Brahma Yoga - F-Meaning
|As a Thinking oriented I didn't
feel any meaninglessness for nine years, 1996-2005, but
then my parents got old (last year(s)), I got middle
aged, 36-37 (not young anymore and getting older), and I
became major uncomfortably aware as then a feeling
oriented (a hard start when one needs to deal with many
major f-problems, many that more or less can't even be
solved, just more or less tolerated) - started from
dropping mentality (half a year before actually, but then
it was only about social lacks) - that I had major lacks
at my social life (plus the age and the death.
Personally, the first can be a bother when one gets at
middle age, especially if one has any kind of major
lacks, the second, personally, also before that. But one
can more or less be at ease with them both as they are
just schedules, something one very much needs to be aware
of when planning life, but that's the only personal
factor for them. Losing close relatives is on the picture
of social lacks, the f-meaning) and so I also run into
the Feeling meaning of life, that also horribly led me
into the deeper views of (f&t) meaninglessness, that
can also be a by-product of the lacks in social life (or
maybe the social gives some F for the problem not to
This whole problem is seated in the heart and contains many things, and it's maybe about accepting the pain of the lack of anything on the heart, or it was rooted to the meaninglessness only, not even about social, though that's the way it seemed to start while it has also its own territory). It seems one needs to have enough feeling stimulus, while much is in action, it's f-action actually, and social, specificly L4, but all Deities are important. Preferably meaningful and ultimately complete. So there's still more, absolutely important, to the Meaning of life. After about two months I however seemed to transcend about the whole major heart (L4) thing and lost about all major problems here, at a moment of lets say social unease (loneliness; social as well as existential, together with meaninglessness), not even a big one, I just kind of accepted the pain (or kept my 'position', both); after experiencing and seeing and adjusting the heart, family, social, middle age, old age, death, deeper meaninglessness, the meaningless another life (it's the same) and all matters related to this problem. I said to myself that I am not going to move by it any more; I have seen, done and adjusted what I can, and now, I will keep my 'posture' (my presence) and take the f-emptiness (L4 and whatever), the total meaninglessness and everything, then it did pain (and some hot) on my heart, but seeing my attitude, stopped. The whole thing took like ten seconds.
This phenomenon of transcendence is part of the common laws (known, partly). Usually one should not 'face' psychological pains as they are by-products of loads, defects, facts (at least not understood, while the facts in a way can change like magic: a fact depends also partly of our attitude/magic towards it), and the Deities will increase counter power, that loads, and the fact (a Deity reaction, as it should by the laws of its Dharma) will not transcend. But there are some exceptions like silly things, and deeper things like this mine. It's a question of the whole Dharma of life. But what happened to me was that the next day there was neither meaning nor meaninglessness, and I could not even understand that there are such things; I couldn't see anything about them, so I could not be bothered about them either (maybe they were blocked to protection, or as it seems, too, I increased the tolerance together with living at ease with the horror of meaninglessness). Also the social things went to the back seat, I could not feel major unease about them.
So, it's in the heart (social and the possible fiction of meaning/meaninglessness - when there's no meaning there's no meaninglessness, the meaning being the possible fiction. And being in 'position' can play a part here as a 'place'; there are many mental 'places'). Before that I could see everything about meaninglessness and social lacks so clearly, so very clearly, but not the next day, and it wasn't one of those cover/fill it up days, but there was nothing to (over) cover/fill. The story and understanding of course always continues; this is now, but as far as the (over) problem returning comes, there is this (known) method, more or less understanding and L/life has some ways to adjust.
It's obvious that the meaning of life is on Dharma that comes especially from the left Deities, and the feeling of meaningfulness (and its opposite) comes from action, that is f-action. We always have Deity motivations both with 'mere' desires as with "more divine" motivations, and in that sense we can never feel meaninglessness, or f-meaninglessness, as it would be non-Dharmic and just simply against life. This is the religion, faith, God - Life, and there's nothing beyond life, and who ever looks beyond life finds only (f-)meaninglessness, or unhappiness. If one's current state of being is not happy enough to 'just' living, then one needs to improve one's being/state, up to the point of perfect being. The meaning is H/here one way and the other; now and there.
After three months from the beginning of the most dominant heart (loses) views the mind/understanding has got still more up to date
from the more intense views of the heart (when one is more at left/feeling/heart), that needs the supporting understanding from the mind/understanding, and it (R2+) is a part of our whole understanding (feelings plus other Deities connected to the Xmind, superego; Superego as a whole, personal f-wisdom). About the fact of not being young anymore and partly more so of getting older, that it's still finding a better understanding to accept (one maybe should feel natural about it, having overall a comfortable life, so no problem, but I just am not ready yet, maybe because I should have 'dropped' mentality five years earlier), but it has made good progress in accepting the old age loses and the death of other people,
and from my part I just has to accept the lose; it's the way of life and one can be at ease with it, or otherwise one is not wise about it. And about social loses (or whatever for that matter but it's still a bigger thing), one just has to live with what one got at the moment and be relatively at ease with it; that's wise, though I have not overcome much of the many heart pains at this point (I though have ways to get it more or less covered, and life should be able to adjust in case it gets unbearable; at this point it however seems that I have stuff to learn before my heart will be at ease, and maybe my system learns too). About the meaninglessness of life, it's not true; there's no such thing as a meaning (all troubles here are from other reasons, not because of the meaning, that should be called a "meaningfulness," a feeling, that comes from the Deities, that are the meaning, the meaningfulness as a feeling, and when they are not happy, the heart, they give a feeling of a missing meaningfulness, so they do need a meaning, they are speaking and saying that something is missing that they need to be happy), so there can not be its opposite either, other than as a 'negative' feeling. Life is all there is and we are a part of it, and one could call it a happy thing, life being a kind of synonymous to a happy thing (life, living, energy, being); it is wise to view, see/understand life as so.
Life is like a "box", we are in(side), and meaninglessness is about not being happy about being in that kind of a situation, while wisdom here is about being at (relative) ease in it. When one can be at ease with there being no "box meaning;" then one starts to see the meaning in meaninglessness (the box meaning is an illusion of the heart not being in a happy situation as far as our Xmind together with the Deities figure, the Xmind being not wise enough, and the heart being right as it has needs, Dharma needing to be complete, and seeing what's missing the heart is not happy, and not only that but at pain, speaking, though together with the Xmind, but the heart is clearly right, just not sure about the amount of the pain), like when I more or less accepted the f-emptiness and was still there, this rest of the thing being a bigger view of the same thing; one still is whether there is a "meaning" or not, and then one starts to see what is left and gets more at ease with the S/situation that's life. We have to be at tone understanding with Life (that we too are), like (and that too) with the Dharma (that we too are) not the other way (a)round (superego, Xmind); that's much of what this f-wisdom is about.
The "meaning" is about the heart seeking a 'home' and a 'family.' When one lacks those, there is a 'vast emptiness' where the presence of those more or less should be, and when they are not enough here, there's 'f-emptiness', that feels as more or less loneliness and "meaninglessness." Other presences e.g. the Brahmanic Awareness is presence and home, in a cosmic way, while any other presences as well make one feel at home and/or family, though they might not stop the S/seeking, and when those (good to one) presences are there, one's f-attention is dominantly H/here, then one/the heart might not seek something outside of it, though presences (and the lacks) become more or less nirvanic with time. The heart's needs are a part of the Dharma; we should try to understand them, and beware of covering them with too much (t-)action.
As a T one more or less likes the solitude aloneness of space emptiness, but as an F the lacks of it more or less start to bother. Now there's Brahma Awareness too, so for me it's still easier to simply exist, as long as the F-meaning doesn't jump in. While I also like the simple basic life, living on a sensor (more or less feeling - non-mental feeling) mode, something that has attraction to many T-loaded people, and one reason they are interested about stuff like Z/zen for example, while with the Brahma Awareness there's not even "Z/zen," but just simple basic sensor life, something needed to decrease the mental loads.
When one is somewhat more on the right (Sahaja Yoga left-middle-right) it causes more action, and much of our meaning comes from those desires (when that's mostly what we have been), that so get more power when one is somewhat more on the right. While one is somewhat more on the left, the action desires get weaker, partly causing the lose of meaning, that I call "action meaning" here. Being more out of action starts to move one to the left, as well as loading more something at left (e.g. L6 more than R2 or other action) cause somewhat the same, also when one is somewhat more at left one feels many left things (maybe more so those that one does not want - I have an idea that some conditionings, some though are more or less Deity needs, could be changed to better like that, while when at right they are covered, one never getting to the point of getting them changed - this can be the only place where using the "suppressed" term in its false definition might be right, while generally suppression is about the only way to get rid of anything) at left more strongly, also one generally gets more dreamy (L6) when at left, while when somewhat more at right the action impulses, including logic (R2), starts to dominate more. There is some work to be done at left especially for those coming from the right, it taking time to get used to, adjust, learn, balance; I think generally to make it a better Place to be at; and it can be beneficial, though there's much that needs to get better before this (part of the) heart will be a happy Place to be at. Not counting my mere loads (mental and sexual), this seems to be the only thing (a Dharmic and a situational thing) for me to try to handle now (I am not all optimistic, this being about people, death, emptiness, loneliness, getting older, meaninglessness, like facing the ultimate loses and the heart pains. I also see the rest of my life and the death.
and logically I can handle this remaining journey, but this is about the heart - like partly about the past lifes conditionings and partly about heart's needs), it being all in this (part of the) heart (with the other part - it seems SiFe - I can handle it seems anything as it's optimistic, but it seems to lead to action and action is bad for my mental loads, while I likely need to deal with these it seems SeFi problems - when not on that mode I can't much understand nor see these mentioned problems that pop up when ever enough nonactivity of the mind has been there, while SiFe can pop up too and then cover it, but that's not going to handle/eliminate these SeFi problems, and not likely my mental loads), and it includes a lot of things, all mentioned, many heart pains.
I think it's about extroverted sensing with feeling (Fi) (personality groups more or less at EP and IJ), and that Place in my life is not happy (or the Brahma Awareness is there, but this is about exited/good action/feeling at this my "other" Place); while when I am exited about something in 'my' life of actions, I am at introverted sensing with feeling (Fe) mode (IP has that not all strong but like tea with milk, while EJ has that at the very top, no milk, it being more excited, up to ecstatic), the Place where my life is happy (it too can be in the heart though the 'home' aspect from L3 is strong) - it then covers the other Place (my 'unconscious') and all I feel is good, about everything being there well, being so comfortable in that Place. Though when that 'action' life is not at comfort level, there will be pain, but generally that place at least in my life feels good, having things well at that area - including E/enlightenments as they cover also the 'personal' (Si) well B/being (Fe); that's why I feel so good at that area (at 'my' area). Later the impact of extroverted sensing with feeling somewhat started to mix (disturb) in to it (the personal well being being then more nirvanic) (socially not my fault; people on this planet being what they are), and then later (2004-5) more personally with "no action" the personal life's other side (the outer side) starts to dominate (when ever more on that mode, though its 'need' gets to be clear and a part of the whole), wanting things personally (SeF) better at the extroverted sensing with feeling world. While it's quite a different persona too (partly going up to exactly the opposite directions), and one needs to consult also from other Places to see the whole picture better, to make better decisions; often more balanced (more intelligent, more wise) but one also needs to consider the extremes of how much (and how long at the time) one is better to lean on this or that direction (at some specific M/moment it's not all wise to be at balance as life and its needs fluctuate between more or less extremes, while to get to a B/balance one needs to be more or less extreme).
After 3.5 months the mind as well as the body has become more soft (the f-'dominating', though at 5.0 months it was at one point like an S-Si body, not soft, but I have been changing a lot these days from a mere idea connected to e.g. S-Si factor, while the softer was not an idea), the outer look has more changed. 'Ni' is less, and as I am and have to use 'Se' as well as 'T' and has liking to both S(e/i) and 'Fi', there's action at my EP, as well as 'Te' and 'Fe' being more up because of the lesser Ni (and Si, and Te). At home when not doing anything I often feel most comfortable somewhere at Fe (in my case it would be kind of INFp, but I am not at Ni here, but I just like the Fe comfort, then the Fe is more strongly present when doing T stuff
While outside/'outside' it could be EP - with this 'mind dropping' - actually started more or less to dominate about half a year before as SeFi pop up but still more with 'dropping' - I am more at outside world than before, and I got more already with Brahma Awareness, and before that with W&C, so this is a big factor, while as Enlightened I just might not fully fit into these categories similarly, but I still rate to fit. EP is not that good for me because of my current SeFi problem, while I am not at the moment thinking I could have a better personality there, but that's a matter of the current needs and doings), instead of at NiTe as I would have before as an INTp, so this is one of the most clear (though SeFi happened first though its first appearance was half a year earlier) changes from 'dropping' the mind (plus the middle channel and the additional - extra or change - growth in the head and the better balance). I don't have all that defined personality group at the moment (I am pretty sure I will in a way remain an INTp, knowing this from my abilities though at later age - 37 - and with all these enlightenments I also have more Se and more F(e/i) than I used to have, while I might be more at F [especially if one keeps 'dropping the mind'], and S, but still my abilities, talents, stay the same as when an INTp, though it might not stay so for 100 years, and the new Place is at effect immediately. It just remains to be seen what's the most fitting Place for me). I think my 'Fe' feelings are what are good (from being an INTp) but this (that I have also heart problems with and an uncomfort reason for often liking to be at Fe instead, when at home, more so alone) is about 'Fi' feelings; 'Se' is about extroverted sensing.
The above is the situation I faced and I am still facing (4.x months). It has the middle age for it and the meaninglessness that's still there, just a bit differently as it was 1st mostly connected to social lacks I might see. There are many things to middle age (plus losing parents, and the lacks of one's social life) and one is the stopping of the future (I might have some 35 decent years left [sure it's clear it's all over, considering my last 10 years that went faster than I could see], though getting older and older on the process, that's one problem in the face of others I see, that one should be able to digest but for many it doesn't seem to happen, so might be something one gets somewhat used to but needs to suffer the rest of one's life). At middle age - in my case 37 in this case - one sees the younger people - even just 7-10, or even 5 years younger - really young, it being clear one is not young anymore, while one does not see the older people old anymore, but just as humans, no age. Then about the social life that's somehow connected to the 'vast emptiness' on the meaninglessness problem, there's nostalgic feeling from here and there about the past and what's not here now, the lose of warm, close, live human contacts, that's then also together with losing parents for example, and the more or less social emptiness of one's life, and the life that has about ended already, while if there would be warm and complete social contacts and the life would have a meaning or at least feel meaningful (the final awakening seems to be to 'vast emptiness', no meaning), the getting older and the death (that's still unsolved, so remains to be a problem) would be more or less easy to accept. The meaningless is that all is empty, there being nothing but emptiness all around, and that's meaninglessness. The last awakening to that happens when the separation from the meaningfulness feeling coming from the pleasure/pain of f-actions is seen, though in those f-actions the feeling of meaningfulness more or less is there, but out of it it's emptiness, and that's hard to tolerate, like being alone, lonely more or less was and is, them being somehow related. All this happened when the heart faced the SeFi world together with old parents for example. So, I figure the SeFi needs a meaning to its life like any other personality function, and is the driving force in its needs or so, the meaning as well as people out there being under the same SeFi view.
The biggest problem is the meaninglessness as one needs a motive to have a meaningful life, but there's none in vast emptiness (until one gets so used to life at it that it somehow feels so much at ease that one feel considerably less meaninglessness or feels lack of action instead, but it remains to be seen - if not in this life then in some other in case there's any - what this meaninglessness that feels absolutely horrible even as a minor notion is going to become - it's in a way more horrible than worst loneliness or lack of warm social contacts nostalgic related to losing/death, though they too feel horrible, even more so, but meaninglessness is something so much existentially deep as it's about the whole future while nostalgic stuff etc. are just loses, not something one can lose one's entire meaningfull future from] or too much lack of action of what one or one's system can handle at the moment), there only being all those feelings one gets in actions (and any greeds that also give feelings of there being some meaning, because one is aiming to achieve something, but that's not the meaning, just something), that give one a feeling of Life (and one needs enough of those, also from social life, to feel it enough, as any lack shows more or less the vast emptiness, that feels horrible at one point), but they come from Deities as they tell what they feel from pleasure to pain; what's the meaning in that? So, there's emptiness and then those f-phenomenons (and mind greeds) in that empty space, but one can't all see here that those f-actions are enough to fill the meaning of life, not for the reason, just for the emotions. Is it that life really is so meaningless, that all there are are those f-action pleasures? And why is it that one can't be at ease at vast emptiness, or can one be, like forever, just being at void, no feeling of meaninglessness, just being there at ease, having at least one's own presence there, and maybe dreams of coming f-actions that give a feeling of meaningfulness to this empty moment. Can't know yet all of it, and there's not much life left in this life to come to know it completely or at all, though I will get still wiser here as I see more.
But at the core what's the question, it's asking if the pleasures are enough to give one a permanent feeling of meaningfulness; it doesn't rationally, or does it; I while ago was thinking that if one becomes a feeling oriented, then maybe it's enough and that's what I need to be and become. While the feeling of meaninglessness might disappear, then no feeling of meaningfulness is really needed, or as there's f-action and greeds, there seems to be the feelings of meaningfulness, so the lack will be felt (at least now) as meaninglessness, while that is also connected to social lacks and nostalgic feeling about warm human relation, and human life in general, and all other things mentioned. So, what's still missing here is more experience and maybe then together with analyses, a more or less complete answers about all things can be given, and I am sure there are the right answers, and then it's much easier to be at ease with these problems, even if the answers are not what one wants, though I rate to be somewhat positive about them, even if I have to see the next life or more before I will feel at relative ease about these things. And then we will need the answers to the question if there is some sort of life for us after the death, the rebirth for example as I and others so generally think, but we do not know for sure, and we will need to know at some point, though it's not critical as whatever happens happens, it making no difference to that happening if we know it or not, other than the possibility of rebirth not being there, would change quite a few things, as much of what I do in this life is based to view that the next life starts immediately after this ends. But the most important question (to me) now, is the existential feeling of meaning, that's the biggest need for me, while there are those other problems mentioned, that also need to be good, so that the SeFi heart can feel at ease, finally putting my whole being from any major parts at complete ease.
But together with meaninglessness, I am suffering from social lacks, and then the loses of parents, other people, my younger life, and the coming lose of what's remaining; all together the lack of enough meaning in my life, that from one part I need to do something about, and from the other part understand it, and from one part build to myself a meaningful future also; the present as well as the future, so there will be enough elements for me not to feel meaninglessness, while now there is as this is a new space in my life in many ways, so it just doesn't rate to be ready yet to its demands, and getting used to it, and to the many loses of this and the general situation, and learn to understand everything here. But at least I know there's a logical answer to all these problems, that then also will tell what to do about them, and that's the best one can manage. But I still do not have all the answers, so can't produce the complete answer either, but at least I will have the satisfaction of (not only that my loads will decrease and I am getting better as time goes, that's as a whole the main motivation why I am aiming to live more or less as long as I stay alive, though that's not satisfactory from the point of the present feeling of meaningfulness, and the complete future) knowing that I am getting wiser and/or adjusted here, though hoping it won't be too much pain ahead, and that I get wise enough as fast as possible, and preferably so that I will forever be wise about it (maybe likely just more so, nothing complete), or at least that something happens to that meaninglessness, or at least that things get on track in this new Place. When it comes to SeFi, they both are the weakest and generally the most covered (by other functions) parts for an INTp, his unconscious and the least developed parts, his nightmare as some have said about anyone's weakest function(s), while this sort of changes are also from some parts known to happen when people get at middle age.