, peas and more isn't nice, just for getting things done maybe and then hope to get out some time in the future, like into a noisy and cold flat in Italy but at least I would live and die more content there and I don't see there is necessarily going to be too much difference on the noise and cold levels in Finland for me. If I can manage at other times with teddies and maybe some of the time without (other than during the nights), it seems like that's the best I can get.
I have put the Italian and Italy absolutes to a lesser absolutes position, that at least as x-mind and X-mind maybe, is put to the second spot over the harder factors of life and there I have put the Flattings and recovery among some other minor factors, like seeing more time, to the priority and if the clear pink helps me to see living in Finland (Espoo-Vantaa-Helsinki, that's not a bad combination really under good Flattings and a need to recover and see some more time, to pick, but I am not picking anything but will wait and see again some more but a competitive factor has entered and wiped out the Italian priority, that the hard factors hitting me on the x-mind and X-mind level have generally done and any time it might be permanent, the Italian option being ahead of my time and though better, not to me at this time, in this life, but again, time shows) being good enough, then I can do that, in this life, for the need of recovery and maybe Flattings in case I get those as competitive to whatever I might get in Italy and the UK.
The red core is reasonable to me only with under 50% moisture (the winter half in Finland is likely to be so) and a silent flat. But to me, I don't think I am fit into red cores, nor to mere pinks, mostly good for working like at red core and living elsewhere or the other way around is not all bad either and I did so in 1991 just before I became a Seeker in 1992, living at the red core and working at clear pink, though I was red myself.One might get some clear pink into oneself when working at clear pink that might be there somewhat at the red core then also, though it's a majority of the time one is then at the red core, and all weekends. But I don't at this point see the red core working necessarily bad for me when living at (the) clear pink. There is though the distance. But getting the best Aura 24/7 isn't easily achieved.
When one is blocked inside by the noise protection, then together with the red core in 2010-2011, and the need for using T, NT, it put me more and more back in the INTP, from more S(e), with a medium level of non-doing included that makes it also INTP, as when one does (or doesn't), one goes to the Se, Ne, Ti, S, and it's different then, e.g. ST-doing is ST and S-doing is S, and F-doing/non-doing is F, and unloading bit deeper is more S.
Then as well as my situation, problems, type of loads (I could be too hot or flying [when Ni is dropped] at EP, or in cases cooler though still flying just maybe, and lacking Ni that's the X-memory that keeps it all together, and at IJ one would be similarly stuck at Ti or Fi, while at EP one isn't stuck at anything and it has that/those lacks, that's nice as freedom but one's loads might not be able to be optimal there nor be a good way to unload as one might find it hard to impossible to stay put, but INTP, S-INTP gives me more possibilities though it hangs in the Ni like some IJ hangs in the Ti, but more dreams are possible at the Ni and it isn't as heavy doing as some Se/Ti, Ne/Ti or even Ne/Fi might be, as well as Te/Ni, Fe/Ni, so IP looks just ideal for picking one's times for action though one is constantly in e.g. Ni, that dreams so to say, but is also heavier and one stays put better, just needing to be aware not to go for too much action, preferably to nothing much and then one has IP-likings because one is living in that box most dominantly, though only when one is not more in action, when the likings might be different, or in my case they are (still) on the Se-direction then as my doings and likings are there, while someone else's doings and likings will still be at the NiTe, though I can use that too much, like when N-thinking, but it has much Ne/Ti in it too as I am not writing a novel; I don't do stuff like that - and couldn't as I don't think like that - as I have personally more important things to do),
it's just optimal or necessary even for me to stay at the INTP, though I won't much of the time any time it's possible as I have other ideas of what I like to do and be and deeper need to be, but it's limited in many ways to the necessary T and F managements and I am just doing what I can and working towards the aim that I think is the aim, just harder to see from all the wrong functions, and a variety of problems, though I guess I should aim to that what's good when things on the surface are good for me, but it's difficult to get in this life and there are all kinds of surface and deeper things wrong on this planet to keep me guessing of how important and possible a variety of things and values are, what is being good for me in the whole case and looked up to a couple of lives ahead, knowing what is not out there and in my Xmind and what's there at those later in the future near and further, and a lot other things, my life being complicated as I can't do just what I am and my situation is a variety difficult and I don't understand everything and that would more or less be necessary to solve my problems, but I have an aim, just not sure what the goal is but I figure to get there with the time and I do what I can to aim to the direction I see sort of the best as a whole, or the next too on the list or Xlist.
I need to know the world now and later, and my Xmind now and later, and understand personality overall better and better, as well as values, though I like to have my own life and do my things, not too much values about that, just my things, my doings, though some things, like Italian might be on my list and maybe should be and it's a good value, like a fitting country is, and economics and the best possibilities for doings and other things too, even if not of high values, that I might put my time instead to but it depends on what I am and what I want to do, and maybe need to do, and learn.
There are many functional values and I know they all should be respected as much as possible, though that's not part of being top functional that one is, and can be, though in the future that might not be as much of a case, just a possibility. If some things in us are not happy, they are unhappy (and undeveloped, not collecting experience, lived enough) and it's generally not good to us, though there are still picks of personas, though needs too, loads, karma times, things not changing permanently fast, though one can X-live more or less anything now and soon but then one needs to be free to be so (no need for e.g. NT-understanding, or even thinking) and it needs to be smart to do and be so, and I don't see that in my difficulties or even in Dharma, I am free to be other than an S-INTP, and not a sure thing I could even change permanently though I am positive I could as I can live at more than one persona any much I want, e.g. even just X-unloading of the N, and of the T if I want, I am more or less at the S, X-S, and as F if I want and if I put the Ni away, I am at the Se basically, at Fi without T, and with Ti if picking mental or physical doings of such. And I could be at SiFe, SiTe, also based on the same, but I have been put by bad luck and problems in the INTP back, S-INTP, and though it's biased to say anything when at some persona as it sees it from its point always (thinks it's the best or one wants to be there, kind of like in addicted doings in some ways), but it's perfectly logical as INTP is for rest much of the time and then it can use Ne/Ti, and in my case more so Se/Ti too, and can be at SiFe, and with the manipulation at SeFi, that I haven't done dominantly much and nothing later since the start of my extra problems as I need the T, S-INTP is also nice that it gives me more on the S possibilities, and Italian persona gives me also some at the Ne/Fi-world, that's good and balancing for me as functional ethics and as whole and it looks like it's important though I could any time be at ST that much and at Si, Te, Fe, Ni that much that it starts to get more alien and not liked, because of the distance being too much. But I think it's good, just not sure such a balance is the thing to do but it's not one sided then and fits to me and to my functional balance and understanding just fine, with fluctuations also between functions, being a limbo persona though it has some possible aim also, at least till I have become something and doing some things so much I kind of stay there most all the time and then I am that as longs as I stick to them, and there is no moral to that then, just a kind of random meaningless personal picks, and what's the point of picking a bit this and a bit that, it not being something fitting on this planet where one is supposed to be a lot (of) something, that's more fitting here, though not necessarily to me.
Too bad life is so short that I don't really get my things done in one life, needing like two, just to get to the starting point where one should be when 12 or so, but this planet is so ignorant that it takes some over one life at least to get to start with one's life, though not that I haven't done any good to myself and had fun doing this and that, but many things need to be right before one can really just start to live, like the normal people out there, who are unloaded, have their lives, possibilities, but not me, I am still on my way there. My life having grown from inside out, maybe because I am a dominant Ni, the outer things coming later.
I do feel comfortable in my heart at the clear pink here, and this is more light though still at this time feels heavy (as not my aura and moisture is a bit high though dropped a bit under 50% as it has been hot rather than a drop from hot. When it's hot and sunny outside the moisture drops to 40-45% here but at other times is at 50-55% that for some reason feels a bit uncomfortable to me though it wasn't such a problem at mere pink as it was at red core where the only comfortable moisture was 45% mostly. At sunny countries the moisture of the summer might not be a problem near the sea either - in case it's a bit more near the sea as it's possible one feels the sea also more like in the UK case just perhaps - before the temperature starts to drop or/and the sun goes away, like in fall, and then the winter temperature low enough - like in Genoa I just suppose - and the moisture problem inside might not be there, though in e.g. Italy there is lots of sea around and one often lives more or less close to it.
Not being at a state of x-unload, can be comfortable or uncomfortable, depending exactly. I also get heat problems even from the thought of a sunnier place living while I go cold from the thought of a cooler place like the UK though too sad and [de]pressed then too.
From X-thought especially and it basically X-stays so till some other pick or a part pick is made in case there will be an X-change, and the same X-change also goes for being X/x-depressed or X/x-happy it being about the pick, attitude, view, positive/negative and then the X/x-is and basically stays so till another pick(s) or a part of it is made, this all is [X/x-]selective X/x-mind state and one can X/x-stay in other personas/functions also like that, and anything really, as long as it takes the X/x-dominance, and any doings will put us in some state also because that doing makes the optimal changes in the X/x-mind/brain, body-mind-emotions, also.
Doings, attitudes, views - imagined doings/beings. And not that all contents of the imagines stuffs or how one views them are necessarily real/true but from up to most part they seem to be, though somewhat X/x-mind centered, instead of the whole (X)case after X/x-it melts to the whole or/and becomes less X/x-new. Also, there are sad and happy things for us and in us, in our cases, like functional sad and happy things and they are true and one can have focus at them and be happy or sad, that being our whole reality and my point about them is to not be too sad (nor any painful) most of the time, at least not that much as one could be but watch that selective attention and the whole and it's good to take care of the whole but it's not so good to live on the downside in the long run though it might do some good to live there some time and sometimes and partly maybe as they might change to some bit better and one is more realistic of the whole though not that one needs to live in the pains that are there just because on has some problem but it's also smart to sort of partly ignore it as it's nothing but a side product of a problem one can do up to nothing about and is not the core of life and living.
One is to be aware of the whole also and the X/x-selective factors, as well as know when things are new that there is not that much one can do about to but to manage them in more or less ways, and be aware that they are not the whole, and the same for constant problems in the material or emotional worlds, there being nothing one can do about them but suffer, protect, manage and try to improve the situation.
Fom direct sunlight inside like from candle, heating up too much at least till getting more used to it, then the body can feel colder when not having that sun, adjusting its heat managements somewhat perhaps.
At clear pink I don't feel problems in the heart, and this is lighter than the mere pink, just that I feel some heaviness here and the eyes are not all good, though not that I make a major-see to that being the case most of the time but it's there all the time and part of the heavy factor in some ways so all isn't right and I hope my aura and getting used to this flat and to the clear pink (and the eyes) will improve things further. I feel kind of strange here also, that I can think a few things but can't all see or print all of them yet, but e.g. getting a break from the bacteria/virus will sure clear things as I know from my previous mere pink flat, and then some north-west Helsinki between Vantaa and Espoo can have such also, as well as some Itškeskus and the nearer east Helsinki might have, being a split of two or more factors in the Aura (in the air is also a possible extra but these are all in the Aura, though that factor might also be physically in the air but still a different thing).
7/2012. Just maybe I learn Italian well enough; one needs all kinds of levels like A2(.2) even for a very simple job (A1.x seemed to supposedly need three months of full day study in school and maybe more at home like the weekends also), and possibly at least B2.x for an above simple (one can look what they ask e.g. in one's own country) or basic work, that might though be needed there also, though not in practice.
After ten more years of not having made it (Italy/Italian/flats), I have 20-30 years left, to do 'waiting' with, after I more likely can get out of this situation. But as I am at my hard factor X-mind at this time, I tend to bend on the UK direction and then see next life what I will pick, but it's not that my gut can necessarily digest the UK, like I have problems digesting Spanish.
My Italian might be like A2.1 at this time and to get to B1.1 is the next step. A2.2 is the end of the A-levels and one might wake up with an ability to speak it, with the words one knows and it looks like a fitting end to the A-level aims, though it's about the core. The B1.1, the additional passive words cover enough. With B1.1 one can officially survive in another country, this being the level needed; one understands enough of what (one) reads and hears (meaning one can communicate); a "working" ability, meaning it's good enough to survive. That might be a time for a try. Just is hard to achieve with Italian, and the official time for study does not correlate with their descriptions. The next step, B1.2, and one is able to communicate officially "fluently" (not necessarily as good as "spontaneous" that's at the B2-level, though one can have strong and weak points and it's often not possible to rate one to just one place on all points) - that would look better but is asking too much for a try to get somewhere. The B2.x is the aim of the higher education A-level ability and is above what simple works [should] need. When I have got a larger passive words ability, I can then basically understand and communicate enough, meaning B1.1 (after the compulsory school education one is, as far as I read, on average having that ability, though the aim was at A2.2 [that in my view has learned some thousands of basic words, more or less actively, as they are basic, and knows the very basic grammar more or less, and the B1.1 in my way knows thousands of more more or less passive words, so one can more or less understand what one reads and hears, though not if it is Italian (one can understand the Berlitz level only, that's enough to pass the language test for nationality at this time - that one might not need because a permanent residency might be enough - but not enough to get a job) the A2.2 being just the very important core, that needs basically just more passive words to be at the B1.1 and then use it to get it fluent to achieve the B1.2 level, though all somewhat according to me or to the way I prefer to learn, and I don't view these parts the same way and less so as some learning hours and as all improving at the same time slowly as it's a rather painful way of learning. After B1.1 here is no further to learn but just use it as one can read already (maybe not Italian), and then just reading English gets the language ability fluent fast, passive words get active and so on, and that's pretty much my level of English ability. Three major steps, to keep things simple and basic, and any grinding of learning more can come after that if one needs more], meaning any such on average might understand my English but not necessarily get even basic work in the UK). With the B1.1 I am then basically good enough and it's getting naturally stronger to the point where it in time rates to pass the language test(s), when it has become fluent. I think if the basic work demands more than B1.2, they are asking too much because one is there not only good enough like at the B1.1, but additionally fluent and it's the main goal to achieve the B1.2. The next being the C-levels, where one would need to at least activate all the passive words
Though there are maybe 100k more words to learn or so left but the common English person doesn't use them, and not necessarily even know much of them, and less so actively, and there is a small difference in pronunciation even for them, though it is much logical and from mother and social memory, but not all, as not used that much, and the higher education people often study the words there, something not needed that much if written better, but they are using more words also because they might need to understand them during studies also, and that makes it difficult in some studies when one's mother tongue even isn't English, and up to impossible to be that good at that point in English also, and it is difficult even if it is one's mother tongue, so those lines of studies fit then best for English people, even if it is in one's personality area, and especially if it exactly isn't.
- the latest there one would need to improve on that point. That's the higher fluent ability that understands enough of what one reads and hears and so can as so communicate also. B1.2. is the common man level similarly, the level my English couldn't pass. B1.2 is enough to many jobs, especially because it's fluent. The B1.1 being the same but not fluent, just getting things done. Though not that my English isn't fluent, but I am poor and can't say that even my basic pronunciation doesn't need improvement. My B1.1 can manage any common English text fluently, including books and news; something my Italian can't manage and isn't going to because it may not get stronger by mere reading (in case one will much lose it), at least not without major efforts (and some years), while my English got there after reading a couple of books (my Italian failed to achieve that).
The other languages are Spanish and I think Lingua Franca Nova (constructed language, like all though). The Spanish world would be maybe Argentina and Spain, with some other possibilities and a large enough language group to discard English especially if a dropout. One needs to digest Spanish then and deal with the economic situations of the Spanish worlds. LFR is a combo of Latin languages, mostly Italian if you ask me, but in a more simple way and with a simple Grammar (English has a simple way and a simple grammar also), and it is good, but it makes zero use to learn it and we have Italian and English, and it would need a decision from the EU or so that it would become compulsory basically, before it makes sense to learn it. There should be such a decision, but there is not going to be, and time tends to develop things further and I guess that one will be English for a long time, that can be improved also. I have significant to serious problems in picking something inferior or unnecessary, but I am trying to see and adjust to the optimal way. It is very close that English is 100% the international language, just some global fluctuations still happening, so not sure. One might still be able to drop out of it even officially, just needing basic ability, but in practice it is impossible for up to most, being as or more compulsory than math. Though not that one needs all that math, but that's the same with anything that is more than writing, reading and basic math; just needing a profession additionally, but this planet has other thoughts and one might better adjust.
What I feel about pictures and things has mainly not changed, the only thing having changed is my state of being based on my balance, X-personality and where I am living at the time and how I am x-feeling at the time and the whole knowledge and experience of all is digesting into my Xmind. And there are absolutes, e.g. clear pink is one of them, that has expansion, clarity/purity, comfort factors in it, stuff for the mind, feelings and body, so they are absolutes, though not without some lose, but that's how it needs to be, how life needs to be, and then there are other (sort of relative also) absolutes like the language and the weather, the place, and those as well as other relative stuffs to how one is, but it's not always possible to get after some absolutes when there are other 'hard' absolutes to counter them, way more important if one looks them as peace vs. aesthetics, one better being with peace, comfort and when they are not there there is up to a blind spot for aesthetics and weather and one highly values practicality or so, the harder factors, but that's then under the pressure of the hard factors and when it isn't there, the other values become important, like how things should be if things would be okay on the basic things, but if getting things good enough on the basic things needs radical picks, then that's what one might need to do, depending on where the balance is, how much the need is, and then if one looks beyond the moment, adding the whole future into it in this and another life, then again, one might pick against the moment and hope the moment slowly gets better with the other pick though one is going uphill with it for many years and has maybe an unsure future when with the solid hard option things would be more clear and one can try to change when things improve.
Seeing (in)to the future as facts, values, priorities, personas, one's overall life, is that hard that it has failed time after time though mainly because I am not okay enough - that's why I think I should pick the pick that's the best if I would be okay it being from the absolutes point the correct pick but things for me are difficult in many many many ways and there is a time for everything and what one will be and do isn't clear till it's clear and so one can't say that one pick is better before those have come true and I might have to change my absolutes picks and personas and priorities and that would wipe out the Italian persona completely under a different set of personal priorities - and I have been getting more and more short of time and things haven't been improving well enough, but still, absolutes are also dreams, and absolutes or values, not just that if they materially come more true in this life. But this is all one long run, the next things on the list coming true no matter how long it will take, just that it isn't all clear what that list is, but it is about what I am writing about.
55-75 is 20 years - in theory that should go fast because time goes really fast when one gets older and older like it has been going ever since some age of 30+, faster and faster). From most part there has been the study of picking places with different priorities, values, and getting to know some more what's there and here and what's this or that important and forming a personality with likings, priorities, and then see how all that compares to staying where one is, or improving things where one is, and if it's worth pushing things when not okay when one could just 'relax' and 'rest' and live a 'slow' life right here and dealing with the other factors as hobbies, personalities, next life things, as dreams, but it's still hard to do when there is still 30-40 years left, though that's dropping fast, but from my point of view it's still major time though not as much as seven years ago and then things still had a better possibility but things didn't went well enough for that and I lost more time when I really had no more time to lose.
Now I have recovery at higher priority than I had some time before and that slows things down further if I stick to it, and basically that's my part to pick to it, though with a counter cost, so it's just not one idea I can hold on, but the situation is really difficult for pushing things, and also hard factor difficult for not pushing things, and so a place like the UK has had its attraction as the way dropping just into the middle of those needs, just that I might not be able to digest it, it not being on the path similar to clear pink factors, that bring good things as do non-UK Aura and even Italian over English though that isn't clear and might change as a major to the English, but still, I would need to digest the UK with it, and especially the UK and the odds are against that I will be able to do that on the level of my emotions and awareness, those factors not having shown signs of being able to digest the UK well enough, though the UK is just a country and there are many places in the UK and it has English and more ready for me and even to my doings it fits better and with up to maximum possibilities, so it's not that there isn't a lot a factors on that side of the scale, it just waiting an acceptance from the emotions and awareness, from the stuffs that are important to me and one of the factors that was getting more happiness even in the UK was to digest the expansions to/of the UK, especially Australia but also all other global factors, and then though the UK still is there in the hole, I was some separate from/of it, in the UK but not in it, though not that that necessarily will last but the possibility is there as anything one has on the X-mind as a dream, will more or less stay there, like any hope of the better, any look into positive factors. Of course, putting oneself in/on/to the wrong place like that isn't natural, but as a step in between it makes things different and is an acceptable thing to do, and does not necessarily need that one is reborn in the UK, it being about the dream, of the pick, not just about the place but of the X-dream.
At this time, I am seeing the clear pink living in Espoo-Vantaa (plus Helsinki there) some better than before, there being potential and possibilities and action here too, maybe not all that much but maybe enough and no need to go anywhere, having options open and maturing on the new persona(lity), getting to know more, maybe recover some more and then putting the value of the remaining life in getting those and then being ready the next life and even more matured to make the pick that one is better to make, in case it really even matters that much where I will live, but things will definitely be good then, being okay and me being more whatever me then, just lacking knowledge. But the trip to there is still sort of long to digest and so makes me want to push things somewhat, more so when the hard factors of flattings (at this time) and the weather are there in Finland (or they are there in the UK and Italy also more or less and possibly even more if things get better in Finland), and the lose of knowledge at least supports the case of pushing things, and pension time isn't far away (it's up to 21 years from where I am now, 44 to 65, but I look things further ahead and see already like ten years cut off and soon they will be cut off and then to get the nationality or permanency of the country takes 5-7 years and all that double work with further language learning and difficulties in Italy, lesser work just maybe, maybe worse flattings, preparation year(s) before even going and getting anywhere and so the 21 years really isn't there, just maybe 10 years of it might be, and so I am already thinking (of) the age of 55 as a fact and not the 44 that's now, and I will be and look further old, that's also a factor to count in), though being still older. Though the absolutes (the dreams, personas) don't basically look into age and time and the other now things are the recovery (slower living, here and now, balance, better emotions) that also are in a space of (good) now, the absolutes though also pushing into future here while the recovery (and clear pink) are more about here though also pushed after and form a major part of my personality as it needs to be, to recover and remain so, and with balanced things if that's what I still pick after (or even some after or during) I have got recovered some life, though it would make some sense to continue more or less as being more balanced and as I up to rate to have the knowledge always of it, it figures more or less what I want to do, and I value awareness and emotions (as a need the nf-harmony needs, that has the absolutes in them also, though the whole case is some tricky also and e.g. can be too shaky also, e.g. not taking enough hard actions and putting too much value on (temporary) soft things, so some work with that balance seem also good, all this being about priorities as well as T vs. F too, and I am sure there is a balance there somewhere, them not being other than parts in the picks, and that's where things get more complicated, but the best picks and the future come from that game), and balanced things with actions, T and F, and S with N, plays a major part too (though doesn't mean one will not 'pick' a major but going to the extreme with it is not good even if giving better results at that area and even if the current things on this planet is built for the extreme, though one just some might still manage in some cases) and I know those things in practice in this life, and more or less am then build to value them in the next life and beyond, building new habits and better balance more unload in this life making it further better though the need to push the unload some more being less the more one has it.
When in action(,) one gets some more blind to the other factors, and with passion to something, one can get one sided and what does that one thing matter then in the whole if not being in passion/addiction to it, there being so many things and persona things one can pick and do and nothing much is supported as a pick but the hard factors, relative personality factors, one's needs, and not the passions, addictions, likings as they are just bent on some direction because of one sided views and might have up to no place in one's life based on real needs and balance.
The reason for me to get pushed out of the Italian and Italy(,) was a combined bad news on flattings and work situations (here/in Italy) and all other things too being that much more difficult and unsure in Italy, and I can put the time of learning Italian to better use and I actually picked English here overall also, and the combinations of the UK, Australia (as a possibility) and my situation now and even later.
Picking the UK and English related path/persona, though with whatever I got from the Italy/Italian persona also, it not maybe being in them related, some like sadness maybe not being in the UK so much as I think but is related and I have got once sad about the worse flatting situations of Italy though not that they are necessarily better (for/to me) in the UK or even in Finland, just in Australia - and Canada, USA but I am unlikely going to be at least a Bachelor of something any time soon because of recovery needs if nothing else like ability and multipersona doings, or even hobbies and other needs/priorities, and rather consider what other is there, including the Spanish world (and if it really works in practice and the cost is right), though maybe in most cases I am born in a country with less reason to move elsewhere, though things can be improved, a step at the/a time if necessary.
I am ready for this pick and it looks now that I will after up to several years in Finland give it a try, going in the UK. The cool holes (with limited awareness also) with the depressions of the UK, there is cover to that as extensions and clear pink (now at least but it gives views/information also), and I don't fully believe into the depression aspects in a place like the UK, though it's much like Finland as the weather, just some warmer during the winter and some darker during the summer and all that is pretty pale, but in the light of clear pink and the extensions (as a dream) it's fine, plus fits to my situation and state of overheat, cooling it and I have less needs for brain things (learning Italian - that actually is secondary to English). I think I will end up trying to get in the UK and I think I have no better pick and I have some cover to the depression factors of the UK (there is also a depression factor for staying in Finland as it has less of a future - and this moment too living in the UK doesn't feel as bad when thinking about the winter and action - to it and even facing the difficulties of Italy, and Italian learning, has its depressions and/or pains). Though not that this is the first time I have picked the UK, even up to seriously, but this time it's again better, and I don't have that much hurry in me this time (I have worked that to a less by more accepting the reality, and the now moment has a life here too with all the things, and it was actually some fiction about Italy as life there is just like life anywhere, and that has been told by many about the reality generally, and with all the difficulties in Italy for me, it just doesn't look like the best pick, and then when adding my difficult situation to it and taking the English and the UK path/persona and now not so or at all because of the persona liking but as a factual pick, and actually the persona is not at this time picked this way or that way, it just not being place limited, and all that makes some sense too - though because of the extensions without such it not making full sense as I do see different needs and personas picking different things and a country and a language are things too), the clear pink and being here as recovery and otherwise, being on the picture more strongly.
And I do feel good about the pick like I usually do, partly because of burdens of Italy/Italian and the picking being gone/less, and then it's supposed to follow with the negative feelings of the UK and up to depression, though that wasn't so that much the last time, but this thing goes down from this moment, it being the positive peak together with dropping of burdens, and then follows with the negatives of the UK and the burdens, pains, fear of preparations and failures, rather than just the positives of less burdens and more better things and possibilities, and then it should get some of over those negatives too but it seems to be more there because they are the next on the X/x-list to be dealt with (the Buddhist type of path in a way,where it is about getting rid of negativity, so called desire, and anger, to be of pure/non-animal mind), but looking further into the time when it's all done and one is in the UK, gets some more reality to it though that view remains in the future and the burdens in the moment. But at this point it's sure my positive view is too much on the top and the drop of the burdens of the other picks (Italy and Finland) will not be seen that much later.
Australia possibly being my best aim (depending on profession and English, if opted rather than a dropout or/andSpanish or whatever there is in the future, and if one needs or picks to move) and it doesn't matter it being in the next life, it being in this life too when picked as a possibility even, and the UK is possibly my best pick in this life or a temporary backup, also considering the place of the death. And the present moments factors of clear pink and other, like the hard factors, take a priority and the rest will need to fall into their best place in the whole. I am feeling rather liberated with these picks (I have before too, with the UK pick, but it's again some more a mature pick and I have the clear pink support and the moments recovery goods to as being life here and now, less place dependent and more time factor eliminating - as the now and here is); they couldn't make things better for me though I might have some trouble in the UK compared to being in Finland (though it might be worse here too) but there are enough goods to cover that and the death there is a bonus, and not too far away, so no matter what is bad there, it won't last a lifetime. But again, it's to be seen as just another place, and the only factors are the real factors that are better there, and this time there will not be as much trouble as there can/will be in Italy. But these seem (to be) my best picks, they fit to me, to my future and are realistic (being realistic [optimal] and best maybe doesn't rate to happen at the same time but this time they do, there being a real possibility that this thing goes more or less through as it's here).
With the pick of the UK, I lost the Italian picking X-form of my persona, that's great from the balance points, I am so ready then and need no further study and I have just about all okay, so to say, but that's like so. I get smaller, awareness gets smaller, I lose right energy and get cooler, but up to low at it and there are depressing factors and the persona has less emotions in it, less life in it, less warmth in it, and all that makes me wonder if I should pick otherwise, though the changes have their change moments and they maybe more or less adjust with some weeks, but I have major doubt about my pick because of the form loses I am taking with the UK pick and so need to reconsider (of) what that's worth, though I am not getting a long time at the UK-form then to adjust to it to see it through but that's how the mind works for me here, and I think I am again pulling the Italian dictionary out and making some tiny progress and getting to the feels of the Italy and Italian, though nothing picked yet but the line has been crossed and I get some heated up again and get some more emotions, some more life and expansion, and I am not progressing my UK that I also started to progress a bit and it went well for the little I put time to it. But the low energy after having adjusted/when I pick the UK, it's too low, just like when unloading a bit too much and it's not the kind of state one is happy to live at, though that's just at that moment but I am still worried enough to have made a part comeback to Italian, though I don't have time, energy or anything to it, it being just about the persona. I definitely have some more "thinking" to do about it though it doesn't rate as a solvable problem because it's about the goods vs. the goods and any time one is X-dominating, it's the pick but it won't last because it's a subtle balance and though the Italian has lost the factual things competition, it still hasn't lost its persona, that I need to consider also.
But the temporary (I doubt that from some parts) low energy state and lack of life, energy, expanded awareness, is not the answer, but I have a long way to go some more and think about the nature of Italian compared to that in the UK because it has a persona and though I didn't pick the doings of the UK nor the persona, they come up when picking the UK and I am not sure I am ready to that path and though I could do and be something else also in the UK, maybe not really because what is there without the emotions but colder persona and doings that I neither might like as so but as secondary to Italian persona. I could feel good in my emotions about the pick of Australia, maybe not, but in (the) best (of) case it could be the optimal, though it also picks that persona then. What is my problem with the need or so of the Italian persona anyway, and what's my problem of not liking some aspects of being cool and more okay at/in the UK persona with all outers technically better. It is about the weather factually, not being good enough. Can one pick against what one is feeling better about and pick something that one is not feeling better with but technically as balance on the body and as outer technical things. Not as a fit absolute, but that depends heavily on picked persona/doings. There are things in Italy and Italian that I don't like and I need to opt the Italian persona and what it gives to make that pick. Other than that, I won't for lives to come. And how is one going to feel about the harder things in Italy and the more study and all things worse but the weather maybe (might not matter) and the Italian persona. The world, likings and persona to those two personas is different. Other than the technical stuffs, it's not possible to think this through but one needs to live them through and the only way to do so is to be them; and to be them, one needs to make picks. After getting cold with the UK pick, I again picked the Italy some day later and I was feeling emotionally better but hot, that might decrease though. A better weather and the UK would be better based on this and as so Australia and even the Spanish world, if one needs or opts to move and can handle the language.
I am fastly fluctuating between the picks at this time and some facts have changed also, and though the Italian person is going to pick Italy, there possibly being nothing I can do about it, my S/situation and reason is picking the UK, though of course it's impossible any time the Italian person is there or/and has enough reason to support it in comparison to the UK. The UK has things better to me in many ways and the weather and the sea isn't the main thing to me in my situation and as an expansion there are other countries though some Australia is close to twice the size of the EU (500M people) and close to the size of the USA (300M people) , and Australia has only like 20M people, and that's looking scary (Canada is as big as the USA but has only 35M people, but it's near the USA, and near that most people there figure to be living, though one might get in (the) USA also with a Bachelor, and like in Australia or so as a skilled worker if there is a need somewhere for such, and even as non-skilled similarly, though at least there is a waiting list it seems, in the USA, and limitations per country per year it seems, but seems there is a possibility and so perhaps in Canada also, and as it seems like a reasonable rule/solution, likely stays as so also, based on need. Select educations/professions), and it isn't the most safe nature place in the world, and the sun can be bad and being able to pick the weather one likes though in theory not limited, it has some limitation in where one gets there, in case one gets or goes there. Not exactly sure how good a country the USA is, other than it is western and global (people and English only) and 300M people and all kinds of weathers and much of the best of everything, but there are some bad sides also. But I think it is ahead of the other western countries, though one does not need to move away from there (nor from many other places necessarily) in many cases.
From the Italian person point of view the UK pick lacks emotions, expansion, heat even (it cools more or less down when the body adjusts and making the temperature less there might be good or bad or mean nothing in the light of getting the R2-load to decrease, though the UK pick isn't the better pick maybe for that load but it also doesn't need to study), etc.(.) The UK has some high buildings that might not be bad, though one might get a flat (or shared) from a 200 years old house also.
Maybe noisy, maybe bad air inside, though any country has those also, but moisture is often high and old houses, and then there is ventilation in any country, that might not be clean, or there at all, and then other holes in the flat one might need to close for that and to get the noise level a bit down maybe, and then the windows might need some work, and up to noise blockers more or less everywhere inside, and heating, cooling, moisture, Aura, and one might need to be more or less used to those, or and less sensitive or and just working all the time, being more noisy and warm and more busy, but more or less closing holes, window(s) open, clothing, hearing protection, future sure good and bit cheaper air cleaners perhaps, or and just living in a more fit flat, there being only something one can do in case of the more usual problem flats, but in most cases, one might improve things enough to make it somewhat reasonable.
The Italian person sees that there is little point to go in the UK over staying in Finland, but that's just what he thinks about what's good to/for him. And balanced life of having it all more or less, can't say the place isn't Italy then, and in the long run the weather in Italy is an absolute, the UK being dark too. About the languages, I don't say one is better here, just that English lacks feel, at least in my case, and it lacks being word clear (Italy lacks being sentence/s clear, so it evens out perhaps). Italian too can sound bad to some personas, and will, English just having more letter combinations to pronounce, and it's more liberal to transformation of how one technically pronounces it, and in the absolute sense, it is cooler, more neutral, sort of easier, but I can't put it above Italian as Italian is word correctly written and English isn't, it just being global, and whatever good English has in it, gets less when it's pronounced and looked at as both probably lack clarity. A double vision. I suppose, I am not going to make a pick between those languages but call it a draw in my case. Picking between Italy and the UK in the now situation picture both as hard facts and soft facts, and then the same for in the long range look of the rest of the life and further, the hard impacts and the psychological impacts. The country is important as it has all the implications of personality in it, doings, views, attitudes, balances or not, all that as far as those places represent some things to me; to others they can represent other things, but to all when one is at some place, doing some things, using some language, one will be different in all cases, so it's important and it comes down to making a pick and I know Italy is in theory the better long range pick to me as well as to my balance and to my learnings of the whole perhaps, or at least I am living and learning something different than I already have. And I also know that if I have comparable Flattings in the UK as in Finland, this life is not going to make such a huge difference.
Italy is a real gamble because I don't really know what it psychologically is and I don't know what hard factors I am going to get there and I don't know if I am going to get there. I am just looking into that whole thing and then get to know some life what it's all about, while the UK option looks and feels more like getting back to being an NT or so, S-NT, S-SNT-nf, S-SF even, the S-INTP being a limbo persona, with a base of INTP but with more fluctuations and dimensions to it because the S makes the NT to the direction of the ST, and then nf of course (that at times is sort of dominant when not doing anything clear with the ST, and that's how the STs have that split between their ST-person and nf-person, while the NTs have no split, just the [cool and clear - NF/nf is hotter and nf-messier, that nf-background being live while the sf-background is just like the SF-nature around, solid and unmoving, live only like the nature, and that is rather cooling and one is at more peace and clarity, with the NT-top or when having things good as an SF, SF being like water, wind, rocks, trees, sky, while the nf is like people, animals and things are viewed with more or less an additional nf-aspect at everything while to the SF/sf things just are as they are, as S or SF, the STs also viewing things as S, but as ST, where you have the biker with action where the SF would enjoy the nature, though not just so,but this is] NT with an sf background), and to the SF also of course. I have work to do on recovery and nf-aspects. The fuller balance, factual needs as something else than just where one needs recovery, and somewhere where one needs improvement and maybe knowledge, understanding, those being the (main) reasons why I would pick the Italian persona, while the language issue was a draw to me, and the weather issue not a priority though an absolute, while some Australia has limitations and the balance though better to have has some limitations and the place is somewhat scary as so empty perhaps and more dangerous nature, though not that the majority of the cases wouldn't do fine there, I suppose, but it's not sure especially because it's so empty and the limitations (of getting there) hit in, but getting the best of everything, the best there is, limited or not, it might succeed and might have the UK backup, and picking something like Italy just because of some specific feeling(s), is some risky, not knowing what it's all about, not even counting in the limitations and economical and global weaknesses. Just that I don't think the economical points to me are the priority over the psychological points, at least as learning more. And global, how much is enough or too much? Italian has the good side it's so similar to English, and is also the reason why Italians are adepts at English, it coming as second nature to them (or at least they tend to understand English also even or especially when pronounced like it's written, so it's real easy to be an immigrant in Italy) and in cases it's true that they like especially the UK/English immigrants. It's also easy to get a flat rented in Italy because they only have flats and the whole city is often filled with them. In the UK, they have houses, though the competitive aspect might be less than e.g. in Finland when and if one pays the costs to the agents when renting a flat (more safely) through them (when that was still the case in Finland I just walked in to the renting company, said what I want, they contacted the one renting it and I was asked some questions, and that's how easy and fast it was though the first place agency I tried had nothing but a bored or so attitude. The competitive thing works in a way that anyone who wants to rent a place comes to watch it - or in cases contacts first the one who rents it if it's directly from him and then too all go to see the place, and it could be twenty people and then fill the paper there - if not emailed - and the best one gets it, meaning one doesn't rate to get any place rented under the competitive rules, and in the UK only if one is lucky, the first one gets it and one contacts some night after work or so the one renting it and goes to look at it and takes it, it just might in cases work as easy as that, but just in cases and there is no sure it isn't a scam. The non-competitive people will more or less live under more or less bad flats and wait up to years to get one (if they are lucky or maybe know something) and then maybe later one might get something more fit.