10/2011. One of my hobby factors dropped to mediocre in the UK/London and so Italy became like a clear pick for the first time in two years. But then unlikely happened and I started to value the UK more, and not with any clear reason, just some worry about Italy, something I can't support with enough reason, just as a possibility of worse flattings and worse whatever I would lose compared to the UK. But then I started to value English more, again not for any reason really, just a thought it would fit better, and no reason really. And then I started to value my other hobby more, up to making it my only life really; what else I have left? Nothing really, and all ST-things fit just fine, and S-NT is just enough, it being about doings what defines me. So, I am back at the problem as soon as Italy and Italian persona will protest at some point. Any time one has made a decision for something or/and against something, that something will come with new views and change the opinion. Though, I have been able to drop all other options, Malta included, so there is no reason to think one could not make a decision finally, though the longest was six months before, this current problem has lasted about two years and it has been a hot issue much of the time. All I can again say is that I have like two personas and the other likes Italy clearly more, while the other doesn't and it sees the goods of picking the UK and has worry about Italy generally. But again, I am next day not sure anymore, after looking the Italian sea during a summer day. The UK weather was fine before that, e.g. after 2-3 months it can be 9-11C and that's not cold in any way especially when it comes to living the doings there. Also, after the sea change the Italian part of my brain argued that the other persona gets enough in Italy, and I can't disagree, there having been no proof it wouldn't be or even that I would in any way weight that persona more and so Italy is the best pick. The argument about learning Italian isn't seen by the Italian person to be as big of a deal, so it isn't as big of a point to it and it's at least not all wrong about it as I am not all ignorant about Italian. But the fact the Italian person said is true, that I haven't picked a persona yet and because of that can't pick the UK at this point and unlikely later either, though the non-Italian persona in Italy will feel it has nothing to do there, that's not really true but its place is in the UK/London and is a major factor, just that I doubt its view as I am not without as much as it thinks in Italy even if I would be that persona dominantly, but it might be right as it's about it's main and only life and all fit fine in the UK/London to it and the things the Italian persona likes in Italy are from major part empty, not there for the non-Italian persona and so it has a clear point that it has nothing to do (be) in Italy and Italian too is insignificant to it. Any time I think it's the UK, it matters nothing, and any time I think it's the Italy, it matters nothing and even the facts of the contents can make all the difference as it's about the personas and where they see their life and contents are, and they are right about them and I really can't pick either one and there is no compromise either (maybe it will integrate as S-nf) as the other feels the contents of the other's place empty (without integration). The facts are not the main issue but the personas and only the other can be the major and my mind haven't made up its mind yet, and that's the only place where the facts matter as my mind gets more educated about the differences, and if there would be some all weighting difference, like no major hobby factor in the UK, then it would be real easy, but when that is not the case, the only thing I can do is to drop the Italian persona or get the other persona accept Italy. But as long as I haven't recovered enough I can't pick anything, though that is one factor that is putting me in the UK, but I am not going to accept that as a factor, not even with bad flattings in Finland as a factor to pick the UK as much bigger things are on the line than the quality of my life and starting years difficulties in another country. But I am back on the line of getting in Italy or just picking it even if not getting there, and hoping maybe the personas will integrate in one way or the other, but closing myself to the Italian persona, it's a radical move and I don't have to do it, even if/when at some times I am so. Having all, N (SN), NT (S-NT), NF (S-nf), ST, S, and maybe up to SF at times, that's what life is. But something again happened and I am on a different type of a line, something that hasn't been the case ever, though this is partly grown out of the Italian persona, but now its content(s) is different, that I am centered differently at this moment and even if it changes, it will have its place now, and it's about being on the lines that got me here in the first place as a Seeker, but the contents of that seeking and my being being different, and at this moment I am more centered than about ever to this moment also in feelings, though that happened already with the Buddha but it was nf with the S, this current being that nf in the N(T), making it secondary that makes it comfortable as there is no need, but that nf is here and now as feelings, that's contrary to its nature though as N/n is never here, only the S/s is, but that's just how it is, likely because the nf is connected to st, that means thinking here, though it shouldn't be able to exist with the NT but I have a surface that's free of the type and can add anything. As being here, as nf, I also don't have a goal in a way, it being here, and I saw that then with the S-nf too, but this new one has a reason so too as a place is not that important to it and it doesn't have goals in a way, not that personal at least, so it kinds of just exists and will flow in that current that motivates it, the last things of still missing from my nature and knowledge, and universality, though not that I can do much anything as I need recovery and I don't figure to be able to get anything much more even in lives, but it's the current and I have partly accepted it as being my way, though it's not my personal decision, but I feel comfortable with it and I don't feel any pains about it, none of my feelings feeling anything wrong about it and the nf-here aspect added it's like a flow, especially as it's less personal, meaning additionally that I don't get sufferings because of it as it's not a (personal) goal but a state of mind, something like giving oneself to God and one is content just like Buddha/Buddhist gives oneself to the Dharma/awareness, but my case is just about the nf, thinking here - no goal when thinking is here and nf is here, there is then no going and the here is not empty as it has the nf. It's a personality, but it's coming from a (for now) decision of picking a specific way of life. I know how it's to pick some Italian sf as well as nf based persona, and it's not about being here as nf, but as SeFi or as a moving/flying NeFi or so (related to NF-aspect of the Italian persona where I am S-, the surface just having something more or less x-selected). The additional nf-aspect in me has come from the SeFi and then it got some NF in it as Italian and as S-nf as Buddha that passed from there, and as feeling have so become important to me, they have got a bigger part in my life, and as a result of that and the suppression of the N, my surface is not dominated by the NT though it's my main persona, but I have the surface that's having whatever I prefer, and the surface will change the main persona more or less as time goes. But feeling have now got that new center to them rather than being just Italian related as SN-nf or SeFi related, and as a result I am here (st) at nf, sort of, as surface, currently, but something will have changed now and will remain so as a new player has entered, there being now more players, and that new player might weight the UK more than Italy, it being a better fit to it as it's not related to Italian persona, just partly born out of it, or at least from the past seed of S-nf as Sensoric that has the nf things as needs up to very strongly and that nf being a completely different persona as a result of that, it being the nf (has a personal need of nf, S-nf as a clear Sensor-nf), it not being just a mere surface (that with my new player doesn't even look like to be personal though it has some personal aims like the remaining ignorance but still even it feels less personal as it's sort of just a possibility to achieve and I won't stress about it as I am at peace in sf-here-nf-contents, that's being content in that way even only because of that personality combination and I have universal non-personal aspects in it too that are not really personal but universal and it doesn't seem to produce stress, goal, it being like grass and even that not being that important as it's already sort of here like sort of achieved like being on the sure way and not being in a hurry or it having started already, that being as good as being there, like being in some picked country and it having so started, one being at home and so that's the whole grass of it), one being the feelings, heart, rather than just having feeling and a heart, like I now have, that I though like and need as my situation is too bad for the nf otherwise, and I am at control, the feelings not producing me major problems under reasonable outer solidity then. Bit by bit, things might get integrated along these lines, one becoming the product of what one has, what fits, what's possible, and so it's sort of automatic seeking of one's place and persona (after any kind of a new birth or new start).
11/2011. The outer paradise is about the silent flat, then about clear pink, and then about other flatting factors like good vibrations & fresh air (e.g. the window and the flats material). The subtle silence in the x-mind (including the 'unconscious' - x-mind, memory and deities) exists when the outer silence is there to enough amount (including the long run as the short run is no recovery and the noise is there then even when it temporarily isn't there just like when one is emotionally not in silence by anything in life though it's not exactly there at that moment as a fact but as a close thing). When one so has the deep mind silent, one opens up to the whole new life, that needs that silence for the subtle to happen as one can't be subtle when the outer factors would make one unstable if one would be subtle; the outer factors make one softer or harder etc.. All this is related to one's persona, future also, as well as to the outer paradise and hell factors are there, and the more one has the inner paradise the more potential one has to get the most of it when the outer factors give it a possibility to exist. If one doesn't think it's realistic enough to expect enough outer paradise, then one can't pick one's potential either but must pick a persona that fits under the outer factors. I know that Italy as the weather and place and Italian as the language fit the best under the outer paradise as it seems I pick it any time I have some of the outer paradise, though having clear pink might make a difference, if it's comfotable enough then and one sees one is fine in the UK too then, up to more so as it has other goods too than the state of being so to say (the better one is as health and outer things the higher the tolerance level is about discomforts). But it's not realistic for me to expect I could have outer paradise (a silent flat and clear pink from most part) plus the world as I know it is not exactly on that line either and I might not be all comfortable about it though in paradise I don't see one is necessarily bothered about the world, the happiness factor there being that strong. I might think I could get some sort of a clear pink (there are many kinds of and it would be nice to be more specific also but that's asking for too much for the start) some year, but I can't count I would get that and silence so that I would have a paradise and so a related deep x-mind also with all the subtle factors I am can then have. The world just is not something that correlates with paradise and even if one gets such, it will be a sort of an isolation, while one still needs to be in the world as a whole in many ways as the world is not a paradise. I am pretty close of giving up of the subtle persona, it not being realistic and fitting enough, and to improve my flatting situation, after I have got reasonably recovered enough (might not happen in time and I don't have ideal flattings to make it any easier to achieve even if it in theory just might be possible), then if my flattings in Finland are still bad enough, I don't figure to stay here, and as the subtle might not be an option, I have just the UK to pick, and from the weather point of view they have 11C average highs like nine months per year and compared to Genoa, London misses just the two or three months of like 27C where one takes 8C with no sunshine in London but still has like four months vs. six(+) months of like 18C or higher or something like that, so even if one likes 18C and higher (16C is fine when it starts but not necessarily later when it might not be enough), it's not such a major factor. The silence factors in Mediterranean generally isn't great, though under the London (old) flats it's not something to be expected either but they have not been built to be summer flats (with no extra protection material inside the buildings as well as the walls just might be thinner in Mediterranean). Then counting out more or less of the subtle factors - until one is more optimistic or knows better - then one has less to enjoy (and maybe more to suffer) at the more subtle place and then the already known language (English) as well as its possible (more) globality plus economics and hobby and other better factors become more important. I know I have my Italy and Italian persona and it jumps up any time I get Italian awakened in me or the weather in Mediterranean vs. the UK, so that persona is there and it's optimistic enough to risk Italy and even if it's failing at flattings it still has the weather and Italian, but that persona is not necessarily in me dominating even when I have recovered until I have the paradise flattings. But all this is still a game as my priority is to recover and as a side issue try to imporve my flattings factors in Finland and then if I get recovered enough and my flattings in Finland are still not good enough, I will go for sure, and if I don't get recovered enough and get or won't get good enough flattings in Finland, I have some secondary options to enjoy Italy and Italian and related persona living in Finland, though that is dependent of how much subtle I will have, and then there is the world that does not correlate with the paradise even if I would more or less get it, and so the general situation would still remain the same no matter where I am until I get paradise and get to enjoy it enough, then Italy might be the most fitting but under the knowledge I have, I don't figure I should count on it and likely shouldn't risk it until the Italian persona takes the mains of me in case it makes its own picks (no matter where it lives [in/at]) but I haven't got any persona yet, though I might have the Italian persona but I can't be in it under the flattings (and other factors) on this planet, so it doesn't look like that persona is going to dominate but I will have to pick some other persona more fitting under the outer hells I will be more or less living under for many lives to come perhaps, though my possibilites in the future lives are much better for me to pick flattings (and work, hobbies) that make it possible for me to pick the subtle, and if that is so, as it looks like though it needs some knowledge or experience to know where the paradise is as it's not given on/in this world, but if I count on the likely possibility of being able to pick at least a silent flat, then I could pick my persona more or less differently, and as that is so, then I need to take that into calculations in this life already, though I will be gone from Finland if I get the possibility and the flattings here still suck, but it's not clear if I should then go in the UK or Italy based on my possibilities in the next life/lives. The fact that I am put deeper in myself and under a more protective persona under my current flattings is not enough reason in itself for me to pick a persona that fits under the non-paradise flattings, just that it's the persona I have to be to be able to handle the situation. The fact that I might not be able to improve the situation much any and me needing to stay such a persona is not necessarily enough for me to pick a place accordingly, not that much life left in this life anyway, and even when I might be most likely reborn in India as there is a likely lack of my kind of people elsewhere, and not that I have to stay in India then but can move (likely not in the UK as I won't get there directly and I have other options and then only the language factor would be a factor - and I likely won't know Italian - in favor of the UK but then there are some other English language countries also plus my Indian body might handle heat better), and the whole picture then too is to aim to where I best fit in then and make my flattings good enough to make it possible to be subtle enough. Though I will have to think that I still might have up to 40 years to go and whatever improves my situation in this life is also a factor, not just what the picture is after this life, there being enough time to suffer in this life to make it a serious factor in itself, plus I will have to relate it to the global situation too, not just to my isolation possibilities.
I picked a combination of Finland and Italy where I will try to get in Italy if I get recovered enough in time, and will stay in Finland if I don't. In Finland I will sooner or later get a silent or/and clear pink place and so have a better possibility to survive. In Italy I will have possible problems with non-silent flats (one needs to use more or less and smaller or bigger amount of e.g. mere silicone material on/in [not over the tight inner spot but maybe like up to half way is possible and so one might not necessarily need to use more than just a size of a pea to reduce some noise, with or without additional teddy bears] the ears that helps more or less and breaks the ears less [though air pressure might be (of) some problem when one keeps sticking them in so one might think about how one puts them in, if one puts them in too though even when not so - it still can go in somewhat - it can still give some air pressure pain when sticking them in when used often, and the silicone inside also might break the skin of the ears some but not necessarily so much that one will have pains, silicone being rather okay for the skin and it's okay elastic] so they can be used more often, in theory all the time, though all that is not living silence but gives a better possibility of survival) and with the colder flats during the winter half, and the economics will be worse. But learning Italian isn't a major problem as I have it some way already and if I get recovered enough I can invest five years to it to get the nationality that then makes sure I will be there on my pension and any further major language problems will not be there any further and I get to somewhat enjoy it too, the language, that's more clear and more beautiful than the more messy and less clear English, and the clarity is also helped by the more sunshine (and more temperature) in Italy. My main reason for picking Italy was that I will not be in major NT nor in major NF, but like S-INTP that's as much on the zen-like clarity (and beauty) of simply existing, that also then makes minor difference what one does for living as long as the clarity remains, though that zen-type is my type as I have emotional harmony and sensitivity included in it, it not being empty, it being the next to all-important emotional aspect to life, and it's not necessarily emotional but can be minor but constant, something closer to S-nf rather than NF, though not that one can't enjoy some more of the NF too, but it will go to load and losing clarity at some point if lived as dominant, that then makes also a difference to picking a wife when one is an SN and lives so, but that is anyone's own pick then based on what type of a life he is living and then find something that fits to it, and an NF-wife is a possibility, like INFJ in my case (fitting to an INTP in my opinion in my case even as so though I have a free pick and it's partly an X-mind pick for me - N, F, NF, Se [if I would prefer the Si, being here with the seeing/awareness, then I would prefer INFP but that has generally not been my thing, other than when I am here as Si with seeing/awareness, in my own box, but that has never been my case but temporarily, while not picking an S dominant - in my case ISTJ or ESTP again based on my X-mind - means I am picking that much N, NF, for my personal life that an NF fits better than an ST - that has the nf, as T-dominant though, though not that I am not a part of the time there and elsewhere but it's about the major] - and that is the main thing in my theory and any time that X-thing is different, so is the pick) but one needs to study what is the most fitting and inner persona and how much the other lives in those loading things is important, while if one picks more S, then such is fitting from the other too, but for my emotional and N part, not sure if an S would be fit, but I don't need to know now as it will be an issue for my next life, but theoretically or so one needs to figure it out, and the main thing is what one does, is being, as the x-mind, and that too will show that what fits to it is not necessarily what one is as the Xmind but what one is as the X-mind (between Xmind and the x-mind), does, is, for sure and continues, and in that light one can see better what fits to it and what doesn't, both as outer, inner, x-loads, doings. Spiritual things that for much part will be issues in my next life too will be silence and clear pink (in case I get the Brahma Awareness again), emotional part of life, clarity, no major N, subtle, and I will likely know the Kundalini and the whole system from major parts, and unloading, x-clarity, understanding of most personality aspects (outer and inner), but I won't know of the Buddha (SN) nor about the W&C as I will have those, and will not go for major mindfulness as a view and knowledge as I will have a more practical clarity and happiness view in to things more like zen and harmony without a weight in details, though I will know and see things there and about ethics too (that from the being point is more like a feeling, natural, not a structure really, but it won't hurt to know that too but my main focus will be at least semi-lack of intellectuality, though not that it's easy to be blind when one sees as W&C, is x-clear, in harmony, has SN and knows the Kundalini and the system, the emotions and some other stuff possibly, and I will get the psychological, ethical and some knowledge of religion and philosophy maybe, and so I rate to be an SN rather than an S(n) as it's not easy or natural to escape of knowing when one has and is what I have and have picked to be). But the main focus in my story is to be focused on x-clarity (with an nf-emotional part sort of like in the body or so, so having F, T, S, N, and I can't improve my life from that, it being as good as it gets, without picking anything specifically though the base is an S-INTP but the surface is keeping a doings and attitude balance of at least the base functions).
I picked a combination of Finland and the UK, where both are possibilities but the UK favored over Italy. Getting work in the UK might be somewhat a better possibility (it might even seem like one needs the tax number and up to residency to get any help from employment offices in Italy, though not that that necessarily isn't the case everywhere though in Finland there figures to be one spot for such people while getting to seek for three months might be allowed somehow but nothing is clear about these), more so some better work. The economics and silence factors (and windows just perhaps) have a better possibility in the UK. The language factor has some female-like factors in Italian while English is good enough and global and it being too big a language group is not really a problem, and I figure need to learn English anyway and more or less would be forced to in school anyway, and all the information and possibilities I get with that language and in the UK (in my case) and the expansion of any English language country or so as well as travel, is much superior to Italian. The new nf-element in my body so to say takes away some S, that is like beaching and so, that's S as it connects to nature more clearly, plus my persona has a significant st aspect too and it's better in the UK. Italy has additionally made it shaky everywhere; they just like to make it all difficult. And as I am not an ESFP and not necessarily as major in Italian persona, and I can have enough emotions anywhere, even with Italian liking a part of the time, that has its clarity and beauty, being delights that English for me doesn't have, but it's not enough (of a) reason to pick Italy over all the other factors (and I am not limited to the UK in my next life nor on my holidays and could even move in Italy from an English language country in my next life and lose up to nothing as I have the English then), and if it's not as major and the S-nature factor is not there enough, then Italy has went down, plus the general language factor and the new personality part factors putting English and the UK up, the pick so changed from Fi/It to Fi/UK, and I am not that much worried if I stay in Finland if I get silence and clear pink, but as long as I don't and get healed enough, there is no question of anything but making a move to try to get in the UK, where in my case getting some sort of a flat or so for residence needs (that then gets one to like full employment help for like sure), just one of the factors again easier than in Italy, that really really wants to be a pain in the system at every possible spot, though not that it would by itself - even (as) all difficulties counted together - be a reason for not to pick Italy if one has the related personality and maybe the more clear S-connections as the weather and the sea (possibly not all that close either, e.g. from Genoa's Levante - thinking about the beaches and clear pink and nature as combined though not that I have all the fact but [maybe not early] Levante looked like a possibility on the map [though might be white as it's a possible infinite emptiness on the mountains above and one might need to live more central where one might not like to live and at other good cities the options might be similar or less, but it would all need to be tracked to know] - part it would be some 10 km at least to a rather mediocre beach at the best, though the train is fast though not free and there are other beaches further and later one might move), in case one would get the delights of Italian and the weather, sea, nature to better amounts and difficulties might be overcome more or less one at the time bit by bit as years pass, Italy not being that horrible that there wouldn't be at least a possibility for it. So, though I now seem to value the material factors so to say more, it's related to the new persona part (that's the one that makes these decisions at these close cases, not the other facts, them just getting more weight as the personality factors change) and to my increased weight (on) English (and so down points to the bit female-like (fi?) nature of Italian, from the point of some personas that there necessarily isn't in my now persona but it's there somewhere as a factor [also, Italians tend to pronouce Italian more female like, like many British pronounce English something to that direction as well as in a specific way but still all do not even in the UK, and so it's not that Italian, English etc. needs to be pronounced the way up to most do, and in cases extremely do in cases it sounds absolutely horrible, just that one might need to get used to so many people pronouncing their mother tongue in a way that's not in line with how one might like it, as well as the mother tongue speakers might pronounce their language less clearly and one might not enjoy that either], though not that English is good, it objectively being worse as it has less beauty and is less clear, just having the vowel dropped, that seems good but that's all, though it makes it more simple, more smooth and half the words are pronounced something like written, or it makes sense; the other half needs improvements and the too many ö's does not look good. In Practise English has a bigger world even in London that so has all that information and much of the goods also are in the UK/London and it isn't as primitive as much of Italy seems to be. If it wasn't about personality, and English would get some more improvements - bit by bit in the future perhaps - then English objectively looking seems to be the better language, though as the Absolute, I am not sure about that, e.g. one can look English written as it's pronounced, as well as one can feel it and compare it to where Italian can reach on the feelings scale and compare it to English in good and bad. I think English though more smooth, has an unclarity aspect in it that makes it somewhat bad, so what it wins being more smooth, it loses in being less clear, though not that all English is like that, and generally I think English is like from half part worse, and personally I don't like that, and any time I feel cold or am more at S(f), I don't like the weather in the UK, though not that that is the only English language country but it might be. It's not all a personality question because of those factors but a personality limits things to some area where goods and bads are limited and then seeing it in the light of the whole picture of all the other factors one will have likings about the country. To/for me it's a difficult question, especially as S(f) and up to Absolute enters to question my decisions and especially against the possible Absolute I find it hard to go against, though there are other Absolute factors that question the opposite decision and I find it questionable to go against that though my Italy pick is not counting out anything but makes it harder in this and the next lives - in case I am born there or move like there - and my personality too is still unclear and will keep taking different forms, so my UK over Italy is not clear yet and likely will not be for years if ever - if it will be then I could make decisions based on my personality [that's built by facts and needs - as far as one sees them or decides - from much part]. I know what's likely smart to do, but emotions have a different opinion and I don't often know how much they should be given weight - how much they will have an impact in one's life in the whole picture, and how accurately one understands the facts in case the emotions change based on understanding though they know/feel some things better than the thinking mind). At this time I calculate the weather and the Italian factors (no matter what the Italian persona thinks about it as it's not dominating most of the time) to be not as important as all the other factors together. What I will do in my next life is another thing but in this one there is not enough bases for me to pick Italy and Italian, but instead I pick a just perhaps a bit better possibility of silence and clear pink and without extra studies and lacks (though the UK lacks on weather and language but I am pretty sure the Absolute is not in them as the priority but in me plus the other factors, and it's not that the 24C+ with sunshine isn't too hot but for holidays though being better than the 8C with no sunshine, while one can have holidays in the UK too and one is not all dead to e.g. Italian either and one might find the emotions more from oneself than from a place connected language where one might not even use it much but live an up to isolated life in some e.g. Genoa/Levante and have a swim up to daily during a couple of summer months, and enjoy more sunshine and higher temperatures, though not that the UK isn't about the same during all but three winter months that one has instead of the hot though not too hot summer months with sunshine that are not all that good when working. Getting more action in London, possibly less Flattings problems and no study necessarily, no heat problems or even cold problems that actually might be there in Italy more likely. Isolated, lacking action, alone, lonely, Flattings whatever, study need, cold and hot even. Killing the related Italian persona isn't nice, but it's not necessarily the thing itself that comes from inside, though it's about the weather and language, but then there are other factors, and if the Italian persona has another opinion, it will need to show so, dominantly, and has it done so, I don't know as I don't have the Flattings for it to know). So, as soon as I get recovered enough and have bad flattings in Finland, I am going in the UK, or at least try as things do not necessarily work as they should - to get the A one might need to have the B first. The smooth factor of English is its major (plus the globality) and when one reads Italian and English, one can see the point, and that's where English wins (plus it's global), though it's not that Italian reads just badly as one needs to develop/change there a bit and maybe it fits some personalities better than to others, like to Fi, and English too needs work, attitude/personality to make it sound better/more correct when pronounced and still it will have some unclarity and lack of life aspects and then comparing that to the bad of Italian when it's less smooth, it not at this point being clear if one or the other is the worse one, though English might fit to any type of persona on average better than Italian though I don't know even about that other than it seems pretty clearly that both prefer some type of personas for them to fit as they sound and are pronounced, though not that Italian liking necessarily comes at all of how easy or hard it's to pronounce it, but it being more in what it stimulates in our awareness, consciousness, chakras, deities, personas as well as if one changes things at those or lets them to be changed, the whole picture lights and expands and then one will have the delight of e.g. the language, while English too has its nature, it's just not about expansion [Se, EP] and that same type of emotional etc. delights, the taste and nature being different, and about English as its nature to me, I like its smooth nature and its neutral nature has its good side as its less limiting and being wired to it and to the smoothness, one can feel it soft-comfortable and the neutral factor can be experienced as nice too rather than just dull, lacking taste from that part. Getting both languages to fit, might be possible but as Italian has expansion and lights, that English doesn't need, it doesn't look like both are going to fit, just that one might do Italian with the same neutral taste and type of awareness as one does English, so lacking more or less dislike but not getting the maximum delight if any delight it can offer with the fitting personas (it's the same thing with anything; with any personas about anything, e.g. about any doings, any deities, any functions, any priorities. The delights etc. being there depending of the outer persona mainly but also of the exact doing and deities, that though also connect more or less to outer personas. One also gets more or less things like fitting energy, functions, ability, likings with those outer personality x-changes; plus all kinds of x-mind things). One can also see some small bugs and feels one might not like with both of them, and the feels change too somewhat with the personality, but other than having an Italian personality - that gets more life from Italian - and if fits together with the weather and the sea, it's pretty hard to turn down (e.g. I have like never seen a 'sunny' picture from the UK, and it doesn't figure to be just my imagination, though things happen in me and they are not that reliable [I also wonder how much the collective mind has a part in this. Also, I see the weather facts - might not be correct - might say that the weather might be much of the time the same as e.g. in Italy], and I know the delights what Italian and Italy has offered to me and English never has, nor the UK as a major though with a new mind the negatives might decrease and the positives being. The current situation of mine has seen some serious changes as personality though more or less of that is connected to bad Flattings that makes me less subtle, different and more or less blind/one sided to the case). But my major persona (under current unload, Flattings, moment) can say Italian and Italy is not my major (though I am blind and it might be, though it originates form my EP, ESFP mind that's has decreased of being as much of a factor as being forced to use the T more and having trouble times, and without that the major reason for picking Italy for me is in the Sf, that means the S with significant amount of f orientation, both with s and n, the n being a specific type of EP, different form my other nf that I might have more in the body and partly I have. And if that Sf will take over, that it sort of can't under my current case, though it might, then it would pick Italy and Italian, no question about that as it has a different idea or feel, reality perhaps, of the UK/English and it doesn't fit in the picture, and I sort of do need that persona for recovery and happy living, it solving all philosophical problems by dissolving them, being at least from that part care free in life and happy, life being living and there is nothing else, so no related worry, though scientifically there are problems and even those are no worry to it so I can't say it's right but just Sf, but at least it's care free and happy and recovers and deals with a variety of feelings, basically as base all happy ones), but just a serious part. If I get over the language factor, and the weather factor for this life, then I can pick the UK, that has expansion possibilities that I might know then how to use depending (of) where I am reborn at, e.g. if in India it's no point to die in Canada (a major possibility to be born there/USA then - that has the 300M and English, something e.g. the EU doesn't offer but as 60M under 8C non-sunny up to 23C weather. Mexico figures to be too risky a possibility, to die there), to go there at some point and get the nationality, while live (and die if one was reborn like as me in India) in e.g. Australia if getting a profession in need so one gets there. I have decided for not not to pick Italy with Sf or any, though I might pick the Sf in the UK, but there is also the aspect of the nf (not all different from Sf but the related nf there is different) that I have some work to do with though much of it is a by-product of my not that good situation for it - that I can handle no problems if not in the white area. INFJ might like Italy as it's possibly fitting and there is one INFJ actor living even in Australia that would move in Italy if she could - I am not going to as I put my bet on English language higher well being countries and have sort of so far given up the persona that picks Italy though neither one is sooner or later counted out. But if the related persona is out, then its related likings too might be out, and I will pick other than INFJ, e.g. some ENFJ would be more fitting (English at least in my case seem to get connected there), just that it's an Extrovert and the same functions that though more or less might mean nothing, while INFP at this time feels a bit flat or so to this pick or/and combined to my current nature, though these are also emotions related to my memory, and the base nature of mine is fitting with an Introvert only and that figures to be an INFJ, just not seeing how it fits into the English environment. Everything is important if things need to fit, even if it's about the Xmind only - that's together with the X-mind (the Current x-main line) that seems to have more or less a dominance over the Xmind (the core persona, the Past). From the persona point picking something like Australia might make one more Te/Fe with the related flows in the body and brain, though another things happen with N vs. S and T vs. F and they are also in these decisions (as are what wife fits from the X-mind and flows point of view and the X-mind might not fit with the possibly wanted opposite flows - or flows/weights that won't give one more feels of loads - as the same flows might feel making one more heavy there and that's also a possible uncomfort or so - like alian factor - factors). I am not sure what persona I am going to be but I have some nf-aspect now in and I am pretty close of being just S-INTP as I am not making it Sf at this point as I sort of decided against it though it has the maximum happiness, but I think it covers/hides things I just might better deal with for some time. Maybe I just be sort of me and get my life from clear pink and a possible more or less silent flat, that looks like good enough to/for me in a good country, whether that be Finland or the UK for the start. In London, as I don't go now go there for the doings as the main - and even those have changed to more or less amount - but just to live and die, I might pick a flat from the west London, at some point, though much depends of the work too of where it is at, and finally I might be spending the lasts of my life in some old peoples' place, in case it might not matter all that much where I live (or even die as I am not too positive that I would be reborn anywhere but in India, but I can hope) but I have an idea that I might feel more comfortable on the direction or so at the west, maybe the flats could be somewhat better, just maybe (the flats in London from most part seem to be old and might be horrible), and just maybe it could be somewhere along the lines of Leppävaara in Espoo, that's a good enough kind of a place for me, though not necessarily the best as clear pink and there is no near sea either, in Leppävaara, but it's a comfortable solution and rates more or less clear pink all year, while in London I guess it would be at zone 3 earliest and even zone 5 might still be clear pink, considering that there is still the zone 6 (and more).
Moving away from Finland in my case isn't all that important if the Flattings are okay as it's not clear in this life where I will be born in my next life; then I know more. But if things turn out fitting enough I will try to get in the UK, it then being no lose at least, and I will be there just the end of this life and some amount of the next when I can then pick to go in Australia (and I can pick to go there from anywhere, like from India if born there) or stay or go in the UK and in Canada, all needing a profession in need, that I might decide to get an education to and maybe it has a good salary too but without major loads to the brain, that's all in all a good combination, though if one can't unload then and would like to one might prefer to pick as simple a work as one can, and then one has also options like Italy, though there can still be problems as well as one needs to learn the language, but with a simple work, unloading, living a happy unloading life, looks good too, but if not needing to unload and one has some potential for something more, then one might do even better as so. Having unloaded, having good Flattings, good enough or better economics, those are important things, base things and they more or less take a priority over some other factors like aesthetics, that's similar to love, that's blind. The base things here and now, all things are there but there are some that one might think are more important, though it also depends of the outer and inner persona and they can or will make one blind to the other factors, but as long as that is not one's persona and one starts thinking about the whole of it, then one might see the things the way I see them here, and that is my primary pick and the other factors then get what's left over, just that any time they take the main focus in the x-mind, one might not feel comfortable with the primary pick. But my current view is in an opinion that English is actually better as it's more smooth and not all badly written, it having its logic and figures to improve in the future, and it's global and one more or less will study it anyway. And the weather, in my case it's not all that much worse in the UK than it's in Italy though there are ways to see it much worse too, e.g. three months of 8C and no sunshine plus the additional missing three months of peak summer, making the summer part and the summer that much less, that's huge drop, and that's together with the three months of 8C with no sunshine, so it looks pretty bad. But if that is a problem, personally I am not then going to stay in the UK but the remaining life and some of the next and then move in Australia (that can have even a better weather in cases - with English and maybe better Flattings and economics though the infinite emptiness must be plenty near there on the edges of those cities [going to east side of Helsinki, at no point it's really a clear pink, that being the case when going up to north or to the west] - though as an immigrant it might be more often than not more or less tropical as that's where they have the most need perhaps, while the seas are not necessarily as clean as one might want but at least it's better for surfing than Italy [it's not impossible there but everything is difficult in Italy] though one can do it anywhere at the bigger seas especially so the EU is possible too for that, though not that I am going to do major surfing [also somewhat dangerous (to others too and there can be lots of people - plus one has some other factors to think about - and so the reality puts some difficulties on many hobbies) but life isn't necessarily as important as living, though being like love blind is again a thing to think about, there being options] but it's an extra possibility and not that it makes much sense but one needs to feel it to understand it, it being similar to many other things, it being about the element, the way of any type of lives, rather than the doing itself) and possible sooner or later in Canada, in some cases directly if I don't mind about the weather that much for that life. Though I might also go for more unload focused life and stay in the UK (or in e.g. Russia) if that's what it takes but I have plenty time to unload anywhere then and will likely pick at least a resonable place for it.
I now picked a combination of Finland and Italy, for the reason of a mere feeling entering in me after some 12 hours of silence and taking the usual look into the Italian nature as feelings, or a feel. That's common to me already that when I have the silence, that's what I will pick. From the opposite decision I though have got things progressed some more, e.g. INFJ might be the Italian option, though it's not sure I will pick an INFJ and that too saw some progress, having more options open. Loneliness and Flatting factors (better silence and warmer flats might be partly the same thing) can be improved more or less perhaps by picking some even London like weather (with just maybe more sunshine during the winter, and some more sunlight) from north Italy if that's what one needs to do, and to die in some Turin or near Milan is also the most central, though not much beaching and the summers just might be a bit hot too though not necessarily too much and in case one can handle more heat, and gets silence and Auric levels one can pick much any part from Italy the latest next life, though not that I am counting of being reborn but in India, but I can hope. After I made the pick for Italian - after the hours of silence - the noise pretty immediately came back and started making me again blind but this time I saw there is not only no difference if I live in Italy instead of in the UK but also no difference if there is noise or not or if I am blind or not as Italy is my best pick according to silence it seems, and it really doesn't matter noise or no noise, might as well live in Italy and whatever silence I get there, I get the best of it any time that happens, though even in Finland with silence and clear pink I would have it great, and I might be risking too much on the Flattings (silence especially) by picking Italy over the UK (and Finland if my Flattings have improved), but at this point I am willing to take the risk and it's possible to spend more time outside in Italy (maybe not in most of the north Italy), and it's not that I have a whole lifetime ahead in Italy. But Italy doesn't make it good easily and one is taking the worst of it by even trying. That is the message the noise is saying to me, to make the comfort etc., the bases, the priority. But other than that I am more confident I am right or so about Italy vs. the UK every new time the silence has spoken, though it's true only then and I am taking a risk, though I could move in my next life - that's anyway likely to start in India though I might move in Italy as soon as I turn 16 or so - if that seems to be the only way and so I am not risking the whole world, just needing to master another language and leave everything behind and start hunting a silent flat. And not that the noise or the silence is right or wrong, them both figuring to be right and wrong, seeing things from their own perspectives. When ever I get the Italian feel, I also see it being useless to pick the UK, though I might worry some factors about Italy, but many factors I have find out to be bad, I have more or less overcome, and still picking Italy in spite of the deal having got limited to whatever it is. And though I don't expect to get recovered enough to move anywhere, I have made a pick on persona, place, language and related factors, and it might be even more important, though time shows. The only thing I am really losing with the pick of Italy is the possible English as the mother tongue. I have options open by not picking a country for the next life where I need to have some special profession, and I can also more fully focus on recovery and to the selected persona factors and if I am to spend one more life as recovery, it does not need to be in the UK but Italy might fit better to that purpose, though the flats might be more noisy even during those times, while in Helsinki (or more like Espoo and Vantaa) the flats might be better as any flat made 2000+ might be more silent though as the building deals are given to the one making it the cheapest, I don't know. Some time in the future in this life I hope I will be living in a silent and (or) clear pink flat, and I have already seen how enormous difference is makes as it's most comfortable to live under such, especially under silence, it being awesome, like a meditative state of perfect silence and peace and everything good inside (and outside), having just one's own problems if any, and if one is okay as the mind, emotions, and keeps it mainly so, it's really nice. The flatting noises of others produce most constant pain in the head, and it's not nice, the mind/brain just working to maintain it and maybe improve the tolerance to it, but there is no end to it being a problem.