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Brahma_Yoga_F-Meaning_Part_10

6/2011. The red area can become a problem in another country and before moving I would have to go and take a look. Is it okay to work in a red area? What about hobbies? Where in London and Genoa etc. are the red, pink and white areas? They could be far away or closer. Should I pick a small place to live in so no red problem but also maybe not picking a place as small as not having pink options too. But a small place might lack action; a big place figures to have white and pink areas and so one could at least live if not work and have hobbies there, and big places might have jobs and hobbies more and better outside the red areas too. Travelling might to take more time and money (though it rates to be cheaper to live further away) from pink and white areas, though not necessarily too much. Pink area,, the name pink comes from it being between red and white but it also comes form it being often the feel like "pink" about those areas when they feel e.g. like family areas possibly more or less single house places too, there being a specific type of a feel then, possibly on the first half of the pink area but maybe not, and then there is the fairy_land pink area, though all pink areas are more or less so, possibly at the latter half of the pink area, or at the very end of it, where one feels it to be so as it's like half reality; the moon, the blue sky, the green trees, the air, the aura of the place, the atmosphere (and one has a better connection to them though still not complete like in the white areas it's complete though at some still more emptier areas one might be able to experience it still more but I haven't been there), it all looks and feels like a fairy_tail, and almost sure because of the combination of white (Brahma - can't think of what else it would be and I don't see any difference to it not being Brahma, though it's the lack of red and what one has left then and one might call it e.g. Tao or whatever because of that and not label it as Brahma though it too is in that space and connects to nature and is awareness and so it's definitely in a more clean space then and is Brahma) and red (people), the split reality making it look and feel like a fairy tale/land. One is not free from feeling loneliness there and I am not sure the half reality or so would be so appealing to the one who knows the whole reality here, but it still is nice and one might prefer it, just picking the amount of nature, space, semi-city life (like in smaller cities and around the core). Is it better than the hard core center? It depends of/on specific picks but generally it's a win-lose situation as one loses people and action but gets more awareness around (one sees, feels, senses more and from that part is head lighter and happier - the more the whiter). With more white one has the better nature connection, that's Life vs. human life. In the later pink area one risks more loneliness than when earlier and is not getting the full(er) bliss of white and so should at least pick the exact place well. The latter half of the red area as well as the first half of the pink area might be more fitting for/to the one who lives alone and possibly for many others. But one can shop around and all areas have some specific differences because of the amounts of white and red differences as well as because of some other things in the aura and in other ways as a place, and even the same place a couple hundred meters to another direction will have some inside differences in any area (pink, red, white and more specific(al)ly too). Loneliness can feel horrible, uncomfortable, so it's not to be taken lightly as it's an unnecessary uncomfort factor that can be filled with more red and the bother disappears while with enough white one can have some happiness of Life too. White is bliss, and red is comfortable to the heart but uncomfortable to the head though one needs to consider the goods of the red too as it's a competitive option. But one thing one can't get when more or less alone if even otherwise as then one might not be alone, is the white bliss (x-bliss) with a red filled heart, and picking anything in between loses more or less one way or the other.

London has six hours of sunshine about the whole summer half (Rome has some 50% more and less rain - 1h more than Genoa that also might rain more often) and one could calculate of how many days per week that would then be that are more or less sunny and think if that will be enough. I might try to see it clear this year - by looking around - of what weather I might be able to accept as temperature and amount of sunshine. Though the UK might be pale even when it's not winter but six hours is six hours and I would need to see what that is compared to a summer half average like eight hours that's only 2/8 more, though that's not the whole sunshine picture but it does look like the summer half in the UK/London is good enough and the bigger question being about the winter half that might still have 40-50% the bads of Helsinki as it's up to as dark (1+1 longer day(s) and possible more visible light though not sunshine). The summer half in the UK I might think not being worse than in Finland though there is much more light and sunlight though much of it when one is sleeping though on pension one might be up during any time and in some jobs one also often will be. And so one wins like 50% better winter halves by moving from Finland to UK. Doesn't look like much and might not be much but I think the winters for me in Helsinki are bad and so it's a no-brainer to me to move away if possible, while the winter half could be still something better than what the 40-50% looks like on paper as it's about how one experiences it and in the whole picture of the year, the winter half having it's print on the summer half too. The UK weather does not really look much different from the weather in Finland or Helsinki and one gets the similar feel of the weather when looking the pictures while when one looks at the pictures from a sunny country, one generally gets a more colorful or/and warm picture. Enjoying (of) the better winter half, the place and the language, and the better future there, all are in/on the whole picture. And it's not that one necessarily needs much to get under the pain level. The summer half comparison to Italy/Genoa here is reasonably positive but doesn't include the fact that it rains at least a bit like three times per week in London. The winter half reasonable positive look would be to look only at the four months that are below 11C in London; that have sort of two suns (and 1+1 less light than in Italy/Genoa) when Italy/Genoa has four suns and 11C or better vs. the about 8C in London - that figures to be relatively nice like I have experienced in Helsinki when it was 4C during January, though not that 4C is anything great in November in Helsinki, it just being bad weather (especially with darkness) but 8C (though just a high) is in a better level and it might be less dark, or then not. The rainy days, they might be on the sun level boat until one is camping or so, like going with a bike or so.

Is the extra amount of sunshine valued by one so much (minus if one takes sunny holidays that adds a little bit sun in the UK too) that one is giving up global English and seeing the trouble of learning e.g. Italian (and it being unsure if one even gets at least a reasonable job as well as it can take many years for one to learn Italian well enough - compared to whatever English one still needs to learn), lesser salary/economics, possible overly hot weathers, possible lacks in doings (though personal) and maybe housing quality (possibly okay and might be worse in the UK instead). The UK also might give a better shot for moving somewhere else there vs. if one doesn't want to end up in a too hot (days) or cold weather in Italy, as well as possibly in a lack of action, e.g. London is at least 7M and some normal city (the core, some more around) in Italy might be 250K, that's 28 times smaller than London - that pretty much ends the matter in case it matters to one as people and/or action. If one feels like living in e.g. Italy (with Italian), I know all those and more factors can be ignored (because of likings and personality), more so if one really can't get over the picture that the UK is that much worse. There is no guarantee that whatever one thinks and feels is correct enough and good enough in the whole picture. Any one detail can change one's opinion (in the whole picture of one's life/life there are many things to consider and any one of them can make a difference as well as any changes in one's view about any one of them can make the difference). The details being one thing one needs to work clearer and then one needs to see all those in one (or possibly more - to compare) complete picture that's reasonably close of the reality of one's life. Have the details etc. so far made me make the final decision based on head basically? That hasn't happened; it would be easier to pick a persona (that has priorities and likings), but if one can't do that then one can only compare the details and try to see the whole picture of one's life, even if that finally also will end in picking a persona, but then it would be based on head - even if it picked to support the non-head or whatever.

The pick with the head also results in personality, that has its likings though the pick with details has made the choice. Though if my personal situation would have been good, Italy and Italian would have been my pick, but as that wasn't the case, I had to pick by details, that resulted in a personality with its likings and as so the Italy persona and Italian persona takes a back seat though with all the thinking it has been shown that it might still fit in from some small part as entertainment and possible holidays (as weather and related doings), as a tiny (can't deal with it more as it's not in my major being in the UK and takes energy and I can't really live and use it but it might have its small place and make the whole a bit richer even if it currently doesn't look like to fit so well in the UK while the UK at least in my case is a safe and comfortable pick with a good range or doings) hobby and a part life, though not clear if the UK persona will take it in the picture till I am better recovered.

The details on (the) weather (2 vs. 4 and 6 vs. 8) has improved the imagine of the weather in the UK in my mind, though it's still 13C spring vs. 16C summer different that makes a major difference so one must at least a bit like the cooler weather too, not just the summer that additionally has major sunshine at the peaks and no rain bothering and a more or less high temperature for other summer joys (also the sea water is warm by Finnish standards during half of the year, like 5-10) that are not there in the UK, nor there possibly is no major joy of the language. Then the details about English resulted in accepting it as it's smooth (rounded) and more simple with grammar, and with words in a way but that counts out too as one is using some complexity. The symbolic way of writing it is some problem but it's not English as a whole and won't go over the good factors and the globality of it and it's possible to take English, and it's not feeling bad even if one doesn't get major delights when using it. Getting used to, adjusted to the UK weather and English, will take more time, but the focus is already on the simple good pick for my situation (as well as at the UK and English persona that one is then getting used to and see what happens) and at the place as a whole (that's also possibly somewhat more fitting for now as there are white people also though that might be of a minor detail but even that is not non existent at this time for me and I think there could be some more fun in the UK because of that, it having some more home aspect to it). Making that pick as a whole changed many views and likings and I am now starting my journey of getting more used to the whole picture of the UK weather, language, place, doings and as my (temporary) place as the whole; in state of beings with views, doings and persona. I don't know what the end result of that adjustment will be but it's simple enough to wait and see. This is cool water (and feels so too but now as more fitting and accepted) in my major preferences but it has its place for this life.

There is still one problem and that is the thing that I am still attracted to Italy persona; Italy itself (even nothing to do with Italian) as I seem to feel how I would be feeling there and comparing that to the comparable UK version, the UK feel in that light inferior (under the influence of the Italy persona or whatever it is). The Italy (and Italian) persona is like EP, while the UK persona is much like IP, and when under those personas, my likings and preferences also are somewhat from those directions, though the main thing is being under the personas of the places that here do not necessarily mean full preferences from/of those same directions, there being room for doings on the other directions, but the place persona one might be under might be those. If the Italy persona doesn't stand on my way, there is nothing that prevents me picking the UK over Italy. I don't even know the realities of Italy and the UK as personas, it just being how I feel and be when I put myself in those in my sort of imagination, or memory facts or so. But what has been achieved by now is that there is no dominant factual number reason nor dominant factual language reason that in the big picture would put me in Italy in this life.

I think I have now the last remaining point(s) clear and will try to get in the UK like when 50 as far as I can help it and whether I have got enough healed or not, it otherwise being more depressing than that spending the last 30 or so years in Finland and even that not finishing the matter, while in the UK I have all achieved. I saw the good spirit of being in the UK, of how it feels under the whole picture of it

Weather, language, economics, and personal life and doings, the Mind from some parts included somewhere but basically it's about how one feels of being under the UK; including the weather, language, place itself, what life is there for me and why it's good for me. How it feels like to be there being the main thing here but it includes all the facts and one's situation though it's not on thinking as a focus at the time one feels the place of why it's good for one (to me) to be there though that feel also contains all the factors I know about it, just that it's not a thought from the main part of it but a feel and that - without any personalities that I am not - is now a live feel and dominates the Italy option as a place that's more shaky - I felt that all the way - and feels good only under the Italian personality that then in that light more or less ignores all the other factors as rather irrelevant in comparison. But one needs to be such a personality on solid bases and without that the UK for me is the solid pick and I know what it contains and how it feels for me to be in the UK and that feel is something additional to the factors though contains them too and is founded by them. Maybe the feel of the UK has just been updated with all the factors making the ground in the UK very solid, but whatever it is, the spirit of being there as one is with all the factors or maybe basically even without, can be felt and it now has a possitive feel to it in the spirit of being in the UK, that it from the major part never had before. I might know the flower of Italy, and now I might know some flower of the UK too, the case so being sort of balanced between these languages though it's a personality think; an outer and maybe an inner - at least because there are things to understand.

and I am not to see the 'wrong' visions of sunny, temperature and other weather matters as I have got them clear already that they are good enough in the UK, and having the global English is major, and Italian is sort of just a language and it being the sort of "cheaper" option to the more solid option of picking English. I am taking the most solid picks by picking the UK and English, as well as it's the most fit to my situation in this life and fine for the start in the next life too and possibly even further but that depends of what I am then and what options the world has then open for me. The UK has a Mind or many minds and the positive spirit mentioned and so what I felt a sort of long time ago already as the "continue" thing as a good place and quality of life (the positive spirit has that and more facts to it and can make one accept one there too), that's what one can get in the UK, while dropping in that huge winter hole in Finland and around and with not global English - having those two lacks is not feeling solid, safe, comfortable to the amount the UK feels where one is in the pocket of as the basic things are okay and generally one should value the basic stuffs the most, though they won't be the most fitting place for people who have other places more fitting to their personality even if the basic things are somewhat worse there, and even to those to who(m) it's not all that personal, could pick something where their situation and doings figure to get a more happy life, and I could sure see more sunny places than the UK for one to pick if one can take more or less the full goods of what they can offer. But to me, being a old man, those things are for young people and so I am taking the rock solid sick old man's place to grow still older and die, and I am not ignoring the 20-30 years I still will have there. The UK; the weather being good enough (below pain level) and being with global English, both producing a solid foundation and one can see and feel the positive spirit of the whole picture and place.

Will I be happy in the UK? My happiness seems to be in the Italian persona that I am not ready to take and the UK from the weather point is just the same as Finland/Helsinki except that the winter half is like 10C warmer and the summer half is just the same and I am not sure if even the summer half here is happiness other than from the point that life is hard and one might prefer to take the solid comfortable things, that I am not going to get the best of it in Finland as the flats are noisy and cold - and the winter half is too bad. In theory(,) the UK might be the best option in the EU and it fits to me too and so there is a reason to think I might be happy there. But, if I keep feeling sad about the UK option and get a possibility to go in Italy or even in Malta if that's not sad (I could handle the bads only by being happy. Though I am not sure I would get a job worth doing if any or/and the nationality in Malta, in case they figure to kick me back in Finland on pension. The salaries seem to be half there as they are semi-poor but the living costs the usual, it seems, as everything is imported and people have said something about the level of costs though the flats might cost less especially at cheaper areas - also the south Italian flats cost less - and they have only salt water and no garbage system possibly and where they would put all the garbage anyway? It's an unnecessarily small place with up to likely bad flattings with all the problems in the book and some more. Everyone needs a work permit that tells something about how easy it's to get a work (from) there it seems, and one would need to know much more to take that work even if one would get it, while getting some wanted job figures extra hard and even if one needs no job from there one needs to find out if it's really worth it). But if I don't get options there is nothing else I can do but go in the UK, where I should be going anyway and not listen an absolutely irrational feeling that doesn't know anything about anything but just keeps being sad or happy though not that it doesn't have its positive feelings about the goods in the UK and that it isn't worried about the bads in e.g. Italy, but deep down it's against the UK by being deeply sad while about Italy/Italian it's deeply happy. But all these are relevant only when they are possible and based on realities, but instead they are based on personal absolutes at their very best and in an emotional misunderstanding in the worst case. They should not exist anymore as all details as well as realities have been looked into and they all give green light to the UK. But still, I don't want to lack happiness and instead be sad if I don't have to, so I will see if I can do anything about the realities and pick something else than the UK (that actually feels to be a good pick, except on the bottom of one or so inner feeling), as well as I will have to try to work with the irrational one as it's being stupid and unreasonable. The UK is the best place in the EU with a great weather and it's protected even from global warming, and the economics are good and the language is the best and there is more action than in the whole (of) universe, it being a dream come true, just lacking some beaching in the too hot weathers and possibly unclean and up to dangerous and expensive waters. The UK is basically a perfect place compared to all the lesser options in the EU with uncomfortably hot summers up to six months of the year and high buildings built side by side (also the option of even pink and much less a white zone might not be there where one might want to live to have some action as well as get a job) and more or less bad salary and economics likely even in the north as Milan seems to have bad salaries. And how difficult it's to get up to any work and how to get better than that is beyond anyone, and then be white there and live in the noisy and cold flats, and being a burnout and not okay and needing to suffer all those problems and learn Italian too that is useless and I don't possibly even feel like using it in my lower energy recovery states (to enjoy Italian when not so in the state that is open to it, one might need a normal heightened state of awareness where one sees the text better as the state is more intense, focused in a specific way, it being a better visual connection [I would not be happy about English with that nor experience any heightened state of awareness nor need one] - to Italian maybe [I think I was already well enough focused like with English text seeing it just fine - relatively speaking without fail] - and also relates to energy. If one is opened to an Italian state or at a related persona, then one figures to enjoy it in up to any state) that I need

Though not that Italian sucks in a way English just might suck but is clear instead or so it seems as it's only the difference in written forms and English as pronounced can easily be even much better, and it could be written something like: car - car, bus - bas, run - ran, cat (the a more or less has its reasons to be or or so depending on/of where and with who(m) it is with - here it's in the beginning and as hard, but not as the first letter where it only might be an or so, favoring to be an there, like it does at any other point of the word than in the beginning though how it's at the end parts of the words is secondary to the nature of the vowels where they all more or less like to be 's as it seems they think it might add to the smoothness and it's cool to be so though I don't think it's up to but muddy) - cat, all (some of the time maybe all consonants have magic and it helps to be aware (of) where that possibility exists) - (o)ol, dog - do(o)g, God - Gu(u)d ("god," "gaad" or perhaps some muddy combination as they have no better idea of how to deal with the situation), green (I wonder if there is some reason they use that specific -"ii"- combination here) - gri(i)n,

Like in Italian, one can get away with not using long vowels as written, it being just one rule among other rules though (it) makes it somewhat tougher as there is often some lone vowel at a non-rule spot that's actually a long one - many dictionaries do not mark it though they should and one should buy only dictionaries that (do) mark them, similarly like one should look in(to) (in) what way the English words give the pronunciation(s) as well as one should use just some 8-16K dictionary when learning so it's less work to deal with useful words though there will be some lacks even with usual words as they don't make top quality dictionaries with less than too many words in them, much less when they are maybe like 1k, 3k, 5k, 8k, 12k (one should not add too many words when the earlier words still need to get stronger and starting with the more and more basic words with the smaller dictionaries is nice) - as a series the bigger ones having the smaller ones' words - very very core and useful words in them and with flash cards and of the verb and other forms too and all words maybe in groups (cards/book) ("gru:p;" why not the sort of usual "graup?" g-r-p?). Then it would be nice to understand the language too like why it's like it is and what is its nature and why it's written and pronounced as it is and some future views of the suggested improvements.

black (maybe should have a two letter combo that it though here sort of has) - blak, auto - (o)otou (why au is oo? Some combos needs to be just made perhaps but still), house (why the -e?) - haus, mickey mouse - miky maus, read (rede!? No -a- problem) - ri(i)d (ii combination might not look good - I don't know about that - like in Italian the long vowels are not written while in English ii is written in many different ways), write - (w?)rait, right - rait, written - (w?)ritan, station - steis(sh/(s)si/ci)an, brain (brane - c(r)ane, grape. The 4-letter words look more like Italian words when written and Italian figures to have less two vowel combinations [written] and that way the language might look more pretty or/and simple or clear and could be used in English but pronounced them as in English, it being the "soft" way) - brein, rainy (rany? Not an e-end but might look more simple) - reiny, b(e[a])utiful - bju(u)tifal/-ful (two up to more ways to write and pronounce is acceptable though much of them are borderline letters/combinations of letters not exactly some clear letter though much of that is problematic as it's muddy and it's just a result of the rounding, of the wrong way to write it (except if one pronounces it more or less as it is like at -ment, -ful, -son, -an=n and one might be more or less bold with the rest though they might semi-automatically round to the direction of the and in some cases to something else and then there are endings and words of course that are written simply up to horribly wrong though some 2-3 vowel combinations then are more or less ignored and at the end they simply become 1-2 where the last(s) of them figure to be an "") - and some end is so very close of the way it's pronounced that is has found its way to the dictionaries in a big way and then the vowels overall also are often or even generally some combinations of other vowels as well as possibly because of the place where they are with whatever other letters. The overly fine points are hardly an issue currently as English is pronounced in so many ways and in many more ways when added the people to who(m) it's not the mother tongue). The world would not only have written clarity - plus an added experience of clarity and lightness/ease and beauty and up to some forms of love and good will, purity - but they would pronounce it better and people save energy, time, money and worry in learning and using and maybe somewhat in brain use even when it's the mother tongue. Italian has picked the written forms (of English) as the way to pronounce them too and one is to figure if that is a better way to pronounce English and if it is, then one might from that part absolute point of view renounce English, and if English is better as pronounced then one from that part absolute point of view might renounce Italian (not because it's grammatically more complex as that is not the core Italian. Italian could be made more simple though it's not necessarily better then from the absolute point of view of life but could serve as a base language for global needs in case English is put in garbage, that I don't think is the move to be made as Italian is less smooth and more a fitting Fi/Ti language than a Fe/Te language that figures basically fine with English as it's pronounced, though the lost vowel killed something beautiful and so still remains an open question where one needs to focus on English as it's pronounced / written as pronounced and then try to see if English is better or not than some other language (also seeing it as written pronounced and not only single words but bigger wholes too and as the core language too if possible). The likely best global move is to write English as it's pronounced simply because it's the more smooth language. Life has a lot of different sounds, emotions, personas but the global pick can't be made just based on some type of personas, some level of sounds, some level and type of emotions and I don't think Italian fits the global mind the best (though it might divide the world together with other languages that have their own personas), meaning that dropping the last vowel of the word was an improvement, that needed the perversion of the words as a whole also. The final improvement is to write English correctly. In the future, the whole base of the language might be changed to better fit to the words where the end vowel is not there [it's not there really in the four letter words either] as the options have been limited when they started to pervert the words to better fit the round profile. It's strange that the words might look more rounded when they end in vowels like about all Italian words do but when one rounds the pronunciation that's no more the case). With a full absolute point of view one might have to pick them both in one way or the other (e.g. English pick has Italian in it too but in a more smooth improved way, so one is not really renouncing Italian but takes its more advanced form and finds something else to fill the missing Italian on the emotional level and moves one's likings from rigid written forms to the written forms as they are pronounced) but basically it's to be one way or the other, not a mixture when it improves nothing but makes things worse and so is unacceptable and should as soon as possible be stopped and put in jail. It's perhaps fine to have some English words pronounced more or less more like written but from most parts it's to be written as it's pronounced as that is the main English, and to make the change as simple as possible and still good enough there is no need to change it more than I have done here and though there are some rules in English the vowels still have two ways and that's bad (a becomes e(i) becomes i(i) becomes a(i) becomes o, becomes (e)u/(j)u becomes a (a, , ; o, ei, e-, -i,), and without that there is then from that part no need for double consonants either, and when the vowel is pronounced as it's written as a - that's good enough - but it's not to be pronounced so also when it's some other vowel as they do in English and then no one knows how some vowel in some word is to be pronounced as well as if someone pronounced it no one will know how it's to be written and so all these vowel and vowel related changes are an absolute must and not an option. If people want to pronounce e.g. u as a, that's sort of fine as long as that's the only way that produces the "a" and some other letter (symbol) then stands as "u" but as we have this world like it is, it's best for global reasons to use them as they mainly are used that an a="a" and u="u." All symbolic combinations (like -ti(o)-/-(s)si(o)-, -tu-, (wr-?)) need some thinking of how they should be written/pronounced; as a usual combination of usual letters and sounds or as something different - if that's better.

Maybe the "soft" forms in English are a lot worse than when one simply writes the words more like they are pronounced, and originally they must have been in some sort of a mess (seems they kicked the last vowel off and the words then got automatically perverted) and had to invent the soft forms and other things instead of writing the words as they are pronounced. And it all makes sense only half so even when one understands the basic contents of English, and so one is left only with the pronunciation as something complete enough and even that has muddy complications and not only at the end of the words but much at many points and it's not possible to know how some words are to be pronounced and written. So, as things are so incomplete, it seems it's best not to start using such a language till it gets improved to a complete one even if its pronunciation as a smooth version of Italian is an improvement. And if one gets delights from/of some other language, complete or not (same for English then), one is better to pick it and leave English and other languages to grow till they can be accepted. Italian has done a good job in producing a good product and as far as I know (there are many more languages to be known but they are less likely very good as they are not more popular and modern) it's the best currently (and almost 100% English). The artificial languages might in cases look good but I haven't seen one that sounds good also. I have no such problems with Italian (though it won't sound good or/and fit to every persona - and it unlikely fits to every persona as well as English - but at least it's clean and won't generally sound horrible) though it might not be as smooth as I would like.

and learning it is a huge job and prevents recovery and will be a limitation in the life there as well as those countries might have many limitations, like Italy has, and then one is going to be reborn anywhere around that and up to a majority of the time it's up to very bad. Even if one could get oneself in a country like that (and trying doesn't figure worth the effort as it's simply a waste of time, energy and money and one might not even get there until one is ready to work anything if even then and the quality of life and all is just bad and a lot of stress and pains), one's life there would be more or less worse and up to bad. I can only hope I can get my hands on that moron - likely I won't - and get it give up of its sadness though I think I see there are some persona and absolute reasons for picking Italy and Italian in my case (as well as it might be related to the depression that I also know) but the language and the place doesn't figure to have anything to do with it but I don't see I am so happy in the summer half in Finland, just that it's not bad and there are no problems about the hot weather (that's even worse when my left is more unloaded as it needs to be when I am trying to get healed and might have to live like so all my life though can't then study Italian in Italy until doing so and wasting those years for nothing and then having trouble still with Italian and the further healing can't start as instanty after years of language study ends to getting the nationality, while in a left unloaded state I am that much hotter that the UK is even more perfect, like tailored for/to me - though these are no absolute reasons but just relative ones and the moron deals with the absolutes or/and with a misunderstood depression connection). Life might be just about avoiding the pain, not about finding some secret paradise from some other country and language based on options of some stupid prick that says just that one should get such qualities in one's life wherever one is at and not be so prickly and pick some small details in languages and countries of being for or against and make them the whole world when they are just small details and can easily be even worse as a whole and probably are. Getting the life in the UK is as good as it gets in the EU, and more so to an old sick man like me. Why would my feelings need the language and the place for it when it's about the Deities? Italian for a bit longer time has already been more down, though with some digging and personality it figures to be up again but making it so might not be good as it figures to be bad for me as a whole. The UK as a place has got a positive spirit more clearly, that being there as a fact and is no fiction compared to Finland. Also, English is now more accepted though not that the mess of it is producing anything but a feeling of it needing cleaning - one could do that and look at the more clean words and as English then is more acceptable, there will be no reason to put Italian as dominating as longs as one is not crazy about Italian and can't get it down even after like five years and by improving one's liking of English as much as seems possible. And finally one might be just crazy about English (as a nature) and the UK (as weather) and all that is to the top of the rational (material) goods in the UK and the ready language for e.g. communications and its globality and other global things possibly being better in the UK. Then, if one is careful (not to fall in love too deeply and dominantly at least not before having the base more important goods stronger than what the matters of the less heavy emotions ever could be), one might be able to add some goods of holidays and other languages as well as other Deity goods; emotional and related goods. The UK is just about the perfect pick for me in this life in spite of the lacks on beaching possibilities and some lacks in the weather and language. The fact of sadness is my problem, though not that it isn't real and not that it wouldn't be the easiest to pick something where I am happy instead, but that will be with too much of a lose and it's up to a good idea to deal with the personal problem especially as the cost of doing so here is a small one for me as I get so many goods; I get sadness but I get many good things too and a possibility of improving on the sadness issue. Other than the sadness, I do feel happy things too about the UK though they are not very strong or on the surface more strong and so more close and more important, and I feel comfortable things and doings things about the UK, and all in all the UK is a great pick for me, just need to take the sadness and I get the rewards. In the next life I have the whole world as an option and so possibly getting such a great base as the UK or possibly e.g. France for the next life will help and there is not necessarily any major reason to move away from France if one is (born) there. I might still try to get in Italy if I get healed enough (that is unlikely but this is not only about Italy but also about general view, persona and about how bad I would feel in the UK - that has possibly more or less to do with the persona) because I am between the head and unsupported feelings. If I can't as it seems get over the deep sadness and related about going in the UK (and dropping the happier options), I am not going to be the next 40 years (starting from now) (plus the next life's up to first half and possibly more) badly sad but will think about the UK only if everything else fails. I have the UK figured out from basics so there won't be too much to prepare if I then have to finally pick it, though I might then just stay in Finland and have winter holidays in case I am well enough to handle them or I pick some less hot place for winter holidays, though it might have just 4 or 5 suns so I don't know about that. I only know I feel much better and the world outside looks (much) brighter and my awareness expanded/liberated and the juice of life flows in a good way in me after having dropped the UK and so picking the whole pack of more or less happier options.

I know what is the path to take to recover and I am taking that (that then heals the body more or less too, or it doesn't). I know that the same path goes much together with a healthy emotional attention and healing as a side product too, healing the emotional things too, and I know to value the emotional health. The unloading is about the mental and that is the main thing for me to take care of on the mental area. On the personaliity level, who is going to make a decision based on personal likings when one is on both sides of the case; based on some personal likings as more or less extra doings over some absolute fractions (or/and personality) that more or less, sooner or later one possibly is supposed to support - at least when there are better reasons for it than just emotions based on fractional facts seen as the whole world. It's easier to have just one personality or/and persona as when one has more than one, one needs to find things that fit to it and it's more difficult (in cases sort of impossible) and when making decisions one needs to know more and find answers to difficult questions. Just knowing what one likes and what one is will not be enough.

Something again changed in the world, this time making it practically impossible for me to go in Italy. The deal had got worse and worse during the last few years a bit by bit every time I had overcome a new problem but this time I can't overcome a too big of a lack. This time it didn't change my temporary decision as a day before I was already supporting the UK from much part for the reason of picking doings and a day later I am being dropped out of half of it in Italy (though some hope is for something still) and I can't drop half of my doings as they are all my life as doings; I could limit them somewhat to get something better instead as a whole, but this time there is nothing Italy can offer for it to offer me enough. Even if that would change back, it still wouldn't be enough according to my current preferences and I would need to see more changes in the world to change the balance again in favor of something else than the UK.

But it seems a persona preference (with a place or weather though) might be stronger than a place and doings, and the UK for me is IP while my preference is under the EP (at this moment at ESTP - that might not feel the Italian language delight at this moment(,) though not that it's against it(,) but just the weather and EP and so it's possibly not that I have to pick Italian according to it though it might be a necessary part in making my head okay over English - but that has been and can be SeFi as well as up to S-NeFi - because of Italian though SeFi Italian is complete to itself too - it seems and all of them are different - and I have been at them up to as a persona too - and have their own likings though all under the EP and as Enlightenments it might not be hard to figure why one's preferences might then be under the EP), though just as under (not taking a note of whatever persona one might be) or/and x-under (x-being so), but still that is the Place/x-place, and it's not in the UK it seem, though that might not make sense that the UK is not EP too, but that's what happens to me for some reason at this time, and the reason seems from half to more part to be about weather though not that I get that IP in Finland as if I would then I might not feel any change to more IP when I am picking the UK (that because of my views or the UK too looks more dark - plus other feelings - even on pictures than more sunny or so places) but just to more EP when I am picking Italy or some other better weather pick, e.g. SeFi liked Australia too and would have liked Spain too but couldn't digest Spanish. My Italy and Italian was semi-dead already as my recovery speed hasn't been fast enough and though Italy had an up it was put to its dead when it killed more or less half of my doings, and it hasn't got up happily since then even with the EP preference as it's up to too late. Getting some distance to the UK too because of the EP preference; I am somewhere in between, there not being a decision at this point other than English would have its place at this point. The UK doesn't fit into my current idea of a priority place for my case as I want to see, feel and live my life. Though like half of it is not based on facts it seems but on gut/unsupported feelings. Picking the most aggressive option, I would not pick the UK even in this life, it being a too depressive option, no matter what the numbers say, though counting all small things together, it does add up. That for this life could mean I stay in Finland if I don't get healed enough and if I do, I go in Italy, up to Malta (too windy? Sunset 8:19 PM - Rome 8:46, Genoa 9:10 - more winter light then, with 5h sunshine) - or so but no other options because of the possible need of the nationality - though all that needs major healing that hasn't been happening. But I am not going to pick the UK but my preferences whether I get to go somewhere or not, my preferences being more important and they don't seem to fit in the UK (more like Finland anyway during the summer half and as still a pretty dark winter) but seem more like it being against them and if I could go in the UK, it might not be impossible for me to go somewhere else then too. I have checked the death in Finland and it's fine with me, and I would be moving away from the UK too. With my preferences, I don't have enough reasons to go in the UK, it not giving me enough.

The major reason for not having been able to make the right decision earlier was that I was being disturbed by inner and outer disturbances that took the subtle away as well as put more weight on security (and people though that wasn't an issue in the city center and the balance too helps), but I got one month of right inner (including balance) and outer conditions, like all the variety of weathers too but most importantly there was no outer disturbance for one month and it was enough for me to make my decision at this point and it actually should have been relatively clear though there was unloading, balance, further facts, city center to be experienced too, and finally (while it was heavy from inner and white area of a point from 11/2009 already with a change in personality that much from SeFi too that was the inventor of Italy and Italian) it was getting the right conditions. The next day the outer disturbance was back so I didn't get the time to adjust but I got the decision. It's also harder for me to evaluate the life in the red core as this is not an ideal flat for the evaluation that needs peace and good life. In a situation where one has to either suffer or go in the UK to suffer less, it's a pretty easy decision. I like the good weather and would like to pick likely some specific pink area to enjoy Life too and together it figures to be a relatively good life, something one is missing in Finland about all the time though I will try to pick some good combo area sooner or later if I will have to stay here all my life though not that I have to be here all year around and I can somewhat move around here too, though the best is about where one lives.

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