4-5/2012. I am again sort of picking Italy, that with the reality added means I am staying in Finland, also because the Italian persona doesn't see as much reason to go in the UK, it not having that much there. Just one factor that hit my mind put the weight on (the) Italian persona, though not directly as the hit was to a variation of the NiTe basically, the 'right side' version of it (that now is with the Italian persona - that NiTe melted into it though it's basically the UK persona but on the other side, if I guess it right here, to be the case), the UK one being in the hole and that's basically the persona plus the fish that I would be in there though one gets adjusted, used to and London is a sort of a great place, the center of the universe.
The year in Finland has just mainly started after a long darkness and coldness, that tends to make one less correlated with the hole. It seems I am taking some more time to see (to) where the winds blow, though I don't really have the time (that's why I figure to stay in Finland till I am better and know better) but I still take the wait and see and then make some move later if any, and if not any, then I will just live with (the) recovery and a variety of 'personas' (my base is still the INTP or S-INTP, but it's not the dominant one running on the surface in these cases as my likings change with them like in any ordinary x-mind case, my free part just being larger or so, but the difference is too big to keep one persona, or that one persona has more x-elastics to it depending on where it is or what it's dealing with, especially when it takes it to the heart so to say - as the dominant one - just the non-permanent nature of it is the subject of difficulty when needing to pick a box, and that needs years if not tens of years of looking and it's not only INTP being elastic to all directions as the likings change too radically to call it only that, and if the INTP is there the past, genes, permanent base, it doesn't really matter as long as there is a directions growing, it being the dominant one then and I can't think this is based on other than that), just looking and see what it's all about and if it becomes or is something or whatever, though that's not going to happen in the few more years but I get some more information.
During the change from the hole to the 'right' (from the UK to Italy) I got hotter, as I generally then do, when that change happened that day and it was partly happening at the same time as disconnecting from more actions too, that also makes the gap of being shaken in the heart, and I felt lonely strongly, that doesn't usually happen with this change but it got more power from there as the hotness shaked my heart as it's looking hopeless a part of the time, but it wasn't there in the next morning (the surface of my body was extra cold instead though I was still that hotter inside) just in the evening (darkness might add to it) and it's also past connected as I saw some distance to it too, being familiar with it and often just staying put (one could go to walk or do anything also, though not that the emptiness isn't some there also but one has something there) keeps it steady, and sitting on the floor can be good, one being better connected to the sensoric world perhaps, though might balance - keep more steady - some energy also.
An overall balance is good, the best, being better connected to clear, surface with balance and to deities rather than to the mind/head, healthy state, x-clear balance. It took months at this latest flat (mere pink) to feel sometimes significantly lonely in the heart for a moment or/and so and it's connected to the gap between action and no action (and in those cases some left hole in some way to it perhaps though not that the left hole itself rates to produce loneliness as far as I have seen, it just having an aspect of the isolation from clear surface. The left-unload more likely produces loneliness - till one gets balanced [that's like company] - because one is not in the N -that's like company- that much) though not favored to happen there but that's where it's favored to happen, and I didn't have more than the same few small ones in the red core either, the type of when entering an empty home or whatever, for the moment the heart and so is in a gap and one is shaken, lonely, without meaning (a psychological disturbance, having not that much reality or even x-reality (in)to it, though a serious subject as any deity is as they have their dharmas, needs - and the only [F-]meaning there can be comes from them [especially from the heart or so - as a chakra - it being in some/many ways a part of its intelligence or so] and so sort of has nothing to do with us or with our heads or so - but anything can also be relative to personality, and the loads need to go down, and the weaknesses like any sensitivity figure to need more than a normal amount of support and protection).
The bigger - but strongly red core balanced - emptiness was just once there in the red core, and I don't remember if it was with the left unloaded or so, but it was more of the emptiness than of being shaken (these things have many variations), like in this latest case when I was coming out of the hole and got hotter that's then also the in-between state, between 'no' left action (the left could have been unloaded or one having jumped/moved from there like I did in this case) but right having not x-unloaded yet, the 'heart' not having enough support, plus that's an area of more or less of the the STs (the NFs or Ne/Fi's might be bit more in the N(e)-hole and the Se/Ti's rather than the Si/Te's that might be so a bit less) as/when they are left unloaded or so balanced to the right though often on the left also/additionally, or instead but that is not the main line though it's there as much as anything but is another subject - the right not balancing it enough: relative to the right side (x-)load and the left side x-unload, and the moon
How much a hole that is, is relative to the E and I and Ni and Ne, and to the loads also, it being basically just a moon ocean, while in the sun world or so one is more in the earth (air too maybe) world, though as much as the left is still not x-unloaded after a jump or so, the x-left is still there, the sea is still there but one is not dominantly there, or it's half and half, that's basically good and the right should be unloading too if one does that, though time also should take care of the right,
but I don't know what's the best to do (being in-between is the safe bet though it's generally marked by me as leading nowhere but looking carefully one sees some x-things, still having some right and left doing x-unloading and not being too much on either side even if it means loading the left a part of the time or/and taking an attitude or whatever to put one some more to one direction or the other, while being much on the left, does that unload the left, trying to get to the middle? Maybe not, while being more on the right, I think it tries it, but one has no free hands to be there and when the x-left, the moon ocean is less, one is easily moving on the right actions too much as it's activating rather than passivating or without the relative amount of load or x-action on the other side), and then not being in the left hole, one might see the left x-unloading at least on the surface, and then what one does next decides what happens next.
and sun worlds are one part of this story (game) to me also. The S/sun world is a major part of the W&C while the Dhyana/Meditation (W) is a major part of the moon ocean (A/awareness), and as combined the W&C is not only as C (sun, Consciousness) and when major on the left, the W&C is in the hole also, though as a W&C.
The subject is closed again, needing more information from time. In Italy I might think my main problem is in getting work (though it's said that at least the bigger cities do not have many free flats, e.g. the students might be living at home - if they study near enough). With a relative (or absolute, these days) language ability and educations and work experience, and not too old perhaps, there is no reason to think it's any more difficult there these days though they still find the workers often in a tricky way.
Being scared, that is not really a fact, the fact being in the personas and what those places offer to those personas, the rest being temporary or reality factors and more or less could be ignored, though why I pick the UK is mainly because of the reality, not because of the dreams, and according to my dreams I am likely to pick Italy over any other place at this time, but what that dream contains as all-in-all, is not clear yet (what I see about the language is not all the same with the other persona though what I see and feel as a reality from the pictures - even the language but what's not as fitting isn't as fitting even if it's objectively the better one - is still more or less there with any persona of mine and so represents the absolute to me or to my case and it is not right to go against it, but it doesn't mean it's the pick any more than any other thing that one can't be against but has to as it's overall worse or not possible), and why am I ignoring the reality when picking Italy? With the Italian persona(,) I am like thinking the dream to be the reality and the reality a dream, and with the UK persona, I see clearly the reality and somewhat dislike what the Italian persona likes as it's not solid - and has somewhat different likings - but just a dream, like the UK being solid tap water to drink when one needs it while the Italian persona takes there something else, not the solid cool water, though it's not only a dream in Italy (also Italy has its hard realities based on facts and Xpeople, and it's not clear if one should try to get out of the facts or not, or the facts as people think they are and relative to their thinking of the facts over me but I don't necessarily have to pick their heads as they are but could ignore it if possible and up to live away of/from it if more or less possible, living in a different reality and in a different dream), but it's close, as the weather difference to the holeman is not there in the UK (vs Italy) as much as there are 8C average highs during the winter that are high by Finnish standards though not that it's 4h of sunshine like it might be in Italy's Turin even but not that it matters to the holeman as much and the language of Italian is basically useless to the holeman that gets the real and global stuffs with English that's also cooler and more simple in a way, while to the Italian persona globality is not that big a factor, the main factor being in that Italian persona itself, combined to where it lives at.
If I get some recovered enough,
The inner heat problem mainly though I am not a full believer (in)to it alone - also my 'imagination' and balance - but it's a fact that I am cooler in the hole and I don't rate to be in the hole in Italy but will rate to be in the UK and that I am not ready for Italy yet, in case it is even any good outside of the language itself(,) and the weather. Picking the UK over Finland is at least better. But I don't believe into those yet as they have some holes, e.g. what about the Italian persona? Also, it is more or less the persona that will be more on the hot side or less on the cool side if I pick the Italian persona and it would need to more or less cool itself pretty fast to be okay, and it does do that but maybe not enough, especially as it's not going to get a possility to be more brainless for years. That may not end up being the best way to be, the cost being up to too high, too fast, but not necessarily a long run pick either. Italy and Italian and the Italian persona might be the right things for me to pick if ignoring the reality but I don't think the reality in me and around can be ignored. Then the fact that the Italian persona does not see the UK to offer that much over Finland and it picking the UK would not be fit perhaps as it doesn't look like to correlate, though it would then need to be in Finland and that's a difficult decision as the UK offers more to the UK persona at least and so the weight would go there, on average, though I don't really like that pick, but I have no total pick anywhere, at least not at this time, it looking like staying in Finland till I am okay and can pick Italy, that taking 100 years or not might not be the main issue, but the persona might be and the Italian persona just might not be as much in the hole in Finland, it feeling more relaxed about waiting here the next 100 years, but the UK persona doesn't like that, but that's mainly a persona being pressured to be taken, nothing of it having grown (out) of silence and peace and of about anything much but getting things more solid, and being more ready/fit to/for it.
I might go and take like a two weeks' trip and look around, or then not as I don't expect but preparation problems (and if I am ready to go for that, I might be ready to go for good), but I just might see and feel something decisive. But need to wait and see, need preparations, and those will take time plus I might be again moving inside Finland, so I am not getting time-recovery combinations very easily for a longer time, being stuck into these wastes of time and changing world/country factors, getting information, thinking, changing personalities/likings/dominants and on the time-recovery line, things like that do not fit in very well, taking more and more time.
I was taking a look at a flat in Espoon Keskus (In Finland), at the east end of Suvela. I came there with a train and stepped out one stop before Espoon Keskus, in Tuomarila (I didn't look at the south Tuomarila, so not sure it's good but I guess it is), that had the typical thinner but not too thin clear pink that is my favorite (typical to more or less of Espoo, though not all clear yet), and the A/air was good there. I then walked towards Espoon Keskus and somewhere getting near Suvela, I felt the air getting bad in my tongue and so, knowing then that my flat (some maybe 500 meters away) would be at least under the first level of bad air, the second level was even worse the first time I visited and I think that's the case this second time too as I felt it a bit less in my opinion when I came back from the very core, but even this second time walking towards the core, still at the first level, I was thinking it's bad and how those people are living under that, those people at the schools there and so, it was bad then already. I was way early so I spent there close to two hours, walking also to the south end of Espoon Keskus as large, to the edge where the big forest starts and the air seems to have got better there though I was heavily under the bad air of the place already so it's not possible to say for sure of how much, but I would cut off the whole place till it gets better, picking only Tuomarila if the bathroom would not smell because of the drain (sewer, sewerage/system, that figures to get cleaned at some point, until it is some hole place, making it imposssible, but the place has been there a long time), that could be bad in Espoon Keskus (it was really bad in the flat I was looking at/in, and maybe it's some less if water is put in there enough every day - the one living there had already moved and in a hurry it seems as that was the impression I got as it wasn't as clean and some small things were still there, but he had still a couple of weeks time to clean. It wasn't even close the case of a difference that one could live at/in Espoon Keskus at that time).
Some places have had a dumping-ground (rubbish) and that was/is the case in Myllypuro in east Helsinki as far as I read (red) many years ago and though I have been there many times in the past, and didn't feel anything wrong with the air in Myllypuro, there were people leaving because of that and saying the ground is too toxic for them to live there (air being too toxic). Espoon Keskus is much worse than that (though some spots in Myllypuro might be as bad but I am not aware of it) and no one should live there (at this time), and this is the second time I have been there and this experience was still worse (and I was in a good shape, good balance, healthy, all good) and I started to feel sick there; the tongue tasting bad all the time and my body didn't feel good either and in one big shop I started to feel toxicated in my head pretty soon, maybe more or less because of the many toxicated heads there, maybe not just because the air was there more toxicated, and I have twice visited also a couple of other shops there too, this day and some half a year earlier. Also, my clarity of body, feeling, mind was clearly down (the added clear pink expansion - more to mere pink plus one 'sees better' - being pretty much countered, if thinking of the average clarity, because the system is feeling sick, toxicated and so also limited as less fresh) and comes more clear when one gets away from there though it lasted this time long time after though the source was not felt there anymore. That was just under two hours, so it's definitely a big toxic place (one can't say just that the air is bad but not toxic when one feels/sees it like that) and absolutely a place not to live at (though I was not having as much problems - but it was still double bad - the first a bit shorter visit, though I was some sick of the virus still the first time [and it was some half a year earlier, with a bike though I walked some too, but I could say the average clarity was not good then either though one can enjoy the clear pink there but it's at this time so denatured (and maybe some more during spring, or it's some different) that one is much better with the red core and dead white, and I could manage in the red core in a good flat, while dead white or close would be a bit tough and I would at this time pick red core instead, though I am not going to ever if I have a better option, though I don't look at the bads of the red core only, but bad is bad and I know what's much better to/for me, and on that point I like even dead white or next to it more than red core but the white is tougher for me to handle at this time] - the last time was one month ago and I expect it to come a bit back again as it has been doing the last half a year or so, though the trend is it will stay put or/and go away to minimal as time goes).
My next flat is more or less clear pink (and with good enough air). There I more or less get to see what happens to my head - though I already know the short run of what happens - if it clears any more questions. That might then also end at least half of my time in other than clear pink, more or less ending my time in Helsinki,
Where I was born and have lived. Though I was living my first maybe five years in Hanko (small place). Though just lines on (the) map (e.g. Kontula in Helsinki and even Oulunkylš to Pakila isn't exactly Helsinki, and like ten years when a kid I was spending my Helsinki summers in an island on a sea with dead white but with family and I didn't feel dead white then and wasn't bothered by it - before Nirvana though with Brahma all such would have bothered also more or less, and it was the red core where I became a heavy Seeker, maybe much because of the deep pause in my doings for some time and the red core, though I was much red core myself, though without having something lighter outside - I made an after-note of the lighter, of the lighter summer in 1992. The outer life being in that lighter as a place and some amount of wisdom. With lighter inside, at home, one just may be less motivated to go get air outside, though with the deader white one is likely motivated also, but with feeling good of not getting out of/from something, less motivation for the change) - though it happens that Vantaa and Espoo have clear pink, though I haven't looked into everything in Helsinki but what's interesting is that the Helsinki line cuts the clear pinks - that are the best for me but might make up to no difference to others - out as accurately as it does, though it's not all that clear as all the edges or so are just maybe close possibilities (and the east Helsinki after Itškeskus is more or less White, without it being the best clear pink about anywhere in Helsinki, for some reason) though need accurate looking and there are other factors to think about also, e.g. what's near around at those edges, e.g. nothing much, and if one likes that 'nothing' or not.
that's at least half so past for/to me then as far as I can help it (and it shouldn't bother me, thinking (of) what I know about it and that I am not optimally comfortable there, and I don't have all that much past with it, nor future), though it's again happening just with one more major step, my current mere pink flat being sort of near clear pink area and this next one is sort of near Helsinki. At this current mere pink I will have then lived a total of ten months though the August+ was basically clear pink, like the summer Aura in more and less of the red core is basically mere pink - in/on the core of Helsinki and there possibly being no red core anywhere else in Finland. I don't see there is any better place to live in Finland than about around Helsinki, those places being as big as the other big cities in Finland and they are nearer each other and (to) Helsinki, and for the same reason I would pick clear pink from about London, though the near sea is not so there as an option and the distance to work and hobbies need to be counted in, also considering the redness factors, that one might need to do when living around Helsinki also, but as far as that spot of living around Helsinki goes, if the flat is good, it's pretty much the best I could get when not recovered enough or getting the same in London (that's near to be the next on my list currently, though preparations will take major time and then try to get it, that will then be another path to get all well enough there too, in case one has got all well enough here already), though many times Italy is higher on my list because I am more at the right then (more resistant to emotional problems) and more with the positive heart then (and happy, with an occasional smile) and feeling good (in the heart because of the warm to the heart nature of this Italian thing, being like people from some part), while the UK pulls me to the left and takes away all that and gives something else in its place that I am especially likely to take if I play the hard realities (though I have put a question on the fact that I be too hot in Italy as I could pick even north Italy that's cold like the UK - colder as minus C average downs - and up to as dark, and then things should get more nirvanic with time and when facing the reality there, and there is plenty time for me to learn enough Italian and pass the language test in the future, if need be, and I could even push it for/during some years), that I might not as the positives also have their realities and there I like the 11C(+) average high during the winter, with like four hours if sunshine plus some more sunlight during the four winter months compared to the UK, and that weather is universally liked (by me) at any place of the world (it's a big difference from being in the hole and at 7C compared to not being in the hole and in the 11C with more sunshine that all feel so much better to the Italian person or so), and much of my positivity here is about it, some about Italian.
The simplest would be to pick Australia but one needs a specific profession and I suppose it's not sure even then that one would get there, and the question about the absolutes vs. other factors hasn't been answered, though there isn't some 10-20 years time to just try to get the answer, or enough understanding or persona to figure there to be a need for an answer there, that one should already have when one is 14 or so. Learning a couple of languages and the needed profession and one has all the options though it's a long way of schooling and in my case I might just drop out when 14, that leaves me pretty much just Italy, though it might take years to figure it all out, and then I need to study some years of Italian, especially as it's my only language then and the preparations will also take time and one needs to earn money also. I will have some Xmind ready for the possible next life and it will make the picks accordingly; I just need to figure that it will really make some specific picks and when and what informations I will have out there. I will have a more or less strong dislike for unselected study, but not anywhere sure I make it a dropout (strawout?) when 14 until I really then have it in my Xmind that strongly. I will get some outer informations there and will make picks based on the Xmind also, and then it could go through the years of language learning - though making a try earlier is possible also like when 16 and after a summer work in autumn or earlier if I get enough work when 14 or 15 (the law might think I have to be in school till the beginning of the summer 17, but I might instead sit in the evening school if allowed, or library instead, doing my selected study. I would not have that problem in Italy as one gets to professional education earlier. Many factors to think about when picking countries, including economics, that is partly about capitalism also, that is not right when it dominates the basic needs and rights, and if there is a more rational religion around, and one would not need to have minor problems with the army, that one might or might not be able to support. And the amount, need and quality of languages, and the weather) but I won't have the language ability nor preparations anywhere near enough before 16 the earliest - and preparations but I am not sure of what it will pick at that young age as it might even pick the UK because of the doings, and English is fine, while I might learn French or Spanish also, much depending of what kind of actions there are in (the) Mediterranean at that time and what informations I get of the actions as well as know about my Xactions and about the languages. If born in the no-EU, the UK could be out also, and even the whole EU, and French and Spanish do not fit to my likings though it's not easy to see when that young and much depends on what informations one gets and what actions those countries offer. There is even a possibility I pick some country somewhere else that's no good, as I won't have as much information and experience when that young, so it's of some importance of what I have in my Xmind when I die. But I don't think there is anymore nor later much of a question that I wouldn't pick a better country because of the weather or/and the actions, though if born with sex addiction, I won't have the Brahma, and if getting deeper in the N, I might not have as much S either, just the W&C and the Kundalini stuffs, and I don't rate to know about the W&C, but I will have it and see the whole Kundalini system and think it straight, neither that the people then figure to do or even have or say. Though not that the Kundalini awakening is necessarily there in the next life, it even somewhat looking like just a thing for one life. The people who have had them and so somehow have never appeared again, but I will see that then, it being a rather new thing. And the rest is about the absolutes and my doings, that might not fit together at any one place and if I pick the absolutes as I still now happen to feel them, I figure to pick Italy, if I can take the loses in actions and the missing English though Italian is not so different - and I might see it to be the case though not clear as I won't know that much English - and I need English to the normal Internet use and getting information - that doesn't need great English ability, especially if one already has good Italian. But anything can still happpen in my Xmind, something I can't predict, just make a small guess that my likings as doings will remain or end up as so as well as the absolutes and then I figure to make the pick as Italy as that's where I get the most of that whole picture and I won't mind doing some months of beaching there every summer, just needing to learn the language and make the preparations and earn some money to get there, and leave the parents and anyone I might know - that should not be that difficult really; my average happiness being the main pick. How the absolutes will hold over the doings and actions offered is not all clear now as things change in the world and what I pick as my actions and how much and what my Xmind and personality inner and outer think about Italian and English especially are not all clear either, though not that I have much of an option but the UK and Italy even in that life just that the absolutes might change somewhat - they have been somewhat holding though - and some other Mediterranean place offer better actions in case I get the best actions and the weather and could then up to easily discard Italian as it would not weigh as much as many of the better actions. I also have the reality of other people to deal with, or get used to, and how that also forms in my mind, isn't clear in the long run, that can also decide what I pick as my profession, in case I so pick something, there being still at least a couple of ways of how things might turn (out) and I might not make a pick, though I am aiming for it.
The positive things might be so important that I might not pick the UK even if I don't get or can't go in Italy, in case I just wait (with the [potential] positives) this life and go in the next life, and I see some possibility of accepting that and the wait. Moving from somewhere with the maybe relatively low salaries of poorer countries isn't necessarily as easy as it might look, though one might get some sort of a try in two to five years (where 1k is like 5k, or 10k) and one needs also time to learn a profession maybe and learn more or less of the language (likely more with some relative 20k to 50k try), and do all the research and practical things. Though not that any Enlightenment necessarily count anything towards to where and who(m) one will be born at to (more will be known when one is reborn, and when more people with the Kundalini awakened get born then too there is more possibility of getting some more information).
Any place could be smelly etc., e.g. places like Venice and Naples might be smelly - one can read such about any places, and about the garbage managements, though they are not necessarily true as a whole (e.g. Venice might be okay these days as so many have said it's okay these days, and they might not put more or less of their garbage waters in the [near] sea anymore - similarly things can improve anywhere e.g. Australia have/had problems with the sea quality and they somewhat improved it, though not that they will necessarily be able to keep the seas good, and putting the garbage inland, if that's what they (also) do [The big seas, oceans are the likely spots where the countries put more or less of their garbage in], it needs lots of time to die to be sure one can make the place green and with lakes [with salt/sea water to some lakes - sort of such have been made at the sea cities also] and build (in) there, though not too much or they might have no place to put the garbage in at [if they think some garbage should stay on land], or support it all. The problems with Venice living might be the weather, costs, travel), and all countries and cities put their garbages somewhere and why would Naples remain smelly if the garbage is collected often enough, until there is something else smelly also, though not that anyone is really thinking (of) immigrating or even moving in Naples, why would they?. Also, one might think of the possibility of e.g. higher places and lower (near the oceans, other low places, 1st floors) places, both having the possibility of being worse. The old or so garbage places are more or less further away though in much of Italy and just maybe more so on the Islands (e.g. Palermo in Sicily [they have garbage problems all over there perhaps and it's an Island] figures smelly, and their beach maybe some 10 km away doesn't figure to be so clean), the garbage management might be poor. The quality of the waste systems perhaps, their age maybe. Any place has the potentiality of being bad until one has visited there, and even then one might not see something, though I don't expect that e.g. the whole (of) Italy (though their smell genes figure different) or even a whole city smells (badly or so) (some India might as well as any poorer countries as a guess, e.g. Thailand [all Phuket - an Island more or less on the big sea side - might be smelly], Sri Lanka [the sewers are more open, plus garbage and it's an Island] and in Finland there are smelly places and that could more or less of the time be like the whole city, more or less because of some smelly factories perhaps but also the waste system might be more or less smelly at some places - and at some times like during the spring in Finland - and some other reasons might be there) etc., but it can be up to too much limiting.