index
Brahma_Yoga_F-Meaning_Part_12

7/2011. I will now be moving to another flat, so my red core living in the city center so ends to 12 months (plus one month) though I am not moving further at this time than to the west edge of Helsinki, a couple of kilometers from Leppävaara (in Espoo) to a place similar to Oulunkylä/Patola as a place and distance - such places being perhaps on (the) top of my list in Helsinki, though my overall top is Vantaa (though more or less sleepy but it has its impressive things as it's so thick and at many places clear, and I haven't tracked the more center and north-east side of Vantaa) and Espoo as they have better clear pink (some places in Helsinki more or less have but it's more tricky)

But more or less all clear pink areas can rate higher than other areas and inside them too there are type of clear pinks one might not want compared to other clear pinks, just that to cover as much space in getting a clear pink flat, there are all the options plus the near Vantaa parts that I didn't track,

There is e.g. Tikkurila that figures to be the business center of Vantaa - and possibly more or less redder/pinkier though it's rather close the east edge - one might guess something of a possibility like that in Espoon Keskus (that's over my general safe line; too much on the left - and up just perhaps - but might have more people and action, and the train goes there) also and it just might be tricky if its more strongly mixed with redness and white (and some more loaded brains perhaps). And far away to the west there is e.g. Tammisto and near, that all figure to be clear pink, just the question is of what kind of clear pink it is, e.g. the more sleepy type, and how thick and clear, and what the other feels are there. And going above still there might be less sleepy clear pink as it gets less thick, while my too wild guess, partly based on a couple of pictures - they have just perhaps been taken some time after rain it looked/felt like - is that the clear pink might get too thin at Koivukylä level but on the other hand it's possible it might be nice there overall and great for some, but to keep it simple one would have Tammisto and near and then near enough Tikkurila - that from the likely action point is an added plus compared to Tammisto and near, I guess, but getting something really impressive is a big thing too, though not that one possibly more or less won't be getting adjusted to it.

that must be more or less clear pink and in theory they have some nature of the north-west Vantaa, that I tracked, especially the closer west and south they are but just above north Helsinki it might be a bit different, maybe, and a high possibility that one gets still better clear pink there than in north Helsinki, that's just below it.

and the flat costs in cases are less,

Maybe not in my new company as they take as much rent as they can get away with and they keep the temperature as low as they can get away with - I think they save like 5% of heating costs every 1C they drop. The other big company here does the latter too or just maybe 1C more, but their rents are lower, but they also are more popular it seems as it seems harder to get flats from there. The higher educated extra hot constantly working STs have verified the temperature to be good and in cases even one or two Cs higher than they prefer. To me anything below 22C is cold, my limit being the 22C, working or not working; I would need to walk some time outside under their temperature before it would be okay, and then only because my body gets hotter. 23C inside to me might be perfect, the 22C being scary close to cold but my body barely holds [= comfortable], but not at 21C anymore, it getting hypothermic. 24C is fully comfortable too for/to me, just that it might be a bit too much. Over 28C is way too much, just like it's outside, though by not moving plus the cooler one survives inside, though the house might stay hotter much longer than the outside, so the evenings outside might be reasonably nice and there is often some wind. Not sure if there is a relativity to one's feel of what is comfortable but to me 21C inside results to cold floors - one can't manage even with socks as it's up to horribly cold but needs more when walking on that floor even when its wood perhaps - and cold feel on the air, a cold nose, it penetrating the body, and the bathrooms of such flats will have a floor heater - that the customer pays with his electricity bill; I haven't had a bathroom floor heater at any flat I have ever lived in and it never was that cold inside and the floor so does not feel cold, and the other floors act more or less just the same - being cold at 21C and below - and they don't have an extra heater, so one needs to use double socks or more, and the 21C and below gets all the way to the body through the air, and only if one has an extra heater in the body, will it not be cold, though one has such but like in my case it's not enough and generally doesn't look like to be enough. I wonder how much it would cost if some people would use a C or a few more. It might not look much to me but it's used in so many other countries too even generally. But as we seem to be in the minority, under these companies, and they have a different opinion, it's how they are going to keep it. An extra heater might run into a likely possibility that the general heater puts less heat in that flat as it gets turned off at any point the temperature is 21C or whatever until one finds a way to make it not do so already at that temperature.

though there is a temporary comfort for me to still live in Helsinki with the about maximum distance without it being too far from the city core. According to the one who lives/lived in my new flat, there will only be two hours of some disturbing outside noise during nights per every day (in my current place it's a sort of 24/7, though the last month it has been about enough for me to barely use mainly teddy bears, but that's a limiting way to live and the noise level could increase again and it's not good for my head as a place and redness level). My new place will be cold, and as the price of the flat is higher than I can really afford (and as it gets still relatively higher, I will have to move sooner than I otherwise might have), though something I might need to get used to but maybe can't and/or if I can afford to get more heat in with some cheaper place (a heater that uses electricity and no minus taken). As a whole, it seems I will be moving again after maybe a couple of years though people do not seem to be moving until there is something wrong with the flat, and that's often/usually (possibly a bit more in the more popular places and in before the 2000 or so flats) about the noise as one part or as the whole part. But with care I should be able to improve the flat situation further. Four flats inside about one year, and even then I seem to be moving again. The final flat in my case seem to be the clear pink level, that I prefer - up to ruling out Malta if there would be a problem about that - and have a low noise amount, and there are other factors too, like getting the flat warmer, and our system seems to somewhat adjust to bliss - e.g. bliss (e.g. the clear pink) seems to be abnormal/non-optimal - though there is also the factor of optimal balance that is 'bliss,' happiness. But one figures to avoid problems with the too much redness as well as one just might avoid feeling lonely (both with a clear pink) - and the related things.

Living closer or in clear pink areas, that might additionally be smaller (the bigger tends to get more redness), has the additional possibility that people there have clearer and less loaded heads, and the additional B/brahma/Tao might give one more silence/distance from outer and inner noises/disturbances, coming from others or even from oneself. Catching (forehead but can and is and will be something other(s) too) means that the the system somewhere is struggling with the disturbance, x-load; and the result in the little longer run is that it will get a bit stronger, similar to any mental and physical loads. It might not be on the divine optimal level then as the disturbance of that amount is more, but one will be disturbed a bit less and will be able to mange it a bit better, though one is still likely to have up to heavy problems and more or less catching. Attitude management is also one part of that game. When one is having neighbours that have a clearer and less loaded heads and the flat otherwise too is better for that (there might be some other factors too like high high is it at and how much empty space there is around - and how red the area is), it's possible that one might be fine in the red core too, it being just an additional problem to the head, and if one has the neighbours things bad even in the clear pink areas, there is a possibility one might be worse there (e.g. in one red core flat the pressures to my head that seem to have been cause by my neighbour were that much that I never felt like Kundalini meditating but replaced it with just doing nothing; the pressures even if not disturbing all much when managed were still tying [tie] me to not do e.g. subtle manipulation - the same thing happens when one tilts, cutting off the subtle, and living under such a flat figures to be known/remembered by the x-mind too constantly - and figures somewhat better when one knows the other is away like weeks [sometime after two weeks one might already get one major step adjusted to a new state of not being pressured mentally/psychologically by the fact that the disturbance is there even if it's silent or/and the person is gone at the moment - the moments of silence etc. are not all that when the place is generally disturbing etc., it being a part of the stress zone or so] - in spite of the Aura figuring to stay [though in the other red core flat the disturbing neighbour wasn't producing the effect of the head being pressed constantly like the cells having a pressure on them constantly, them not being free, and my opinion of the case is that it was produced by the neighbour's A/aura there, by the neighbour's brain, though I figure the red core having its part or more in it.

Things add up too, like red core, neighbour's brain, neighbour's noise, my own rest needing situation, high summer heats combined to higher humidity and something else I call "humidity" (that's what it more or less is but with what seems the sea there and definitely the other disturbances it become more) that makes the clothes etc. more wet so that sleeping under a blanket together with all the other disturbances (the tilt vibrations, near sea, heat, redness - redness feels uncomfortable - to the head, body - because it's not clean or whatever and it seems it's the factor that makes clothes feel like waxed and the reasons for it is that redness is not 'clean' - already under the summer Aura later I feel the clothes - and anything - more clean, fresh, closer as the natural contact to them as itself not through the redness that covers the A/awareness it seems) becomes too much like later summer as it feel too uncomfortable and wet - I even had to dry them more to be more comfortable in 2010 later summer - I additionally was still living from some parts under the A/aura of the place (that had major tilting vibrations too) before my aura had changed it to a more degree as well as later I might have get a bit more adjusted to the complete disturbance though even after about one year of living here I haven't got into a comfort level and feel it bit worse now when waiting for the last few weeks before I get away from here as it has made me further aware of the problems of this place though the last try-to-move_away did have a bit golden views as it happens generally but I don't figure to have them again but feel worse waiting for the time when I will get out and more free (though as soon as I got the red core more pinky in the middle of June, I feel more comfortable because being more light, more free, more clean) though not that there won't be some problems and a cold flat and I won't know about neighbours yet and if my cells will get free and the head more or less stops spot burning etc. but at least I have got the knowledge that the noise problem is not major while in this current place it just might not to be against the current law and so it might be better not to go to collect proofs (the noise meter is to be used at a given time and maybe collecting statements would be accepted by the law but I don't know) and make it a law case even if one would be in a position to do so. The noise level increased again (mere teddy bears are not enough), as figured. Though it seems the better to complete silence the early part of the summer was because my neighbour moved away - plus was on (a) holiday perhaps - and that slowly he had learned to be more silent while the new one still needs to be trained, though I won't bother to try it anymore and not that it would make things good enough anyway, it being also a flat problem, though in my hands that flat would be silent. Two weeks more and I will be gone, and then they continue that same with the next one who rents this place. It's just so unbelievable. As far as I know, there is no law that says that all constant noises are to be kept inside the flat, and the law might have even just the noise meter, that's no good alone, though I suspect statements should do, but in this world one better consult a law expert and ask. I am always going to ask the one who lives in the new place, as well as I know the year of the flat and what it more or less contains, as well as I will test the walls and the floor - e.g. wooden drum-like being no good - and try to be there at some time the neighbour also might be there with the noise. There is a truth in the saying of not to trust anyone, but still, one can know more than that of the issue. One can trust the natural ethical factors in people to some amount but one should always be aware there are more or less holes in it for variety of reasons. The outer personality types being only one of the things one needs to understand and see and then there is the inner persona and the specific reads.

The 2010 later summer problems were there more or less in the next year too during the same time though early summer it was getting constantly to 50% soon to 60% and the latter was constantly then and was even higher than the last year though it wasn't all that hot usually but later (middle) summer I started to feel the wet effect again that also partly might have to do with first floor away from the sun place as it's cooler and more like a cellar from the moist or so feel and makes it more understandable of what it might feel like (a bit later the moisture was staying at close 70%, one week so far, that was already felt by most instantly, with like 26C. And 60% seems to have been taken note of also, and some was thinking last year, 50% later summer and after, that it was moist, but I wasn't having those problems in Kontula), but I put it mostly to the just about on the sea spot and I never had such like 10 km away from the sea] and there might be some other factors too like it being the first floor, and whatever, I won't be living in the red core ever again and I don't need to either and I know the clear pink to be the best though the system might adjust to it but it hardly makes it comparable to white] - that also gives enough time for one's X-mind/x-mind to adjust, and as I will soon - in less than one month - move, there will be a period of living what I have missed and it will take more or less time, in theory even years, before I will get back to my complete track for heading to the future, that tough my time has been cut seriously at the time I could not afford any more lose of time but I will have to then figure out a different future in Finland or so [not that that really disturbs me as there is nothing I can do to how things happen to me but only can play the game as it happens, it just being unfortunate], while there are still many things for me to see of what happens to my recovery, in the world etc., things changing or not changing). The red core people figure to have on average more loaded heads and unlikely as clear as they live with that and those and in the red core. Blocking the Auras of people away, there is some possibility to do so by putting something in the head, like teddy bears or something around the head, that not only they cut of some noise and physical disturbances (forehead), they also might cut of some of the sensing ability (similarly to not feeling much or any Kundalini in the head then). The Aura of the flats of the neighbours figure to stay similarly to any Aura (and the aura of one's x-mind I might add when it feels stuffs from inside and outside) so it doesn't mean things get much if any better even if all people disappear, though I think one has always sensed something emptier then but it might be other psychological aspects too as the x-mind also feels what one remembers in the memory - that is also one thing when feeling the neighbours or whatever Auras as one's own Xmind's opinion (combined to one's personal loads e.g. if one is less loaded one might manage better as one has less though if one is also more clear one might manage less in comparison to the disturbance) also gets in the x-mind and has more or less nothing to do with others, though not that the Xmind ever is all wrong but it can never be trusted in any way as the complete fact of the case. The pinkier area might also protect generally from disturbances, though one also seems to be less aware of the hard factors, and that perhaps includes the heat of the sun too that might not feel as hot there, that's both good and bad (one might get burned more easily, or then from some parts less easily too in case the lesser redness are would have any effect in protecting one a bit more) and something one might need to take in consideration when living in some hot place, where one additionally better pick the near sea places as the average temperature will then be lower too, and even if the heat is by itself not felt any hotter in the red core, adding the red core effect in it too might add any uncomfort of anything but the heart from the aspect of not feeling lonely. 28C and more when the sun is hitting one, might be felt as strong hotness but at the lesser redness areas it might not be felt as being as hot as I have experienced it on both areas and that's what I have so far felt it like, and it's about the other heavy factors adding to it, like moisture and heat, wind and heat, here it being redness and heat, though it might be felt as hot in the pinkier and more or less white areas too, but it's not how I have seen it so far.

There is a sort of an x-Aura; e.g. a summer Aura. I was wondering somewhere during the first half of July, why I don't feel the emptier red core city center (that I made a note of already when I was living there my 15 years). It seem it took half the summer (though more people all in all or whatever might be away from the city center just after that) to get the Aura changed, though it's not necessarily the Aura that has all changed as with the amount of people there that produce the emptier, more isolated and more lonely feel, could be pinkier possibly, not just the lonelier feel (that I have felt in Kontula too during one summer, it not being red core specific, it seems). I was thinking I was x-loaded from the left and it was giving me the feels of loneliness and isolation, but then I remembered. I was also half-packed and so as I am moving to another place, but those could only add some, the case being that there is a summer Aura and it might take its time till it will be there. Naturally, at some point one will start to feel life coming back when people start to come back. One thing that adds to loneliness is that one feels-thinks to be in the wrong place and the others have moved to where the life is, but the fact is just the emptier city center (it's not necessarily feeling lonely, isolated in the core or the core though it's emptier there too even during the busiest times - that from the Aura point of view makes not much of a difference by itself though some more space and so gives other feels or so too), though if the whole Aura would be cleaner to that level (In Kontula too? Hard to see it so, maybe just more empty [I am not going to say the Aura says people are on a holiday but one just might look at it something like that too] - also happened to be the first time I faced Nirvana in Kontula, in July, especially later, too, while my Brahma was from July, and the year later it became nirvanic sometime in July or the next month, and if I would have know there are more brahmanic/Tao spaces at clear pink areas, but I didn't till about 14 years later in 2011 when I saw something like that in Leppävaara, Espoo, that combined to city center's red and Oulunkylä/Patola's fairyland, and one and two north-west Helsinki visits, made it clear, and I then took a look to more Helsinki, Espoo, Vantaa), it might be of more bliss, and so there can be XAura that's the Aura, and x-aura and then even some X-aura as the combination in between, but there is a sort of an x-Aura and it seems to take here like 1.5 months (since the beginning of June) before it changes for one to take a major note. If one goes to some place and gets some Auras/auras/vibration to one's x-mind, they will take their time as hours to days, even weeks or in case months and years to disappear/decrease, though the weeks, months, years have something major to do with the Xmind/Deities, not with the x-mind, x-A/aura. And that x-mind is about the memory while the Aura of the city or so, as itself, maybe not as it could be the combined x-mind of people, though in the Aura, and when someone leaves some place like a flat, spot, seat, one can get to feel that A/aura and so it's not just in the x-mind, and unlikely in any way but in the air/Aura/vibrations. The x-Aura might do as a technical term but in reality there figures to be just the Aura, spiritual Air, vibrations, and there can be some steps when it changes, and it seems generally too that there might be, and it's just the Aura, nothing else, not even the x-aura, that's a mind term. The city center might become a bit smaller as a red core and even there it's clearly less, and it's clearly significantly and up to major red lighter on the outer half/parts of the old red core, and that is simply what's the about current situation as the amount of people there (and around in Helsinki and maybe further as the minds are connected from one point to the other and that could add to it while the minds further could not have up to any influence to that far directly) though not that that is necessarily the whole story and there seem(s) to be at least some (even if minor) steps of change, but that's about it. The summer Aura in the city center, in the ex-red core, becomes more clean, more fresh, the head more light and clear and clean (without all the problems more redness produces to the head, body, emotions, mind, one being clearer, cleaner, more free and lighter of them), the awareness as a result of that light and decreased pressure and other problems in the head, is larger, the nature connection to everything is more clear (A/awareness at least sort of as no doubt the redness covers it - the white light - when it's too much, though in between redness and white we have a bit of a different view though not that one's awareness is less at white areas, one just not seeing and feeling as much of that energy, Awareness, B/brahma/Tao; like white light with [more] energy).

These redness things as a whole as well as x-unloading to more light, lights and clearer head are ways also to somewhat show these types of spiritual things; x-unloading to clarity (and balance); a bit up to Meditation (Dhyana, and witnessing), and more or less about Brahma, Nirvana, up to Meaning as the heart (redness and energy; F/nf, P/people) and the Situational meaning (T[hinking]) as Brahma and Buddha as the place that we are Here (T/S). Though I was living in Kontula - white area - a bit over one year (with my red head and red body and in a complete burnout, and I came from the red core) before I got the Brahma Awareness, and that's what I was seeking most intensely at those times and I was a W&C, and I knew Dhyana (Shiva, Brahma inside the body) more or less completely and was walking outside also as Vishnu - that's a method where one brings the outer emptiness (Awareness) inside one's body just like that (one will see and feel oneself then like when one has the Brahma Awareness, there being a solid connection to it in action, not just in Meditation, Dhyana, but one keeps it in action too and so is supported by that A/awareness just like when one has Brahma Awareness, just that one still has the curtain but under it one will be aware of B/brahma inside the body, even in action, and that I have from my, Dhyana, Meditation, A/awareness point of view named as Vishnu, though generally its definition contains more or less the whole Logos - God stuffs, the whole Life - there not being a clear specific from Shiva, Brahma, Deities; the logos of materials, the logos of psychology, the logos of ethics, the logos of systems, that all form God or Logos - and the ultimate meaning as the Being, God, Logos, the Life itself - as a whole, but knowing the specifics, one can be more specific, and as the reality of Life has often been looked as Vishnu, with methods, it's just a fitting place though I have limited it here, and Brahma and Shiva have also been named like Vishnu, Logos, but Brahma one can not see like that as a whole until one is a Christ/Celibate or at least a Buddha/Sensor or a child, and seeing Shiva is just fine as Dhyana, Meditation, and [also] from (the) Meditation point of view, they are not separate) - and didn't see/paid a note about one thing, the curtain in my body was there and I/my A/awareness was Separate (inside my body) of the space around me, so it's not something one sees just like that, but by looking one figures to see some difference outside and feel some difference inside/outside e.g. like the summer Aura that happens in the same place where one is but one can see it there and then - the same place - and one can put e.g. the nature in note at other places than in e.g. the red core, and so something can be seen/felt. And for the one like me, it becomes a major case to pick where one lives according to that though there is a possibility one might get many of the goods by picking the middle places. One should see the difference happening when one enters/spends time in the red core, just that one might think it could be all about people (and the memory-feel) - not the Aura - compared to when one lives further away, though some thinking might make it clearer that it's not just the action, and when with friends or so (one will have less the need the more red the Aura is [the heart will then have the cell-like pressure and will not feel empty, additionally to it having the added people in it from the red Aura, the latter being fine, nf-comfortable, the first being artificial and is the pressure problem that's overall too bad, one not being free], and the more one is using energy, the more one is in action, especially mental action, and the more one has those, the more one is up to pushing people away), one also feels "redness" as the heart, people, and one might think it's psychological and from much part it can be (they are still closer than the unknown people that in cases can be felt closer too and it's psychological, sort of at least), so, the Aura stuffs are not all easy, for unenlightened people, but I was so too and I know some things can be seen and felt even there, and being more in balance, clearer, having less curtains, the possibilities are still better.

During the summer Aura things outside too look more clear and clean (like when getting the Brahma Awareness - because of one's own head/body, the curtain, not being there, while here it can be others' heads in one's head but is mainly an Aura phenomenon but the pressures etc. in the head/cells, body, emotions are in one's head, from the Aura's nature), and they physically too feel more clean and more comfortable (as a result of them and the body, mind, emotions being more clean, comfortable, closer). As a result of this summer Aura, my time in the red core was limited in about 11 straight months, and I am not naming this summer core as red core; I have to call it a pink core or something. I am never going to live in the red core again, the loses being too big. And fortunately, there is not only the pink areas but even a variety of different kind of clear pink areas that are up to awesome. Though I would need to do some finer re-checking as I was checking them during the summer time, before the red core became a pink core, but some other places might have changed earlier, though not that I saw a difference at the places that I already knew before (Oulunkylä/Patola, Kontula, a bit north-west Helsinki), but the possibility is there that the redness level might be some more as well as the white areas might be a bit more pink, though the latter I don't much expect much but more likely some busy places might get more red when the summer is over. The summer Aura time seems like a comfortable time to visit some bigger cities as well as generally be some at the summer core as it happens only one month or so per year. It will feel emptier, up to lonely, more silent (because of the lesser redness also/alone), though not necessarily if one hasn't been living in the red core, and it rates to be just standard pink as it's elsewhere, though it might not be all like that. But it will be more clear and comfortable (including the heat perhaps) to be there, and the only thing one will miss is the feel of what it's during the other times; the red core/city one visits during the summer Aura is not the same place.

The country for me to pick if I get recovered enough, is still unclear, there being matters of doings changing my state of being and some needs, that both can change the decision, and though Italy is the right pick for me, it can't be picked when it's worse for me at this time, but it's a matter of up to small detail(s) of what I will pick, but the difference has again become balanced between the UK (the matter and doings) and Italy (the absolute and partly the alternate doings/life/persona) and there is no decision till I get more information, and things have also become worse in Finland, so that it makes it possibly more difficult to stay here if I get ready to go (that has been delayed and the road is not straight during the next couple of years either as I am having a rather bad luck with flats and other things, that both are putting me closer to the UK. It just would be way more easy if it simply would make it clear one way or the other, but it isn't but at times), and that as well as a similar level of a drop about Italy, have both lately added to the direction of the UK and that's why it again is in the picture and I am again mentally thinking of moving there, but the information still needs to develop, so no decision at this point other than there is no decision at this point though the UK is again at the top at this time and I am actually thinking of moving there, that also results to a more relaxed state and cooler flows in my system (that feels nice when one is not having cold - that might be the situation about all year in my flats in Finland the next 40 years or so - and one is not in a state of great balance and when one is not deep in darkness of the weather, and not in Italian persona, nor in the Italy weather persona; so, things can very easily change though they will be facing the doings and realities that the UK offers as better perhaps but those detail are not yet clear) as it's a cooler and darker place (that of course feels depressing when one has a different balance, not needing cold and dark for balance [additionally, I expect my outer world now starting to look less brings, darker, smaller, colder, less happy, unhappier, and it can be tough to pick so, it not being onyl the cooler that starts moving/feeling in my body but the whole world will start to look different outside and maybe as a whole too and I can't figure it to be positive while will it last forever as so, I don't know but the possibility is there, though it's not happening if I stay in Finland though it's not a decision and that's what can be needed and even when I pick Italy it's a change to my system flows/life and to how the outer world too will look like though it's not as bad as the UK, but other than that, with depression, the UK has positive feels and is an improvement over Finland, and what are those outer world changing so radically and inner too, I just can't believe it's going to last, and it's rather unbelievable, and I suspect it won't last as bad, it being partly an illusion produced by my x-mind, though a rather impressive one while it's not really so different between different outer personalities either, them not being an illusion, though they have something more solid to them than just the x-mind getting 'dark' and different and changing what I see, experience and feel and the whole flow and life of the system, but I just call it a heavy feeling for now, though it doesn't happen to me generally but basically just with the UK, though with Italy too but differently, mainly positively, while with the UK it's mainly negative as it's so (much) down, dark, colder, depressing, (much) smaller world as (much) less outer awareness, (much) less bright and all that happens here and now, and that is a different pack of feeling as all the other normal stuffs that I experience, feel and see about the UK, this being a different pack, together with the other pack that I consider normal, this other pack producing feelings, seeing, being, world that it basically shouldn't do though thinking about Italy or so one should be able to see that one could feel warmer, happier, more outer awareness and so, and this is on the similar category, so I need to consider it too normal, though life might not be all like that in either place but the x-mind still might retain its nature even when being long time at those places though they might more or less change too and that's because this phenomenon doesn't look like fully true, but feelings like extra happiness and extra depression do change everything inside and outside, though they do not correlate with the whole reality and one will be more or less out of there with time, and maybe so too from the illusion of any country, though not that it's not based to some facts too and those will remain but only that much, and that's what I might now think, but if it stays too much it's just as limiting as awareness as the red core is, though differently, while not being more open, more outer aware, world outiside - and inside - not being brighter, it's all the opposite of E/enlightenment and the opposite of a happy life factor, it being unenlightenment and an unhappy factor and I don't want stuff like that] - that's why so many like e.g. the cold [and dark - that I also often used in the city center as the first floor this one year though I might use less light in the future also and think about the light situation of the winter of what to do about it] flats - they might be cold in Italy and in the UK also but at least I have a possibility for more, and if comfortable, close the whole year might be comfortable in the UK compared to Italy that has at least more heat during the summer and their flats have a higher possibility to be/of being cold as it's a known thing about the Mediterranean flats and if the whole flat year so has a higher possibility to be uncomfortable in Italy, it already drops points, though as Italians move with winter clothers even when it's not that cold to me, one might think their flats to be warmer too but the general knowledge doesn't indicate that they would correlate), though it might be more relaxed to me than Finland. I am also not worried anymore about spending my life in the UK, as what's the hurry, there being enough time and things in many ways will be better during my next life.

So, I am now thinking I will be going in the UK if I get healed enough and if I don't, I will stay in Finland, and only if the situation in these countries will change to favor Italy, will it again become possible, but I can have all the "alternate" personas in the UK too, not needing to be in Italy, it not being the whole world especially in the big picture, if I will be in the UK instead, and considering all the other things, that are better in the UK, I can't think it would be horrible that I am not in Italy if my personality becomes so that it would be perfect there, and if it will, then I will just have to take the lose, but at this time must pick what I consider the best for my situation. I just sooner or later pick some nice clear pink area from London and might live economically and from the work point of view a better life, and have the doings better in the UK and no heat problems, just some winter part being dark and not as warm as I would like but even there it's a bit more light and about 10C higher temperature during the winter half, and all-in-all the UK situation for me at this time is good enough, and it's not clear at this time that it isn't good enough in Finland for this life, though I will move as fast as possible if I get recovered enough and will enjoy my time in the UK instead and being relaxed and cool about it over any other option. A good place to die at, and seven million people in London alone, and an international language and no need to learn it much if any more, having a shot of being reborn in the UK with English is also nice. So, I am a little bit excited though the shadow of depression will also be there because I get more cool and more dark (and sort of less enlightened and less happy - maybe not unhappy at the times one can stay steady in this state of nothingness, coolness, depth, up to very limited like being inside something - a more or less sort of personality change or so taking place and because of those I might not be able to pick the UK because my outer and inner world becomes different and it being like living under the water, that I have become a fish, no more living on land) as well as lose the other Italian things also, though I will still more or less have them and some nice clear pink place in the UK would be nice, it not being such a horrible place then, in case I also don't have to be living in a submarin the rest of my life (maybe there is some way to get enlightened-out of it? Though it's rather strange thinking but not necessarily out of the line thinking, but I have other things in my mind than spending the rest of my life trying to get out of it in the UK). It just often happens that life takes an unfortunate turn and one needs to deal with problems that do not even need to be there, or just happen to happen and not being what one was figuring the life ahead to be. The UK takes the warmth-energy out from the right and so one is instantly on the left, and its nature if like mentioned, when not x-unloaded perhaps or even when just loaded but x-mind is the main x-reality. So, if then not x-loading the left, it could be a more permanent state with no balancing counter on the right and so, like in Italy. If x-unloading the left, the fish figures to get on land though it would still be just the UK, but it could be enough, though maybe not if one keeps x-loading the left, until the system finds some balance, but looking other people, it might and might not and there is no reason to think it would other than the body and mind getting more or less a health counter to it but the x-state remaining.

It seems that with the UK the 'Si'-personality happens in me, the outer awareness becomes more inner, and it focuses e.g. inside the body, in the body, if one is in the sensor dominant type then for more, one feeling the body more because of the increased awareness of it, it then also feeling more heavy, and stronger, more massive, that as a by-product seems to give more confidence (not necessarily on every area but as a unit here and now), then the focus, it's not spread like evenly perhaps everywhere from the body to outer world, or possibly the other way around, and the body there feels lighter, less as the focus, less strong, but one feels the outer things better with that awareness and as a result understands there better, faster (used in most gaming), one being smarter there, and when e.g. typing, one feels bit like Arnold with the Si there, it not being as otherwise, though Arnold has EJ, ESTJ, and that is more focused than ISTP, I think, and so I didn't saw a decrease as outer focus, that instead increased as focus, though is a decrease as outer awareness though it's not so easy to see that difference, but as the awareness gets focused more on/in the body and to the type of focus outside, it leaves the rest to lesser, though I have to repeat that it doesn't look like one has a weakness with the outer awareness but one can come to know it, though these changes, though significant and real, are still just on the x-mind, though it affects the body, mind, emotions, focus, awareness, functions in a real way, just that the bases still are the old one, much like though I am an S-INTP, I am an INTP (Socionics) as bases, though I also have more 'Se,' but I am not an Se, and I am not an S-dominant, though e.g. in this ESTJ type of an experience I was feeling like it on the x-mind, and there I was so though could be ISTP too (with the old bases for more Se) but a combination too of me-base and that x-mind. I have been at x-ENFJ type too once when under the UK influence, and it seems the UK is EJ or IP, while Italy is EP to me but could be IJ too as it's about close and in Italy they are (also) small and pretty and the language is of the Fi-type, and many EP can like French. The positive changes of being an ESTJ kind of was the body strength, confidence, the focus (the focus might be a J-thing considering their eye-type and T-dominance over S-dominace though as seeing the thing is the P, S but it doesn't mean it's as focused). And the negative things is the decrease in looseness e.g. when typing, and as outer awareness as gaming, though the focus has its positive on those areas too. I got that physical one reason as I was walking outside (some two hours) but I have had the Si-dominance as sensor dominant in my body before too and could possibly also produce it with will (I haven't been using much major manipulation these days but it's more like things just happening though I have nothing to say about the case) as basically I just need a decision, focus, being in something etc., and changes more or less happen in my x-mind, much because I don't have such a fixed persona on surface as a result of my Buddha, though not that it's so with the Sensors, but I have cut of the N and the persona with that process and so have it more free on the surface, like I have the permanent S with my INTP, that otherwise could be the case.

The factual picture of the UK is that it's just the same place as any other place in the world, if counting off living near enough a beach and using it significantly, and other outdoor activities. The temperature differences between some Genoa and London are not huge, though the sunshine factors favors Genoa/Italy, but the temperature difference is not major, while to Helsinki the UK is just 10C warmer during the winter half and that's like all. All else is just the same; the flat where one lives and everything around it are, look and feel just the same. The metro one might be using is there similarly, one using it and going with it, just the same. One working somewhere, just the same. Doing shopping, hobbies, just the same. In Mediterranean everyone's shirt outside is more or less wet all the time like three to six months per year, and one needs to consider the type of work one is doing and how cool it's inside if any. London has 23C summer average highs that's 1C below the wet shirt, and 8C average winter highs that's 2C above what's uncomfortable (with colder wind especially) when out a bit longer than when just going somewhere. The heat can be problematic (and if the flat is cold during other times; it's more or less hot during the summer time, that needs to be considered at home too whether one uses coolers or not). The weather in the UK is no different from the pale and less sunshine point of view than the weather in Finland, but the other option is much like the hot summer or then not getting major improvements living in e.g. Genoa instead (10% of London), though when looking the optimal, stuff like that gets near, but it's not an optimal time for me to improve things so little. To me the optimal is the UK until things look different after some years. I am not paying too much to take the UK and I get at least enough, so no possibility of a lose, not even compared to Italy; not in my situation. The clear pink areas have their part (as I know things at this time) in the increased comfort of the non-Mediterranean places, and they just might make even the winter halves up to significantly less depressing, though I don't have enough experience about it and the winter half can always be better, e.g. in the UK compared to Finland.

The last day of this month(,) I again changed my mind and put Italy as the priority(,) though there is a possibility (some things about Italy might similarly remain - and they will live in me all the years till getting somewhere and then maybe die little by little though being replaces by the reality that is different at different countries and places) I will not be any more a fish in the UK than in Finland, but I still prefer Italy as the weather and the absolutes are better (to me a fine as a place of death and I even prefer Italian/60M language (plus it's 50% English) and I am fine to go in e.g. Italy anyway in the next life, and there is a satisfaction to have the absolutes of language and weather, and the Mediterranean - with a big country) and the rest of the things are good enough for/to me, and so if enough recovery happens and I get in Italy, then I will be going. Though not that the world situation is clear either and there is a possibility I will take a look into Malta and UK (London but not necessarily), while staying in Finland is also possible (the worst time might be something like 15.12.-15.02 in like south Finland and one gets some more sunlight in Finland compared to the UK on the summer half. Getting some time away during the winter would help some as well as clear pink for me at least and taking more light during the darkest winter though it's still cold but warm clothes and avoiding but -4C average highs at least when the wind is cold. 10C warmer winter half in the UK but that's about it, the rest of the weather things being like just the same and if one is fine with that and wants only to get the pain of the winter off though only as 10C more then the UK would be the place and in theory has no problems otherwise and might be an up-and-go ready and one should not have problems fitting in London/UK. Learning some other language would take many years and is no sure it wouldn't be useless if one doesn't get things well enough there. Then there are some other English countries but one might need a new profession and get there before one is 45 or so), but not as things look like now, though this decision is based on my guess and hopes and has only some things more realistic in it than like one year ago. Just that it's now the time for Italy to be on (the) top of my list, and I will (need to) live that for it to fully work. But from most points it's very realistic as one asks if e.g. Italy as a whole is good enough for/to me based on what the situation in the world is now and figures to be in the future, and what my life is now and figures to be in the future (it not being just a state of doings but also a state of beings and feelings - more balanced and absolute though with language study), and then add some recovery (without I can go at least in the UK, if I want to) and getting (if not, I can go somewhere else) in Italy technicalities. I will not be as relaxed (and a fish) as with the UK pick, but I will be more comfortable with the Italy pick as the absolutes (and so will be my awareness and so, though with the costs), though I am not always thinking in absolute terms as life has some hard facts and doings factors in it too and they too have a habit of jumping on top of the list.

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